Hey everyone, shit its been a while hey? Anyways, I'm in the middle of changing things around here, but it's taking a lot longer than I want it too. And now the Oilers game has started, so I'm going to go watch that and then I have baseball. The changes should be done soon, and they better fix their image manager thing, so I can put pictures back up, but anyways, yeah I'll be done sometime tomorrow and then I will update. Hurrah! Love, peace and chicken grease K-$

Whoooaaa what's happening to the SiT I came to know and love? Everything's gone all fiddle-faddle-foo! All these things are changing, and now I find myself out of the loop. Seems I'm not with "it" anymore, hmm? I used to be down with what was "it", but then "it" changed! Suddenly what I was with wasn't "it", and what became "it" was weeeeird and scary. Yeah I can't help but say I ripped most of this entry off from other sources, but that's okay, because today is a lazy day, so it's acceptable.

Hey fuckers! Hurry up and finish fixing this fucking thing so I can fuckin' get pictures up and shit.

Umm so yeah. Does anyone still stop by here at all? Lol regardless, if anyone who ever at one time ever wants to get in touch again, or just wants to read the poop that comes out of my mind, i thought i'd let ya know that i can now be found at: www.myspace.com/thekyleloganshow so come on down and stop by! or not it's entirely up to you!

I was talking with everyone's favourite friendly neighbourhood Skipants the other day, and I was reminded of something from the past: Do you remember the time when music videos actually mattered? I can remember being blown away by Korn's video for Freak on a Leash, remember that one? Where it follows a bullet in slow motion as it tears through random things. That was fucking cool. Well, maybe it was cool to my retarded grade 8 ass, but I digress. I think it's a mixture though of me and my friends getting older and the fact that there isn't much else to do with music videos anymore that has led to the state we are in where no one watches them anymore. I can't remember the last time I've seen a music video on tv. Maybe I'm just getting older but they all look the same to me. Rap videos all have fancy cars and skanky women and "ice" in them, and rock videos feature the band playing randomly somewhere with some random story thrown in on the side. And another thing, you don't even get to see rock videos anymore. I think every show on Much Music is rapcity now. 24 hours of RapCity guest hosted by some Canadian rapper I've never heard of because Master P realized that he needed to get the hell outta there. But yes, all RapCity all the time, that is, when they are actually showing music videos. But I'm not even going to get into all the other crap they show on that channel. I guess I just miss the days of Foo Fighters' "Learn to Fly" and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Californication", that's all. I miss days when I could be entertained by music videos. Although, with all the skanks and hoes in music videos these days, I guess being aroused by them nowadays is just as good. K-$

...and that's part of the problem. I know it's been so long since I've updated in here but I can't really help it. I've learned after 12 years of schooling that I work best when I'm angry and under pressure. And now with no school, no deadlines and not much to make me angry, I just can never bring myself to come up with something worthy of writing. And I know that after all this time of all my quaaaaaaality work, anything less from me and you- my loyal readers- would rise up and revolt against me. Does that even make sense? See, first paragraph still and I'm already on thin-ice. Speaking of thin ice, do you think emu's have feelings? Do you think emo kids have feelings? Seriously tho. They're practically dead inside anyways, do they even feel anymore? And does that extend to physical feelings too? They're wrists have been sliced to shit, would they really care if I just walked up to them and poked them in the eye? With my penis? Would they write a poem about how disfigured they are? And my penis is? So many questions, so many emo kids unwilling to talk because they are so tortured inside. Oh, and don't worry, I'm not planning on making this entry as long as my last one. That was a little extreme and I want to thank everyone who took the time to read it. You all have a special place in my heart. Seriously, no punchline here. Stop waiting for one damnit. Getting back to the giant letter however, you'll never guess who's coming to my fair city of Winnipeg! Did you guess David Cross? Didja?! Well if you did, you would be wrong. Because as amazing as he is, he has better things to do than come to this crap town. But do you know who DOESN'T have anything better to do with his time? Larry the motherfucking Cable Guy. Oh my goodness. He is actually coming to Winnipeg. I just threw up in my mouth. And swallowed it again. And now I feel sick. Ahem. But not as sick as I feel about him coming here. We need to organize a boycott or something, or send death threats to the arena for him to be waiting for him when he gets there. I dunno, something, anything to get him to stop his senseless behavior from spreading across Canada. And damn you America; send us your good comics, not your backward ass phony fucks like Larry the Cable Guy. (Notice how I go the high road, and not call him something like Larry the Queer Guy or something like that. And yes, up here on the high road "backward ass phony fucks" is perfectly legit.) Anyways, thus concludes todays entry. Adios for now everyone. K-$

