libbys decided to re-join the D team. missed you all and i know i know you've missed me too. for some reason all my friends have vanished :( its nearly midnight and i need my beauty sleep and all so just quickly. here is whats changed since the last time i spoke.. 1. I got kicked out of school 2. I actually started comming to school 3. I got accepted back into school 4. I got a new job 5. I got fired from new job 6. I planned a holiday to thailand 7. I am over all faggy boys previously mentioned I dont know im happier about life now. weird because things arent that great at the moment... getting kicked out of school deffinatley messed me up. Things just seem clearer, happier for me. Ive realised i do love my family and should stop treating my home as a motel. That my (true) friends will help me through anything and i love them to bits. Ive realised life isnt going to magically hand me the sort of life i want and im going to have to make some sort of plan, and work for it. I still refuse to plan my life and i live for excitment and un-expected events, but if i breeze throught everything ill look back when im 30 and realised ive been waiting for life to find me. Instead im going to find it. Ive realised people only give you so many chances and trust, and that shouldnt be messed with. Ive learnt that im capable of dealing with shitty situations, and am able to laugh at them later. But most of all, which i sort of always knew... i've learnt everything you do each day, has got to be for yourself. not to please others.....or to follow the crowd. Not being selfish - just being yourself. well very inspiring i know but its just how i feel at the moment. It feels like for once things might be ok. ill keep you posted Libby xxx

NOTHING LIKE HAVING THE BIGGEST ANXIETY ATTACK OF YOUR LIFE INFRONT OF YOUR EX- MUSIC TEACHER AND YEAR CO-ORDINATOR! them grabbing you trying to calm you down... you grabbing the wall pushing them off you, trying to breathe... then having your principal tell you theres a more than good chance of not receiving a HSC, followed by stupid rhetorical questions... but whats more is the school councellor who DOENST KNOW YOU suggest you go to a hospital and have your HEAD EXAMINED for CHEMICAL IMBALENCES!! all in one days worth of school, a day where you werent ment to be there, but on an excursion. you was me today. and i don't think i can take any more punishment for being me. im worn out.... peace x Libby

WELL TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY MOTHER FUKERS!!! yep 17 at last. i probably should have got my L's last year, becaus now i could be driving....meh what u gonna do.. I love kool freinds who buy me mad prezzies like tomatoes and transvestite fish. i dislike faggy fake friends who give me a fake hug and mutters the words happy birthday to me. i also like gay friends who give me cards with pictures of HIM in them. speaking of HIM, HE invited me over 2morrow nite. seems too good and too random to be true. Hannah has many theories: maybe its not him, maybe hes being a fag and it settin me up, maybe he just wants sex. i tend to agree with all of these, but guess theres only one way to know for sure, go over to HIS tomorrow night. Wow how weird and nervouse it will be, i garentee i will stutter at least 35 times. Well anyways its all very exciting and gives me something to think about. ill write again soon i promise!! Love always Shibby-The-17-Year-Old!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SORRY IT'S LONG BUT THE CREATIVE JUICES WERE FLOWING... Once, I was totally besotted with a boy. I would hound him, attacking his tough spirit with venomous hurt, via my acerbic tongue. For years, I trailed his shining heart. You have that certain taste, that special smile, those thousand dollar-a-piece eyes. I would gather around him like smoke from an unattended cigarette, my arms and heart and legs, I only wanted more limbs with which i could cover his entire body- consuming him as I would a juicy peach. Give me your left hand, carry your bag with your right, and walk with me to a place that can be seldom found. For years, I courted him in reverse. I loved him to the point out of right hate. We would speak on the phone to each other every night, sending over mixed messages and wrung out bitterness, all the while saying, 'I love you' with a false hope held under each syllable. Your ears will take water and block the sweetness of caring syllables of your supposed friends and cellophane lovers. He told me that he couldn't make love with me because he was not sure if I was his 'one'. I was being worn down to a rambling mess. Your poor soul will not have popcorn to nibble, will not be given a footrest, won't be treated to a skip or fast forward button. I was highly strung, was crying over the smallest matters, breaking down, skipping school, stealing away, and all I got in return was a false sense of being cared for by a cold, cold hearted boy. "Fat is a word of distinction. Killing is newsworthy, death is referred to in the third person, nipple warmers are a must in New Zeland, curry is the arseholes friend, cafes are booming, the weather changes as I do, Dylan hasn't come back for a year now." Sipping coffee and cruel you take a seat across from your reflection and converse in non-sensical dialects of Balkan tongues. The beginning of our second year together, signalled the end. The end of a demented affair that was labelled 'a love'. TAKE CARE LIBBY XOXOXOXO

