Well today was pretty much a shitty day. Everyone in my house was giving me shit. I don't know but I just hate how everyone is on my case. I think that they think I should bow down to them and I totaly am not gonna do that. Alot of people have been buggin the shit out of me lately I don't know but I mean seriously alot of people just bug in general. Don't get me wrong I get along with alot of people its just I hate how alot of people put on a act. They are one way infront me but when they are in front of someone else they are totaly different. I just laugh in my mind just how pathetic they are I don't know I know thats fucked up on my part, but then I think why do you want people to like you for someone your really not? I mean do you really enjoy that feeling? well I wouldn't know cause im not like that. anyways I just thought id let everyone know whats goin on in my head. Hope you all understand. I know its kind of hard to. -Derek-

Everytime I meet a girl I am interested in, she either doesn't want to give me a chance or hears some stupid bullshit from another careless, jealous, bitch she calls a freind. Im so tired getting really into a girl and then the next thing I know she is no longer interested cause of her friend. So basically I am an "Asshole" and "Man Whore" because people like to ruin other peoples lives in Ventura, which I think is pretty lame. I mean seriously I can't even show a girl who I really am before she hears some bullshit from one of her so called freinds. Anyways I just don't understand it she likes what she knows about me to begin with, then why doesn't she just stick with me and see where everything ends up? what does she have to lose... NOTHING, but I mean it might be her best decision in the world. Well all I am saying ladies is GIVE A GUY CHANCE before you just throw them away like garbage... I mean who gives a fuck what your friends say, if you like him just get to know him he just might be that guy that will make you the happiest girl in the world. -Derek-

Wow its really has been along time since I last wrote in this. Alot has changed, other then the fact that im still single and still hate my Gparents. Well I promise I wont stop writing in this cause I do need to let my thoughts out into the open, I honestly think its good for everyone to do it. But most people just choose to keep there thoughts/feelings hidden and let it just choke them slowly but surely, I on the other hand choose to be blunt and open. I honestly don't care if I offend anyone. Yet I do hate it when I do but I still would change what I did one bit as long as it was the right thing for me to do. Anyways I am most positive nobody will read this since I haven't written in this thing for months. Well I will write more later when I can think of what else I can write. -Derek-

Wow... Was my day boring, what did I do:Woke upTook a shower/brushed teeth Took my bro to a couple placesWent to Starbucks Went and bought a Dr.Pepper Came home and sat on my ass Got on the compWent to bedNow how lame is that? I really need to find more friends I seriously like have none now, they all moved away and it sucks. I honestly hate life lately, its sucks so much. Girls dont give me a chance, I have no friends and I never have anything to do. I am always at home. Never do anything on the weekends, I try but everyone always flake on me. Its sooo lame and it frustrates me soooo much!!!! AHHHH I HATE IT!!!! -Derek-

So tonite I worked at the concert venue "Ventura Theater" anyways the concert was Dwight Yokam... not a terrible big fan of country music but there were alot of pretty cowgirls there... to bad I was the guy serving the food to the people who bought dinner tickets... so I was wearin black dress pants, white dress shirt, and a BoeTie how pimp is that lol... it was funny a like 40 yr old drunk lady came up to me and was flirting like crazy. asking me what time I got off and if she can have my number... I told her I will give it to her later cause I was really busy but I ended up never giving it to her lol funny ass drunk lady... anyways I am staying up all night cause my grandparents are leaveing at 5am and they wanted me to be up when they left so I was like fuck it I will just pull an all nighter... its 4:30am right now so they are probley already up but im just gonna go out there after this... so anyways tomorrow is Saturday and I have to go cash in a check before noon because banks close way way early on Saturdays... but hey I have money for the weekend so im stoked... anyways earlier today I got a hair cut, I buzzed it but not to short. I buzzed it long enough so I can spike it... it was my look in High School so I thought i'd go back to it and see how its looks now... I like how it looks and thats all that matters to me, cause honestly I dont really care about other peoples opionion is about me. I could careless its not like im gonna die if they dont like what they see... well I am gonna head out in the family room to say goodbye to my grandparents who are going to Arizona for the weekend, wow 4 days without my bitchy grandparents... THIS IS HEAVEN... well gtg, I will write more tomorrow about my first day without my grandparents here... -Derek-

How the fuck can the Seahawks suck so bad when they are such a good team... AHHH I hate the Steelers...

Well lately I don't really have anything to complain about other then I really need to find a new job cause I quit my job not to long ago and I am not use to not haveing money. But other then that everything is going good. Well I don't really have anything planned for this weekend but hopefully that will all change. I think I will have plans so I am not really worried on that part. Well last night I went and say my mom and dads beach house, its actually pretty nice. The only thing is its about 15 mins from my house so its gonna be hard for me to go chill there, with all these gas prices flying high. well maybe I will just ride my bike or skateboard tehre and get some exercise. You can never not have enough exercise. I really think its sad that there are so many over weight people. I mean they are seriously some of the coolest people, its just sad to see them that way. I wish that there was some way I can help. I also feel bad cause im like skinny like pretty skinny and a couple of my friends call me skin and bone, but then I think what if I am the size that is heathly? seriously nobody really knows... anyways now im just talkin out of my ass so I will write more later. -Derek-

MY LIFEI've always wanted God in my life But the way I've lived just seems like im a blind spot in his eyes...(Chorus)God just come downAnd talk to meAnd just let me feel your hands and feet So I can also begin to wheepFather I need your help from above Because people say they give me their love But it just seems like they make me bleed And then just fleed And leave me there in need(Chrous x2) My Heart is beating faster and faster Just seems like my whole life has been a disaster Hurry up call 911 Im serious this isn't just for funIm about to grab this gun And end this song Holyshit what the fuck am I thinkin CLICK CLICK BANG My life is ending With all this blood im bleeding Didn't mean to end it this way Guess I will just meet you at the Heaven's Gates... (Chorus x3)