The list of fucks goes as such... Fuck Hines Ward. Fuck Willie Parker. Fuck "Big" Ben Roethlisberger. Fuck Joey Porter. Fuck the referees. If you would have made any more mistakes, I would have mistaken you for Paris Hilton with how much you blew. And lastly Fuck anyone who jumped on the Steelers bandwagon just because they wanted to see Seattle lose.

Okay, so I came across this today on bobanddavid.com. It's written by one of my biggest idols David Cross. The jist of what happened basically, is that Mr. Cross gave roughly a 10 min. interview to Rolling Stone Magazine and in it made a comment that Larry the "Git-r-Done" Cable Guy took offense to. So in his book, Mr. the Cable Guy slagged on Cross and various others. The following letter now is a rebuttle from Cross and if you actually make it all the way thru then a) I will love you for it, and b) you will hopefully learn something about society and the world we live in. Also, it's great because Larry the Cable Guy is a goof. Enjoy! ********************************************* Thursday, December 01, 2005 AN OPEN LETTER TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY Hi everybody! The following is a letter I wrote after picking up Git-R-Done - The Larry The Cable Guy Story (ghost written by Susan Sontag). I have to warn you that it's nearly 11 pages long. But I think it's chock full of life lessons for all of us and if you're not careful... you just might learn something! An open letter to Larry The Cable Guy: Hello Larry, It's me, David Cross. Recently I was shooting something for my friends at "Wonder Showzen" (the funniest, most subversive comedy on American T.V. at the moment) and when we were taking a break one of the guys on the show asked me if I had seen some article in something somewhere wherein you were interviewed to promote your new book "Please-Git-R-Done" (published by Crown Books $23.95 U.S.) and they asked about your devoting a chapter to slamming me and the "P.C. Left". Since I stopped following your career shortly after you stopped going on stage wearing a tool belt with cable wrapped around your neck (around your appearance at "Laffs 'n' Food" in Enid, Oklahoma Aug 23-26 1999?) I said I wasn't aware of the article. They went on to tell me that you said basically (and I am not quoting but paraphrasing their recall) that I could kiss your ass, that I've never been to one of your shows (true) and that I didn't know your audience (untrue). SO, I went and got your book, "Gitting-R-Donned", and excitedly skimmed past the joke about that one time you farted and something farty happened, on past the thing about the fat girl who farted and finally found it, . Well, needless to say I farted. I farted up a fartstorm right there in the Flyin' J Travel Center. I fartingly bought the book and took it home with an excitement I haven't experienced since I got Bertha Chudfarter's Grandma drunk and she took her teeth out and blew me as I was finger banging her while wearing a Jesus sock puppet in the back of the boiler room at The Church of the Redeemer off I-20 (I don't care who you are, that's funny.) Anyhoo, I got home and read the good parts. It seems that you were pissed off at Rolling Stone magazine, and I can understand why. You made some good points in your argument as well. I agree that there is an eliteism and bias in the press and too often a writer will include asides to show the readers how smart he or she is and how "above it" they are. But come on! Surely you can't be surprised, or worse, hurt or offended by this. You even say in the book that you knew what you were getting into (Rolling Stone being all "lefty" and whatnot). Certainly I'm not surprised that they took a ten minute phone conversation with me and chose to print only the most inflammatory paragraph within it. That's what they do. But I want to address some of the things you write about me in "Git-to-Gittin'-r-Done". In response to the Rolling Stone article, but first let me say this; you are very mistaken if you think that I don't know your audience. Hell, I could've been heckled by the parents of some of the very people that come see you now. I grew up in Roswell, Georgia (near the Funny Bone and not far from The Punch Line). The very first time I went on stage was at The Punch Line in Sandy Springs in 1982 when I was 17. I cut my teeth in the south and my first road gigs ever were in Augusta, Charleston, Baton Rouge, and Louisville. I remember them very well, specifically because of the audience. I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple. And please don't mistake this as coming from a place of bitterness because I didn't "make it" there or, I'm not as successful as you because that's not it at all. Since I was a kid I've always been a little over sensitive to the glorification and rewarding of dumb. The "salt of the earth, regular, every day folk" (or lowest common denominator) who see the world, and the people like me in it, as on some sort of secular mission to take away their flag lapels and plaster-of-paris jesus television adornments strike me as childishly paranoid. But perhaps the funniest (oddest) thing in your book is you taking me to task for being P.C. Have you heard my act?! I'll match your un-P.C.ness any day of the week my friend. I truly believe, and have said onstage amongst other things that, orthodox