this is just a quick entry im sorry sitD but from now on i am no longer devoted to you. i have myself a real diary, made from paper and evertything, where people cant read it and i can be super duper honest. i wil still drop in every now and then of course. well today i went to the Buddhist temple in woolongong describe it in one word? - inspiring! (other words to describe it - beautiful, amazing, peaceful, magical, breathtaking, wonderful) geez and i though religion was a laod of shit. the ideas they have about life are just beautiful, i wanted to know so much more about everything to do with buddhism. i think im going to become a christian with buddhist beliefs, caus i still believe in God etc... wow religion = touchy subject all i can say is i loved it there, i wish to live there one day! i feel different now. inspired. well thats about all, cyaa!!! p.s the more i think about Azza the more i like him, it's soooo fukin anooying, hes not even that gr8! (yes he is :( ) i have like created my own little world in my head where we are going out and shit. man im such a faggy loser!

im sooo sorry sitD!!!! its not my fault i havnt written in here for soo long, but i went away, then skool, then masturbation...it just all took over :( well im back everyone! i just came back from dancing and stupid trians stupidly fuked up grrr *raise fist* but i met a hot guy who started talking to me he smelt sooo good i was wearing purple dance pants with GEMMA on my ass thanks alot god! in brief......i hate skool yr 11 blows! i have to start comming to skool on time this yr or they will kick me outa skool. so i have gradually blended in with every other on-time-freak. i have lost my trademark :( quick low down on current guy situation: 1) havnt spoken 2 adam (21 yr old with gf) in over a month! sooo proud. but wish he would call me :( 2) azza (guy in band) who im strangley liking more and more each day ONLY talks to me when hes promoting hes stupid band (actually its good ) and is only nice to me when he wants me to watch one of his shows! 3) pat (whom i have loved for the past year and a bit!) msges me sayin hes single again and wants 2 meet up. i smell sex in the air, i think thats all he can smell too. so im gonna have to see wat happenes caus i cant fall for another guy who jsut wants sex AGAIN! (i.e. adam, azza, bro, pat....list goes on) 4) bro (ex who took to formal) is bein really sweet to me, but agian i smell sex in the air. which should b fine but when i think of him going out with any other chik its makes my blood turn cold. strange... AND THATS IT FOLKS. once again its soo simply complicated. Azza's band is playing friday night. i said id go if i had nothing else on. (i have been planning what to wear ever since he told me about it 2 months ago! but shhh) my plan is to act like i dont like him! ill prob end up going home suicidle....meh well this was just a quick hello OMG I FORGOT HANNAH AND SOPHIE ARE NO LONGER SINGLE! weird huh! my dinners prob burnt to a smouldering ash so better fly butterfly! cya dude Shibsta! xoxo

so this is 2005 aye? nothing special. latley my mimd has felt like a blank piece of paper. you know somethings ment to be written on it, but havnt figured out what yet. and the longer you look at it...the more the blankness stings your eyes. the only thing im saying about guys at the moment, is they really know how to mess with girls heads...and i dont even think half of them know they are doning it. i read somewhere that its a proven fact that girls get more emotionally attatched to guys than vice-versa. but i refuse to blame science for the way im feeling. dont think i could handle another reason to hate science. on a more positive note... saturday night me and my freinds somehow find ourselves in the appartment of this black dude who owns Home (nightclub in city) hes names Duke (got to be coolest name in world) and hes 21 or so, and we are suddenly having him and hes freinds - who just so happen to be MODLES - cooking us dinner. they were all so nice and so non sleezy in any way. it was a really fab night. i dunno why jsut was. sunday i took off work because i woke up with massive hangover!! so called in sick :D then waited for Hannah to finish work and we both trecked to the SGC to watch the cricket. our freind got us free tickets :D :D ahhhh it was great, couldnt get more auzzie than that! sittin at the cricket with drunken mates, watching them yell and obbussing the cricket players and other spectators, while watching your friend get chatted up by totally pissed yobo in little white shorts and a comical oversized hat slowly sipping on his VB. ahhhhh the serenity. well im off once more. see ya round like a rissole! bye! libby xoxox

