Wow it has been a while. Myspace has ruined my life. haha. I still love this tho.

sometimes I just want to be free. I haven't been free since about march of this year. Everytime I get out of a relationship I jump right back into another one. And do you know what I've realized? All of my relationships are the same. The guy starts out being funny and nice and all of the sudden its like they suddenly feel ok taking advantage of me and my caring kind nature. I know that partly it could be my fault for letting them walk over me, but if they really liked me, would they walk over me? I just need someone who can like me for who I am. Not for who they want me to be. I think Brandon is cheating on me. Now I've never been cheated on, but I sort of have this feeling like I'm not the only one in his life. Its partly because hes so secretive, but mostly its insecurities getting the best of me. I just feel like something isn't right. I'm doing better in school. Who knew that if you decided to do your homework it would really pay off? Plus most of my classes are fairly easy. And when I say fairly easy. I mean quite easy. I guess thats good for me. Because I need to get my gpa up if I want to go college. I also need to go take my SAT in the spring and that is scary. Janay and I have become very close over that last couple of weeks. That is good...Guess thats all I had to say about that...

Lately I just don't know what to say. Things are just so crazy. I don't have a clue what I'm doing and I'm so lonely. How can one whos so surrounded by people all the time be so very terribly lonely.

Happy Birthday to my loving and caring boyfriend who likes to go out with his ex girlfriend instead of hanging out with me. Happy birthday you fuck.

So you're gonna label yourself today. Fill out an answer for every question and total them up. --Goth-- Do you wear black eyeliner?: yes Is most of your clothing black?: some black some white Do you think about death often?: no Do you want to die?: ugh. Nope. I like life. Are you a social outcast?: no.. Are you pale?: pretty much Do you like Hot Topic?: goo...no Do you enjoy Tim Burton's Movies?: yes Are you nice?: to some...not really. Are you fond of a fair complexion?: no Total YES: 4 --Skater Punk-- Can you skateboard?: no Do you wear Vans?: no.. Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: Dur.. Have you gotten in trouble with the PIGS: haha. Yeah. Do you listen to punk bands: yeah Do you have any piercings?: yes Do you like/wear mohawks?: no Do you wear Band t-shirts: no Have you called someone a poser?: yeah Do you think punk rock is awsome?: yes Total YES: 6 --Prep-- Do you say the word "like": all the time Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: if they had something cute Are the A&F models hot?: of course. Do you pop the collar?: dude. no Do the people in Hot topic scare you?: nope The only nerd you like is Seth Cohen: Seth Cohen=sexy mofo Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?: no Do you like pop music: some of it Do you want/have a little dog?: Yes Do you spend your money on expensive clothes: no Total YES: 6 --Hippie-- Is your hair long?: no Are you a vegetarian/vegan?: no Do you own a tye~dye shirt?: no Do you want peace?: yes Do you want to save the animals?: not really Do you think the war is unneccesary?: YES Is love essential in your life?: yes Violence is bad: yes Have you smoked pot?: OH YEAh Do you go long periods of time without shaving?: umm....yes..the winter time Total YES: 6 --Gangsta-- Are you from the ghetto?: yes Do you own "bling bling"?: hell no Do you wear do-rags? no.. Do you like hip-hop?: yeah. Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: OMG of course. Do you believe he's alive?: no. Do you like afros?: only on my boo. Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: jokingly Do you like to dance?: yes. Do you call someone your homie?: yes. Total YES: 7 --Emo-- Do you cry often?: nope Are you emotional?: yes Do you like soft music: yup Do people not understand you?: yes Do you write your own songs?: no Is your hair dyed dark?: nope Do you cut?: no Are you lonely? sometimes Is Ohio for lovers?: it used to be until people heard that song... Do you own haggard shoes: no Total YES: 4 --Jock-- Do you play sports?: no Are they important to you? no Do you pick on the geeky kids?: yeah sometimes... Do you like football?: I like to watch it. Were you considered a bully by anyone?: no Was the person you bullied a total dork?: no Do you like to eat meat?: yes... Do you only hang aroung other jocks?: no Is exercise important to you?: not really. Are other people jealous of you?: probably. Do you think your hot?: yes. Total YES: 5 --Surfer-- Do you surf?: I wish Do you wear flip flops year-round?: until it gets too cold Is your hair shaggy?: yes Do you wake up at 6 or before every morning?: only if I go to school Do you own any pairs of shorts?: yes Are you tan?: I wish Do you have alot of patience?: yes Do you want to be at the beach right now?: Oh god. Of course Do you hate tourists?: yes Do you have good balance?: yes. Total YES: 7 --Geek-- Do you wear glasses: no Do you get good grades?: sometimes Do you use an inhaler?: no Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?: nope Does your mom pick out your clothes?: no Are you on the computer often?: yea Do you ever get picked on?: no Do you look forward to go to school?: kinda i get to see my friends Are you shy around the opposite sex?: no, i get along with them better actually Do people laugh at you?: nppe. Total YES: 1 I guess I'm a surfer and a gangster even though I don't live on the beach and I live in the burbs.

this is all quite sad. I'm sitting at home on a friday night. What the hell is wrong with this picture? Oh yes it involves me sitting at home alone on a friday night. What in the hell. Last night I went out and saw all of the hicks and cut of shirts and pants cut into shorts and mullets I could stand at the good ole Indiana State Fair. Wow. It makes me feel good thinking about the fact that I live in the hillbilly capital of the world...besides Kentucky. and of course Arkansas...anyway My stepdad was talking about an indiana native that didn't know that there were animals at the fair. How do you not see the enormous barns is a real conundrum to me but I guess whatever. Some guy came at work and asked if I wanted to go to a party. He was like a college kid. I felt so bad when I told him that I had a boyfriend because I guess he went through drive through last night and I sorta flirted with him..and I guess he came in again after I left and asked a co worker if I were still there and when I'd be in again. I was so embarrassed. Eh.. Oh man Jimi Hendrix how effing awesome is my layoutttt?? Edit I think I'm going crazy. I was just thinking about Brandon and when he would call and such and all the sudden I had fear in the pit of my stomach. And keep thinking that he is going to break up with me or cheat on me and I have no reason to suspect that at all, and I was thinking that if he does, I'm going to go so insane and that I should just end it now but I have seriously NO reaons at all to feel this way. I think I'm seriously going insane..