Jews are bar none, the most annoying people, as a group, that walk this earth. I absolutely refuse to say the term "African-American". It's a ridiculous and ill-applied label that was accepted with a thoughtless rush just to make white people feel at ease and slightly noble. I also believe that in the right setting that, as unfortunate as it may be, retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment (fact!). Larry, whether northern, southern, straight, gay, male, female, liberal, conservative, Christian or Jew, I've walked them all. It didn't matter if it was a room full of "enlightened" hippie lesbian wicans at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge, MA or literally hundreds of students at the University of St. Louis (a Jesuit school) or a roomful of the cutest, angriest frat boys in Baton Rouge all threatening to beat me up, I un-P.C.'d the shit out of them. That's another thing that bothers me too. I honestly believe that if we had worked a week together at whatever dumb-ass club in American Strip Mall #298347 in God's Country U.S.A and hung out that week and got good and drunk after the shows, that you and I would've been making each other laugh (I imagine we would have politely disagreed on a few things) but not only would we be laughing but we'd often be laughing at the expense of some of the audience members at that nights show and you know it. I'll address your easy, bullshit sanctimonious "don't mess with my audience" crap further on. But for now, let's "Gittle-R-Ding-Dong-Done!" Okay, here's what I said in the RS interview: "He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride." You took umbrage at my calling a lot of your act anti-gay and racist and said that "...according to Cross and the politically correct police, any white comedians who mention the word 'black' or say something humorous but faintly negative about any race are racists." Well, first of all, your act is racist. Maybe not all the time, but it certainly can be. Here, let me quote you back, word for word, some of your "faintly negative" humor and I'll let people judge for themselves. Re: Abu Ghraib Torture - "Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something!" Re: Having a Muslim cleric give the opening prayer at the Republican Convention - "What the hell is this the cartoon network? The Republicans had a muslim give the opening prayer at there (sic) convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when you say towards the end, "...now look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..." There are numerous examples and I don't think I need to reprint any more. You get the idea. Oh, what the hell, here's one more - "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses! I'm sure all them dead folks'd they'd killed give 40 shekels or whatever kinda money these inbred sumbitches use, but I'd give 40 of 'em whatever it is to be humiliated instead of dead!" Okay Larry The Cable Guy, I will ignore the irony of a big ole southern redneck character actually using "inbred" as an insult, as well as the fact that a shekel is currency from Israel, the towel heads sworn enemy. But at least you're passionate about what you see as inhumane injustice (not on a global level of course, but on a national level) and the simple black and white of what's right and what's wrong. It's kinda like you're this guy who speaks for all these poor, unfortunate souls out there who wear shirts with blue collars on them, work hard all day to put food on the table for their family (unlike people who wear shirts with white collars or wear scrubs or t-shirts or dresses or costumes that consist of flannel shirts with the sleeves cut-off and old trucker hats) and pray to the American Flag of Jesus to protect them from the evils of muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and the liberal jews who run Hollywood and the media. I guess one could say that you're "telling it like it is". And considering the vast amount of over-simplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations, all of America and the World that "don't make no sense to you", as well as your lack of sensitivity, and second grade grammar, one might be led to think that you are somewhat proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. Combine that with your sucker appeal to the knee-jerk white Christian patriot in us all who would much rather hear 87 fart jokes than hear a joke in which the President (the current one, not the last one) or the Pope, or Born-Again Christians, or Lee Greenwood get called on their shit for being the hypocrites that they are, and I think we've got a winner! About being Anti-Gay. I honestly take that back. I do not think that you are anti-gay, I didn't choose those words wisely. Your stuff isn't necessarily anti-gay but rather stupid and easy. "Madder than a queer with lock jaw on Valentines Day." That's not that funny, I don't care who you are. It's just sooo easy. I mean, over half the planet sucks dick so why gays? Why not truck stop whores, or Hollywood Starlets or housewives? Because when you say "queer" you get an easy laugh. End of story. As for being a multi-millionaire in disguise, that's just merely a matter of personal taste for me. I do not begrudge you your money at all, it is sincerely hard earned and you deserve whatever people want to