Theres something about hearing the guy you like say that you were nothing but a drunken mistake that makes you stop and think 'gee god thanks alot, i love you too!' A few things have happened to me recently * realised aaron will never like me or invite me into his wolrd so i should stop obsessing *CHRISTMAS EVE! yayay it wasnt too bad this year, to what i thought would be a good year, turned out shit, then finished up ok. "super cool party" fizzled out so a few ppl just came bak 2 mine. all in all id say it wasnt bad. * HAD CHRISTMAS! YAYAYAYAY for once it was actually ok, well it was an improvement from last year - listening to my dad tell me how much he hates me over christmas dinner. Hannah and i have realised we are identical and share the same brain, (half each to explain the weirdness) we have the exact same guy problems....and because i know you all care soooooo much im gonna say them muuhahahah :D my guy probs: # guy called Joe really likes me and thinks i like him because i got drunk and hooked up with him last week :S # adam and me are still 'at it' and for once i dont mind caus as much as i like being with him, i dont look at him as a potential bf. # guitarist dude (Aaron) - totally in love with him after spending a really sweet night together, just found out he sees it slightly different : Friend "so what happened with you and libby?" Aaron "what can i say, we were both drunk" Libby *insert heart breaking* # guy called pat who i have just gotten over - (365 days later) decided to msg me again and want to sleep with me again EVEN though he does have a gf. id like to take this chance to add that i imagined marrying this guy...he is in my view PERFECT. so yay guy who has taken me a year to get over now wants me, and im scared to say yes in fear for it taking another year to get over him think ill say no. (good in theory, not in reality) well i could blab on more but im sure you really dont care, all i have to say is God is playing a really sick joke on me atm. i know i shouldnt get all gooey and sad over guys, and i normally dont, but its the time of year to get all sad. ill probably end up a spinster by this rate. well cya fags Libby xoxoxox

i listen to music to drown my thoughts. instead it only traces over every word, with big black texta. i had another panic attack last night, and while i was there crying and gasping for air.. i started thinking - its like i feel every single emotion all at the same time, and they choke me up and i panic...but then i stop,remmeber to breathe, and suddenly i feel them flow through me one by one, and for a slight second all i feel is content. until next time shibby

well im at home sick :( i think i have gladular fever due to my symptoms. i feel i am slowly and painfully dying! i bet hannah gave it 2 me grrr damn tall bitch! well my weekend was rad! friday nite this dude from jesses work had a 21st, we were all like meh may as well... turned out to be some massive OC house on the water with a live band (who were hot and awsome) and FREE ALCOHOL! (could also be the reason for my sickness). it was such an ace night! hannah invited these band ppl who were hot...ended up going home with the guitarist - VERY NICE! saturday nite, very hungover, attempted to attend mats 18th. thought theres no possible way i would handle a drink due to massive hangover. newho half a bottle of shampers that we stole the nite b4 later, about 4 beers and 2 cruisers not to mention about 13 cigarettes....i was feeling fab! its a good cure for a hangover - just keep drinkin. well that fab feelin lasted about 4 hrs, until i woke up for work...so much worse then ive ever felt in my life!! yay!! so now ive somehow caught glandular fever - not surprising seein as how i shared about 300 ppls drinks, cigarettes and mouths. ahhh well seeing guitarist on wednesday! :D well prob gonna pass out soon so better fly! cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa xxxxxx shibby p.s shit formal tiket money due wed! fuck *note to self....find $110 by wed!*

well due to constand demand i am back with another entry! u've all missed me i know i know.... well today i arrived at skool at 11.30, tried to sneak in class but got stopped by year co-ordinator and got lectured for a good half a period about my attendence. apparently ive had 38 days off, and 82 days of partial absence...doesnt time fly. newayz bottom line i have to come to skool in the holidays!!!! (insert some symbol way too rude i cant even think of it!) its only for a day, but i think that works out to be about a year in holiday time!!!! and then she says my dad agreed it was a good idea. gee thanks alot dad love you 2! I FINALLY HAVE A DATE TO MY FORMAL SO DOES HANNAH SO DOES SOPHIE enough about sophie.... but yea im taking my ex ex bf Bro (yes hes name is BRO) and hannahs taking his freind alex. who in my oppinion are both not too bad considering last minute choices. should be an ok night maybe. well cant think atm, too angry and hungry WOW IT RYHMES (prob not how u spell rhyme, but meh i tried) ill keep it short and sweet - like me ahhhh im so lame. i want to get drunk. well cya boris!!!! p.s my spider bite has healed thankyou for your prayers and flowers. pps. i hate fags i sit with ppps. that is all you may go

