I'm falling in love with her all over again. It's strange. We have this relationship that consists of flirting, messing with each other, poking fun, and sleeping while talking on the phone. It's a fun relationship...there's almost no seriousness to it. I think the only thing that is missing is that I can't tell her that I love her. Or kiss her. Or sleep with her anymore. I mean, I feel like if she finds another guy, it would be basically over. I wouldn't really want to wait while she's with another guy. I would feel so worthless if that happened; I wouldn't know if she actually wanted me in her life or not. I mean, I'd probably stay around and not say a thing about how I truly feel, but on the inside I'd be a broken, tormented man. I hope she says yes to coming back. I understand that she doesn't want that commitment, but I don't see how we could do that. There's a certain level of commitment there anyway. I don't really know what to do right now. I'm alone. I can't stand it. I miss her, and I want to be back with her so that neither of us has to feel that pain we're going through. God, if you're reading this, please let her come back to me very soon. In other news, DnD on Sunday has become so completely not fun. I used to love it, but now it's as though the people are exiling me. Nathan has been a good friend through all of this, and Ryan has been pretty supportive as well. Justin has done a lot, as has Phil, but I completely don't trust many others (I am deeply sad to say such). I feel like my seclusion is actually something I need, though. I don't know how many people I can trust, nor how many I can truly expect to see later. I have a good idea that Ryan will be coming to CMU with me in the fall, which means Wednesday will live on, but the others (with the exception of J & P, whom I'll get to later) are a toss up. J & P may be going to Northern or Western, which means I could probably visit them every now and again to relieve some stress with fun :D. I miss being carefree. I miss Carla. I miss a lot of things.