give to you. What sticks in my craw about that stuff is the blatant and (again, personal taste) gross marketing and selling of this bullshit character to your beloved fans. Now look, if someone wants to pay top dollar to come to one of your shows and then drop a couple hundred more on "Git-R-Done" lighters and hats and t-shirts and windshield stickers and trailer hitches and beer koozies and fishing hats and shot glasses etc, then good for you. I just think it's a little crass and belies the "good ole boy" blue collar thing you represent. But that's no big deal. Now, as for the last statement that "We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride." Well, I think that's true. When you can rally the troops (so to speak) with a lazy, "latte drinking, tofu eating" generalization of Liberals and "Back ass rag fags" to describe Arabs, then, yeah, I think that falls in the "ignorant" category. I think that with even the slightest attention to the double standard and hypocrisy of both the Left and the Right in this country (if not all of the Christian Extremists as a whole) coupled with the bullshit they lazily swallow and parrot back while happily ignoring the gross inhumane treatment of those that aren't them so that we may have cheap sneakers and oil and slightly less taxes (although I'm sure the bracket you're in now gives you a ton of tax money back), then you could maybe see my point. Now here's the best part - in your book you preface the above quote by saying, "...but I guess I'm not as intellectual as David Cross. In that Rolling Stone article, he sure showed us what a deep thinker he is by sayin' "America is in a stage of vague intellectual pride." Jesus Christ can you even fucking read?! Whoever read that article to you butchered the actual quote. The quote that was right fucking in front of their face! I would fire your official reader and have them replaced with a Hooters Girl who doesn't fart. That way you have something nice to look at while you are getting your misinformation. As for "anti-intellectual pride", that is Larry The Cable Guy in spades. Let me quote you again (from an on-line interview, "I consider my jokes to be very jeuvinille (sic). Stuff a 14 year old would laugh at because that's the ...sence (sic) of humor I have.". Hmmm, okay. That was easy. Well, I suppose I've already covered part of that in the above. But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under. You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"? As you said yourself in an interview once, "I can pop in and out of it pretty much whenever I want". In your book on page 89 you say in reference to the "gee-shucks" millionaire comment, "...see, to his (David's) mind, bein' well paid means I'm no longer real and I can't be a country boy anymore. It's just an act." Hey, it's always been an act! That's my fucking point! You admit it yourself so cut the indignation shit. And I am in no way deriding your work ethic. You clearly have more fart jokes than most and for that I applaud you. You go on to talk about how hard you work and life on the road and living on Waffle House and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all been there and played shitty, degrading gigs and sacrificed etc, etc. Then you say, "...this (the personal attack) was different because David basically hammered my fans in that RS article by implying that they were ignorant. He crossed the line when he railed against them, so I had to tell ya what I felt about that. He can hammer me all he wants, but when he screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something." Aww, that's so sweet and egregious. I can't stand that fan ass kissing bullshit. You and Dane Cook ought to get together and have a "my-fan's-are-the-greatest-people-on-earth-and-that's-why-I-do-this" off. You could both sell a shit load of merch too. But having said that, I would truly love to get some of your fans and my fans in a room together to debate some of the finer points on comedy, music, culture, the issues facing our country today and just about anything else we might find worthy of discussion. My fans are pretty smart as well. They are also, I imagine, as "hard-working" as your fans. Not all of them of course, but most. And I'm sure that they may come up with some genuinely interesting, insightful points (and would do so without spouting a bunch of meaningless Christian platitudes). And if you really, truly want to respect your fans, lower your ticket price as well as the price of your ubiquitous merchandise. I'm sure all those hard-working Americans could use the extra money now that the budgets are being cut drastically from Transportation, Education, Health and Human Services, HUD, Dept of the Interior, EPA, Farm Service Agency, FEMA, Agricultural, FDA, VA, FDA, FHA, National Center for Environmental Health, and numerous other departments and agencies that they might directly rely on for help. All so that we can pay off this massive tax cut during "war" time that we're all getting (them not so much though). Oh well, that's just one of those "political" things that I think about occasionally. Anyway, I just wanted to address the stuff you wrote about me and clear some things up. Mostly the air around here... I just farted!!!!! Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!!!!! Fart, David Cross

