I'm fucking rotting from the inside out. I can feel my fucking arteries swelling with grease and my stomach slowly inflating and everything growing back and everything growing back and my health deteriorating before my very eyes and my body growing to twice it's size and the rubbing of my inner thighs. I can feel it all expand. I remember loosely fitting pants. I can feel me growing and growing and growing and slowly becoming the person I was before and I can feel the food and the drinks and the sugar and the calories. I can feel the calories slowly getting tabulated in the back of my brain and the fat setting up camp for permanent storage. I can feel the strong sense of failure that comes with fucking up this badly even though I said I wouldn't care. I said I wouldn't care but I knew I had to be lying. I can't stay keen on anything, I always fall out of anything that's good for me. I should not be acting like this. I should not be letting myself grow. I should be making me better. I WANT to be better. So why can't I get better? Because I can't fucking contain myself. I can't contain myself at the sight of fried chicken. Ic an't contain myself faced with ELEVEN CHICKEN WINGS. I can't contain myself around candy bars. And it's not like it was only one, it was two. I can't contain myself around pork chops. I can't contain myself around WHITE BREAD and PEANUT BUTTER and CEREAL. What the fuck is wrong with me? How do I not see these things coming as i'm shoveling food into my mouth? Why listen to my stomach when I know that my mind is not going to let me down for it? Why eat when I'm going to see the response in the mirror a mere few minutes later? What the fuck am I doing with myself? Trying to get obese? I AM GOING TO BE OBESE. I AM GOING TO BE ONE FAT FUCK. BECAUSE I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT ANYMORE, I'M BARELY EVEN BALANCING, BECAUSE I KEEP FUCKING UP. I KEEP FUCKING MYSELF OVER. I KEEP INDULGING WHEN I FUCKING KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT'S GOING TO FEEL, EXACTLY HOW IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME FUCKING FEEL DIRTY MINUTES IF NOT SECONDS AFTERWARDS. EVEN MY MOM SAYS IM CONTINUOUSLY EATING, AND THIS LADY KNOWS EVERYTHING, IF SHE SAYS SO, IT MUST FUCKING BE TRUE. I CAN FEEL MY THIGHS. THEIR ALL FUCKING WARM. SO IS MY STOMACH. THEIR GROWING. GROWING GROWING AS WE SPEAK. STORING THE FAT IN MY SYSTEM. STORING THE FUCKING FAT WHERE IT WILL NEVER EVER COME AWAY. I'M STUCK WITH IT FOREVER. I AM GOING TO BE FAT FOREVER. AND EVER AND NOONE IS GOING TO LOVE ME. BECAUSE I AM A TUB OF LARD. I AM A DIRTY FUCKING TUB OF LARD AND NOT EVEN MEN OF AN EQUIVALENT CALIBUR WILL WANT TO HAVE ME. FUCKSSAKES I CAN FEEL THE FAT CONGEALING.