well its friday night and all my freinds have decided 2 be nerdy ppl and stay in due to our skool certificate being on monday. i dont know y but im not worried, weird! so yea Tom's *sigh* formal is in 10 days and he hasnt said anything about it 2 me. im scared i bet hes forgotten about me and asked sum other hot chik, yea thats prob wats happenend, gee and i thougt he was avoiding me! i saw Tom *sigh* at the races on Tuesday. he was wearing a suit *sigh* very nice! he was talkin to me but not a word abotu the formal. im not sure what he was talking about actually - too much champagne libby thinks! PEOPLE TO KILL LIST * myself oviously * alana-annoying ratty nerd thinks we're mates * bethany college community ....wait scrap all them PEOPLE TO KILL LIST * EVERYONE better :) well other stuff has happened, like i got a new fone yay! and last night we performed this greese thingy at the enmore for dancing, and im pregnant...but nothign 2 exciting so ill go! bye to all and all for one! LIBBY_NO_FREINDS

ever had one of those days where it feels like your watching yourself through someone elses eyes? like your not really there, you do everything normal but it means nothing. you can hear what people say but your not listening, and when you speak its just words spilling out your mouth? well today was one of thsoe days. maybe it was becaus i was there for most of the day and my little body wasnt used to it. today the HSC started for all the unfortunate year 12's. i feel really sorry for them. im not talking about all the 'im-larger-than-life-girls' at our raggy skool, but all the guys we know doing it. my mind kept going from Tom to Mat to Pat to Griffo to Nick to (pretty much the whole of Sydney Tech). my mind was mainly on Tom though *sigh*. (and partly on griffo and pat when the topic turned to formals). just think this is the begging of the end for them, a few stupid exams to decide what you do for the rest of your life, gotta feel the pressure ay. when our usual blabble of conversation turned to formals today, it struck me that i have absolutly no one to take. not one single person! i asked Tom *sigh* but the night of our formal is the night he ships off to skoolies :( , and so are all hes freinds, so all my back-up people have pissed off as well! now pat has a gf so i cant even ask him. gee formals are spose 2 be fun! everyone keeps telling me not to take anyone caus u have to pay for them and stay with them all night, but isnt that the point? i mean if you cant get laid on your formal night....what is that saying about our generation?? well im off to stab something! goodbye to all Libby xoxo P.S congrats to JET - 6 ARIAS!!! seeing them thursday night, cant bloody wait!

well today was history geo and dt exam...they all suxed! Captain Mark Story Ok well if anyone read my last entry they know who captain mark is. (If not refer to last entry titled ‘captain mark!’) well anyways it was half way through history exam and my phone goes off. Lucky no one realized. Phew *wipes sweat off face* Yes it was from captain mark saying, and I quote….. Hi libby, I would love to take you out on Saturday for a day cruise. I have a small job on sat night you can come with me if you like. It will be fun. Send me a text with a time I can call you. Hear from you soon. Hahahahahhaahahhahahahhahaahhaahhahahhahahah ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh funny stuff So now I don’t know what to do. I wanna go on this free cruise with my friends but im scared he’ll like try to sleep with me! Meh I dunno lol TOM STORY!!! heheh ok well tom (guy i like :D) msges me sayin hey we should catch up soon. so newayz a few 21 c later we end up planning to go to the beach tomorrow, as in today. so what happens....our DT exam goes like 15 mins overtime so i had to wait longer to see him :( but he picked me up, we went to the beach, had sex, all was good (i wish we had sex :( ) newho he invited me to his formal and i told him i got a dress for it, and he asked me what colour caus he thinks we should be matchin....not sure if thats cute, or gay what do u think? voice your opinion by pressing *msg me fag* to the bottom right corner of your screen. thankyou for riding with libby airlines, where your sexual needs, are our priority. *cheesy smile* newho im outa here until next time america! libby

well today was another sucky day. the absolutley gorgouse love of my life told me we shouldnt catch up soon caus he now has a gf, so i acted all kool telling him yea i like someone else atm too, and according to his best mate shes a really nice bird! well fucking hell someone give her a panadol! i hate this stick insect and i dont know her! this isnt the way its supose to go....he was ment to remmeber the good times we had together, realise he misses me and want to see me again!! so now im alone once more with every slight of hope that maybe i would b able to sleep with pat one last time shredded out of me. on the other hand i did have a fukin awsome night last saturday night. we somehow ended up on some cruise around darling harbour with free alcohol all night long! and me not being satisfied with that went and hooked up with the captain! yes captain mark - 28yrs old, not bad looking. neawayz i was hoping pat would be there but instead he dogged it and i had to hear how happy he is with this stick insect bitch Laura from his (incredibly gorgouse) best mate. we left the boat and wound up on some free bus trip with this crazy bus driver who played sth american music the whole way. we were all going crazy! every time the bus stopped i stuck my head outa the window and pashed this guy that was chasing after the bus. he was ok - had an eye brow ring cant complain. we then ended up in the rocks, sittin in some pub god knows how and me ballroom dancing with these 40yr old guys who were buying us drinks. LOL. next up was pancakes on the rocks, they wouldnt serve us any more alcohol caus we looked 'too hot in the face and intoxicated'! hahahah funniest night so anywayz this mark the captain somehow got my number and wont stop calling me! telling me how hes gona give me free cruises round darling harbour. NICE! well im outa here to have another cry about Pat, and Catain Mark. ciao! <---- only italian word ive learnt in the past 2 yrs LIBBY DARWEN (i wish)