I noticed that I don't write in here all that often anymore. I think it has something to do with the fact that most of my ideas of what to write about come from society, and society usually pisses me off. Hence I try to distance myself from most things mainstream as much as I can. Tonight however, I watched a bit of something that should have never been: Dr. Phil during primetime tv. It's not enough for that goof to poison our minds every weekday from 3-4, but nooooo he has to poison our primetime minds too! Primetime is for the masses to be entertained (that doesn't include me tho, I almost never watch primetime because I have standards. Yes that means the masses as a whole are stupid.) On this particular episode, MR. Phil was running his own little boot camp for women who had had their husbands leave them. One exercise for them involved them closing their eyes and putting their heads down on the seats of their chairs. He told them to then call up and bring back all the rage and anger that their husbands had caused them and then on his signal, to go apeshit on the chairs. I could not make this stuff up. And me, being the ever sensitive guy that I am, couldn't help but think of the young kids in Honduras who finally got to see one of their products on national tv, only to see it get destroyed by a bunch of unattractive menopausal women being led by a tyrant of a man. This I say ladies and gentlemen, is enough. Write up your local tv station and demand that they remove this beast from the airwaves before he goes after Poland. That's right I'm comparing Dr. Phil to Hitler. I DARE YOU TO ARGUE WITH IT. (Thank you Paul F. Tompkins, genius) On an unrelated topic, I recently had this thought cross my mind. When you're breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, do you really owe them a break-up that's good for both of you? It's been said that it's selfish to do it over the phone or with a letter, or when someone is drunk or something like that, but to that I offer this counterpoint: if you're fed up to the point that you just wanna get out, then do you really need to care how it ends? Should you owe them anything, or should you go out of your way to make it as easy on them as you can? Leave comments and let's see what we can get going here shall we? Any and all comments are welcome on the matter. K-$

