Well, I do believe our family is cursed. I hope it isn't so, but I feel that is how it is. I love them all so much. There is nothing I can do. I need a vacation. This week is finals and I can't think or feel. I'm hiding in my bedroom. My boyfriend has to come here if he wants to see me. I'm not going outside. I know how people are. I don't want to deal with emotion. I want to be selfish and mean and heartless...not feel anything. I'm going to my Aunt's next week. I hope that will allow me to breathe. I need time to rest and just relax. It's hard to relax...it is. I'm not sure it is in my genes. Just look at my family! So up tight... I have three more finals. I've already done three...things are going so slow. I really wanted my friends to come visit, but I decided I should just go home. So I'm going to surprise my mother and come home a night early...ehehe...I love my mommy. I want her to hold me. My friends don't know how to act around me...some didn't even know anything was wrong til I finally said, "I'm having a crisis right now! I can't do this." I dunno what I'm thinking or feeling. I'm almost not feeling. Everyone knows I live for my nieces. I'm so hurt. So scared. I don't want anyone to hurt. I want to take it all away and hide it under my bed...no one needs it. Everyone has a good heart and kind spirit. I want peace! I want happiness! I deserve both! Only the Lord can keep me afloat.