well its day 4 of the holidays, not counting weekend, and im already bored. i think im slowley yet gracefully getting over this diary thing.... i mean its ok but it makes me realise i live a uneventful life :S hmmmm well im excited caus i brought my formal dress on saturday.....its really mad. so now i have a dress...but no date - life just sux doesnt it. like it really does, not ur average bad day sux....like all ur bad days melt into one really dull, joyless life and soon you forget what a good day feels like, so u go out and get pissed, only to find that the next day is just as bad as the last with the additional headache and lack of freinds. WELL ANYWAYZZZ i went dacnin yesterday and theres this bit where we have no slide on our knees, and she made us do it like 42 times, or was it 43? newayz it really hurt! so i wake up 2day only to find some sort of burn of one knee, and a massive ugly bruise on the other. so now it loks like i give head jobd all day long!!! grrrrr to dancing! grrrrr to headjobs! well before i bow my head in shame for being so fat ill go. bye to the one person who will feel sorry for me and read this. SHIBBY p.s. fruit pastels r so cool

PART 1 omg tonight is like the first time in a week im able to write in here SO SHUT UP FAGS! im just going to pretend its last thursday...rewwwwiinnd. so last night was one of the BEST nights ever! no no i didnt get laid it was the Blink concert! :D:D:D it was my first time in a mosh (yes im not proud) and wow was it crazy. i got crushed trampled and sweated on more than id liked to have been. when i got home i was washing all the dirt off my feet, and wondered why the blackness wasnt coming off, then realised they were bruises!

today was another perfect day! i didnt go to school, yesterday either, i better stop before i get used to it lol i went to cronulla....yes i hate the whole ''cronulla scene'' but its the closest beach you can get to by train. i fell asleep in the sun with the sound of Brandon Boyd in my head and the sand beneath me. i decided to leave at 3, so id be back in time as if i were coming home from school (my dad thought i was at school u see ;) so i left the beach at -what i thought 3 - and started to walk to the station when OMG i saw this fukin gorgouse guy...then i was like wait, i know this incredibly hot sex machine its - mat young! i was talking to him and my pants were getting wetter and wetter! hannah thinks hes not pant wet worthy ... she is oviously blind! well yer thats my life over for today cya fagz~! did you know febuary is spelt FEB-R-UARY!!! i never knew that! and suprise is spelt SU-R-PRISE!!! i knew i couldnt say the letter R but apparently i cant write them either! weird...

PART 2 = lol i could go on forever but its just gets me upset that i cant root em! similar to Mr Martin :( Well back to present time -----> fassstt forwarrddd So today i was SOOOOOO happy!!!! Fredrick is no longer my only child! yes thats right i came home from school and found soooo many little cute silver things swimming in my tank :D:D their about this big ~) heheh they look like sperm well lots more to say but bet everyones counting sheep (YAY SHEEP) im gona go think of sheep and talk to my fishlets KAKMANDU! BEttY! p.s did you know nothing rhyms with orange! discovered that doin my poetry anthology last night. p.p.s jermiane drinks monkey sperm

well yer monday libby brough the maroon 5's album and has since fallen madlet in love with it! today was an achy day for her today. woke up 5, gym, school, (fite with gay dad), dancing, (another fite with homosexual dad). ewwwwwwwwww she HATE those CSI shit on TV, her sister always watches them when shes tryin to eat, and they show like dead bodies being cut up...lovely! libby wants to oficially kill her gay sister! last night at work she was asking hannah if shes sad it was daniels (sx god) last night, and their boss was listening! so then he was paying libby out the rest of the night! she would go into more details of the embarresement but doesnt want to bore whatever freinds she has left. well libbys dead tired now and is about to collapse on her computer. by the way snakes have 2 penises!! bye libbys freinds. Libby