Since most of the females who read this don't get most sports references, I have decided to dedicate this entry to Gwen Stefani and The O.C. Yeah right. The day I write about those two things without bashing them is the day the terrorists have won. I BASH FOR AMERICA! It's fucked how fast a month can fly by. Speaking of things that are fucked, I wouldn't want to be Paul Martin anytime soon. If you live in Canada and don't get what that means...*shakes head*. For those of you who live in Winnipeg like I do, check out 95.9 on the radio every monday from 2-2:30. My buddy Taylor has been allowed to peddle his wares during that time, and he didn't even have to take a shot in the mouth to get it! All kidding aside, well done good sir. As well, if you live near East-Kildonan, either in it, or in areas such as North Kildonan, Elmwood, and *shudder* Transcona haha, my friend Tyrone is looking for one and all to come and appear in a movie he is making. I am going to be assisting him in making said movie, and have been toldmy first duty is to find everyone I can to come appear, ONSCREEN, for a scene or two. Let me know if you're interested and I will get you the details. Also, at work some senior quoted Anchorman today and called me "a gentleman and a scholar." And what's funnier is that I bet he's never seen Anchorman, and just uses that expression because he thinks it's cool haha. Anyways I'm outta here. K-$

A few thoughts on some happenings in sports. -I hope the umps in the Angels/White Sox series are seriously considering entering the Witness Protection Program. As the number of calls that they blow that directly affect the outgame of a game rises, I hope they realize that a lot of people are going to be gunning for them (and I use that term loosely), ESPECIALLY after both the Yankees and Red Sox were eliminated early, giving a lot of people no hope as it is for the playoffs, never mind umps blowing calls. -Also, the ump behind the plate for game 4 of the NLCS today, tossing both La Russa and more importantly Jim Edmonds needs to seriously get his head examined. Tossing a manager who is arguing a call is one thing, but to toss a star player in the bottom of the 8th in a one run ballgame with the count full...that's a fucking travesty. Someone check, he might have umped some of the games in the Angels/White Sox series earlier this week. -Moving onto hockey: The Senators are unstoppable. The Coyotes are terrible. The Leafs are average at best. All not really a surprise. But the Predators??? I hate to say it, wait, no I don't, but I called them for having a breakout start to the season and a breakout season in general. They're gonna go places baby. -Also, even in this new NHL, some things never change: 1) Jeremy Roenick is still a loudmouth, pussy American assfuck. You'd think after 11 concussions, you'd shut up, for fear that you may not be able to string sentences together for much longer. 2) Brett Hull is/was still washed up and it was about time he retired. Don't even get me started on the people unretiring Bobby Hull's jersey so that he could wear it. Last time I checked, Bobby only played here in Winnipeg, not Phoenix as well. And 3) Pittsburgh still sucks. Sorry everybody. -Finally, I shall end with some football related stuff. Is it just me or does... > Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher look a lot like Houston Astros manager Phil Garner? > Jake "the Snake" Plummer look a lot like the latest redneck trailer park trash hick they arrested on "COPS" last week? Don't get me wrong, the guy can play football, but MAN...do something about the appearance Jake. Most importantly, get rid of the whole molestor look. Few guys other than actual molestor's can pull it off. > Ricky Williams look a lot like captured terrorist Saddam Hussein. Look at a picture of each of them side by side and tell me they aren't twins haha. So yeah, anyways, that does it for my first entry in damn near a month. In closing, Shaun Alexander from the Seahawks is a fucking MACHINE. Thank you, K-$

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! System of a Down were unfuckingbelieveable. So fucking good. And they played for so long too. I wanted it to never end, but sadly it did but it FUCKING OWNED! mwhahahahahaha. PEACE

I don't have much to say, but I'm going to leave you here with a conversation I actually had. Enjoy until I come up with something else to say. Me: "that's cool. So how was work man?" Tyler: "long and boring." Me: "that sounds like my penis." Tyler: "..." Me: "..." *cough*

So apparently you people out there...you don't care about any actual events in my life. I can't put a personal spin on any of my writings, it's all gotta be stuff I just make up from something. There's no compassion around here goddamnit! Everyone just wants the jokes cranked outta me like a fucking Nike shop in the middle of goddamned Hong Kong! So FINE here ya go: people in New Orleans and all other areas affected by the Hurricane, I could talk about how I am keeping you in my thoughts day in and day out as you go through this horrendous time, but instead, don't you agree that Paris Hilton is a spoiled, anorexic slut? Like totally, I know hey? And further more, the people affected by the hurricane. I watched a story on the news in which a British reporter was taking a boat thru different communities and he found one house full of teenagers who explained that there mom had died in the backroom and they were stranded. The Brit, being the standup bloke that he is, offered them to hop into the boat and he would take them to a shelter where they could get clean. And guess what, he got out, they got in, and he started WALKING WHILE PULLING THE BOAT. The water was KNEE HIGH. Why in the hell could you not WALK YOUR OWN ASSES TO GET HELP FOR YOURSELVES? Especially when your mom is dying in a back bedroom. Are you that RETARDED that you don't think to WALK through knee high water when your mom is dying, you fuck?! Now I'm sure not all people affected by the hurricane are that braindead, even though they do live in the southern United States. Come to think of it, maybe everyone there is braindead, because... you live in a city that is BELOW SEA LEVEL. It's the same thing with people who reside in Tornado Alley year after year. There's a reason why people point out those facts you know. OH! And another thing. If one more person questions whether or not Canada should actually send money and soldiers to help the people down there I will eat out my own ass with a spoon I found laying in the gutter on Main Street. We here in Canada would be fucked without them on our side and besides, that's just plain selfish, you pricks. So there ya go, no personal spin from my own life on this entry. Enjoy. Or don't. I may be back to normal in a few days and.....oh wait a second, was that too personal? Fuck it.