New background. mm. whatever I was bored.

Life just isnt the same. I'm doing so terribly. I needed your love. You needed my lust. Go back to THE ONE. Shes THE ONE you love.

Since it is the end of summer and all, I thought I'd put up my list of 10 things that I did this summer. So here it is. 1. Went to Mayday with the best people in the world 2. The best people in the world turned into the worst people in the world after Bryan and I broke up and I was pretty much friendless. 3. Heather and I became friends again. 4. I realized that I had a severe liking for Brandon, a boy that worked at my job with a girlfriend. 5. My stepbrother came and spent an awesome month up here. 6. Brandon and I started dating. 7. I had my seventeenth birthday. 8. Faith and I have become friends again after about a year of not talking at all. 9. Jennifer and I have started talking again even though my relationship with her boyfriend(my old bestfriend) is completely strained. 10. I've found I have a fondness for indie.

What is up with all the damn hatrid we got goin on up in herre? I think people need to mellow out and simmer down cuz all the insults flying back and forth are giving me a headache. On a higher note I saw brandon tonight after he got off soccer, That was great. I love being with him. Mmm. It brightens my day. And I'm so straight up bitchin. I'm listening to Jennifer Lopez. I really hate this woman but this beat is the shit.. Alright I'm out. Its time for bed. Edit Yes I'm now listening to Rilo kiley. Better but I really wanted to say that my schedule for this year is such cake. Day one study hall art interdisc Geometry Day two Spanish 2 Interdisc Choir Psychology The only class I should have trouble with is Psych.

I am not a pretty girl That is not what I do I ain't no damsel in distress And I don't need to be rescued So put me down punk Wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair Isn't there a kitten Stuck up a tree somewhere I am not an angry girl But it seems like I've got everyone fooled Every time I say something They find hard to hear They chalk it up to my anger And never to their own fear And imagine you're a girl Just trying to finally come clean Knowing full well they'd prefer You were dirty And smiling And I am sorry I am not a maiden fair And I am not a kitten Stuck up a tree somewhere And generally my generation Wouldn't be caught dead Working for the man And generally I agree with them Trouble is you gotta have youself An alternate plan I have earned my disillusionment I have been working all of my life And I am a patriot I have been fighting the good fight And what if there are No damsels in distress What if I knew that And I called your bluff Don't you think every kitten Figures out how to get down Whether or not you ever show up I am not a pretty girl I don't really want to be a pretty girl I want to be more than a pretty girl

Why is it that things are always so perfect in the beginning of my relationships and then the guys stop giving a WHOLE lot of attention to me as much as I would like and then it all falls apart. Like I like Brandon. So much. And when we first got together he called me everyday. We talked all day. And we were always planning ways to be together. But now I only talk to him one day out of the week and all that. It just sucks really bad. On Tuesday Faith and I are going to Kings Island. I'm so(!!!!) excited. Haha. I can't wait. I hope its really hot. EDIT Yeah. Brandon called today. I'm so excited then I went up to work to visit him(we work at the same place) and he ask if I wanted to go do something. Which I'm happy about. I guess on Sunday faith and I are going to go see The dukes of hazard. Very cool

I'm so lost..someone just help me...

Isn't it funny how you swear you have something real something beautiful then in an instant, Its gone forever. I'm so terribly sad right now..And the worst part is that no one seems to even care. What the hell is so wrong with me!?

Edit New Background. Maybe too plain? Eh. W/e You know. This is fun. I might want to make other people backgrounds. If they are nice to me...

Today. Hm lets see. Went to Olive Garden and also went to Clay Terrace with Faith. Bought a verrry cute shirt from Hollister Uhm. haha. and then went to DSW and faith bought the cutest cowboy boots. But this is all besides the point. I am so glad I got to hang out with Faith again. Its been a long while. Yes. Then after I got done hanging with Faith I got some food for dinner and went to walmart to buy the bravery cd. In which I love. Yum. Anyways. Not much else to say. Ugh. Going back to school in 2 weeks..Thats all I got. 14 days of summer left. I'm going to live it up. I'm supposed to be going to hang with Jenn tomorrow. That should be fun. I haven't hung out with her in a minute. haha...Anyway. I think I'm done here.

Today was one of the best days of my life. I got to spend it with the most awesome guy everr. Then work came...uh that sucked. Oh well. Tomorrow I'm chillin with Faith. Soo excited. Mmmm Olive Garden...haha Not a whole lot more to say except that I've got to be the most happy person right now. I've never felt so comfortable with myself and with relationships... I get so boring when I'm happy and there is no drama..hah..

I'm in love with a beautiful man. I love him so much.

I've found the peircings I want. I want... An industrial in my left A daith in my right 2 more at the bottom of each ear A monroe Tongue ring And a little nose ring... thats all I'm thinking about right now....Too bad I can't get it until I'm 18. Damn non consenting parents Birthdays tomorrow. Comment me and tell me a happy birthday...

Not too much to say. I'll just say that I have found someone truely special and that I'm as happy as a clam and my birthday is in 3 days!