Man things are crumbling everywhere. No, not with me, I'm still the solid pillar or strength and slight hilarity that you've all come to know and love. Despite that bratty 14 year old who tried to bring me down. Curses! But it's so many people around me. Everyone's breaking up. And usually when people break up, it's kind of a bummer, but life moves on. With all of these people breaking up at the same time tho, it really puts a downer on everything. I have nowhere to turn for fun and laughter if everywhere I turn someone has just dumped someone else. Or worse yet, been dumped! In fact, I'M the real victim here! Did any of you people, in your relationships, stop to think about what all of you breaking up would do to me?! Hmm? Did you? No, I bet you didn't, you selfish bastards. Not one of you stopped to think of the little people involved in all of your relationships. And by little people I mean me. And by involved I don't so much mean involved, as casual observer. Couldn't you stop and put a hold on things and maybe coordinate when you were all going to make these big changes in your...no...OUR lives? Like maybe one of you could have done it last week, then a couple weeks later the next couple goes for it and so on and so forth. Just a little courtesy people, that's all I'm asking for here, that's it. Actually, in all seriousness tho, a lot of people are down for various situations in their lives and so I think if we can all let them know that things will be okay before they know it, the world will be a much better place. Special shout-out goes out to Lisa, or "Lila" if you will.:P She's especially going through a rough time and that's not cool because she truly is awesome. So I would appreciate it if all who read this maybe stops by her diary (fakesuduction) and says hey and to also maybe let her know that this time will pass and she'll bounce back stronger than ever, regardless if you know her or not. Sometimes all we need is to know people are here for us when we're down. In other news lots of kids go back to school tomorrow, and to them I'd like to say a lot of things, but mostly: "ha". To quote Mr. Scott Thompson from the Kids in the Hall: "keep on do-do-doin' what you're do-do-doin' till it's done done done! Goooooooooodnight!"

Okay, well, there's something on my mind. And for once it doesn't involve giant breasts, so this is new territory and please: bare with me here. Have you ever noticed that when you are talking to people about music, every now and then you get one of those people who say things like this... "...and that's when I spilled the WHOLE pail of water on my boobs! Oh, what kind of music do I listen to? Well, you know, I like to sample everything, I really just like it all. I'm not picky." This has happened many times to me, and I really don't get that line of thinking. How can you like everything? There's gotta be something out there that makes you cringe. Essentially, you are telling me that you like songs about fucking bitches against the door, and on the floor, and fucking them on the couch and fucking them till they say ouch. Which probably involves the ass in one way or another, but we won't get into that. Or songs about committing suicide, cutting yourself to see if you still feel. Or worse yet, songs by John Mayer. And as if that isn't bad enough, these same people are the ones who give you the funny looks when you say you only listen to a couple types of music. What the fuck is that about? Don't treat me differently because I know what I like. I've listened to almost everything out there and I know what I want to listen to and I know what I don't want to listen to. You're just like people who window-shop at malls, never making up your goddamned mind at what you want but it doesn't matter because you don't have the finances to buy a clue anyways. And yes, in my somewhat convoluted analogy, by finances, I mean brains. Delicious brains. I don't really know why this subject gets to me the way it does. But it does. And I felt I needed to share it with you, my favourite people. Some more than others. Are you one of the lucky few who are more so? Most likely. -Kyle

Well folks, we've finally reached it. The End of the Line. No, I'm not discontinuing my writing on here, although that will surely be a side-effect of what goes down. No, I, the one they call KYLE, have decided it's time to end it ALL. Before you get all uppity and antsy in your pantsy's, you should know why. I got insulted, nay, I got BITCH-SLAPPED by a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. On HERE. SHE DISSED, AND THEN DISMISSED ME! It is a sad, sad day in KYLEland. You may be asking yourself why KYLE did not choose to fight back against this...this...THUG. It's because I am far too big for that. That's the petty road for one to take. No, I mean hey I could bring up the fact that she has Harry Potter for her diary background. Or that she is one of those kids who counts down the days left in summer until school starts again. Or that she listens to k.d Lang (get used to munching on carpet kid, you've already punched your ticket to Dykeville U.S.A). Or just the fact that she is 13 and clearly does not "get" the whole set-up I have going here. Why? Because she is young, and female, and therefore stupid. It's not her fault. Actually, yes it is. But no, I am far, FAAAR too big a man for that. So I hope she's happy with herself. I'm going to go turn on some Simple Plan and maybe light some candles and pull out the razorblades. And if you believe me, you're probably as young and dumb as my new friend here. :)

Oh my freaking GOD! K, so this whole time leading up to the Dustin Diamond show at Rumor's Comedy Club, a bunch of people were like "you're going to see Screech from Saved by the Bell do comedy? He won't be funny at all." Well fuck all y'all. haha i'm black! But really, he was fucking hilarious, and some of those jokes were dirty enough to make me blush. Well...blush while laughing my ass off that is. Damn he was good. I'm actually considering going back tomorrow night with other people who couldn't come tonight. oh AND...Guess who got not only an autograph, but an autographed polaroid picture taken with him. Oh yes that's right, ME. Before the show though, I was alittle worried. Not only could I not use my half-price coupons I had for his show (yeah so I'm poor haha) but I thought we were going to be late for the time to pick up our reserved seats. But we made it just in time, so that saved the seating dilemma. And not only was the 25 dollar ticket totally worth it just for his set, but we each got free tickets for shows for the next four comics that are playing the club too. So it's basically heaven for me. Anyhoo, it's late and i just drank a bottle of pure Canadian maple syrup at Perkins after the show for a free meal, so I'm gonna go run around the block for a couple hours. Foo Fighters on tuesday which will kick i'm sure, and SYSTEM OF A DOWN NEXT MONTH. Love, peace and chicken grease

Warped Tour fucking ruled! I nearly died, the car had about 28 different things wrong with it, and I'm sunburnt like a motherfucker, but it allllll was worth it. Here, basically, was the day: -Relient K- solid show, especially when the singer brought up the fact that people think he sounds like a 14 year old girl haha. -The Matches- they were okay, it wasn't my choice to see them but I still enjoyed it, they were very into it. -Big D and the Kids Table- excellent ska-punk from Boston. Check 'em out if you haven't already. -No Use For a Name- soild set from some soli veterans. -Lordz of Brooklyn- usually they're style is not my cup of tea, but there's something about them rapping with a violin in the background that I like. -BurnThe8Track- kick-ass fast band from right here in Winnipeg that I'd seen for the third time there. The bassist is amazing. -The Transplants- not much needs to be said here. Armstrong was on his game, Rob Aston was the most intense performer i'd ever seen, and Travis Barker is even better live. -Reggie and the Full Effect- really out there, really good. -Strung Out- again, another really solid set from some veterans. -Avenged Sevenfold- i'd have to say the best show of the day. They had the whole crowd in the palm of their hands from the moment they went on stage and opened with Chapter Four. I was mezmerized haha. -Fallout Boy- really only saw them by default, as we were waiting for the next band and had nothing better to do lol. -Dropkick Murphys- third time seeing them too, and they ALWAYS put on a good show. I'll see them 53 more times too, they fucking rule. So yeah, that's that. Next up...Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell) at Rumor's Comedy Club, and then the Foo Fighters. Man this year rules for concerts.