Today I had to make a really hard decision. No, not like Rebecca black’s “which seat do I take” conundrum… I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I hated how all the sacrifices were one sided. That’s bullshit, actually. Here’s the truth, unedited and unbiased. I gave up all my friends when I entered this relationship with… let’s name them Prongs, and I honestly didn’t mind because when I was with Prongs, I felt complete, I felt like nothing could hurt me, and like there was no happiness like the kind I was experiencing. But Prongs never did the same for me. Why not? Why can Prongs not just sit there and be miserable when I’m sat here also being miserable? Is it too much to ask that Prongs do the same for me that I did for Prongs? I realise how much of a prick I’m coming across, but I can’t help it, I just wanted to be the only person that could be there for Prongs. I wanted to be the reason for the smile on Prongs’ face, all the time. I wanted it to be just us. What’s wrong with that? I wanted to be the person Prongs wanted to be with all the time, and the person that was put above anyone else, because that’s how I saw Prongs in my eyes. But it wasn’t like that. So I asked that we go on a break. Maybe (probably) the problem is with me, and maybe it’s gone way too far for either of us to fix it, but I’m sick of having a major argument every week about the same goddamn thing. I’m sick of sitting in my room feeling miserable because Prongs isn’t here and then feeling twice as bad because Prongs is going out with friends and having a laugh. I’m gonna write on this a whole lot more from now on… I have no best friend to confide on… Sincerely, Noah x

Okay, so granted, I shouldn’t really neglect my blog as much as I have been lately, but to be fair, this isn’t the first place I come to when I want to write about what’s bugging me. (it’s not even the second or third.) I just squashed a bug that kept flying up at my face, thoroughly unimpressed. Why do bugs have to be so twitchy and weird? Why must they insist on flying near your eyes or your ears? 60% of the room is empty space and yet they insist on flying into my face. What’s the need!?!? Anyway, insomnia’s back and it’s hit me like a truck. I was not used to not getting sleep, I had a couple of weeks of reasonably good sleep and then it just all stops, this is night two (02:42 a.m.) I’m fried from doing all this uni work yet my body doesn’t seem to want to shut down. SHUT DOWN DAMN YOU!!! Anyway, going to go finish my leaflet on Forensic Psych. Yours, Noah x

It hurts. A lot.

So, it's been a while, but with me being home from uni and it being Christmas/NewYears and everyone going through that Crimbo mayhem, I honestly haven't had the time. I sincerely hope everyone had a wonderful time and got a shitload of presents, hell that's what Christmas is all about for half the world. For those of you who aren't so shallow, hope you had a wonderful time surrounded by friends and family. I'm annoyed, hence why I'm writing on here. Annoyed with several things. I'm annoyed with how people preach about something but when it comes to crunch time, they do the exact opposite, whatever your views are, would you fucking stick to them? 'Cause you're making me want to punch you in the face, no offence. Fuck it, OFFENCE. OFFENCE VERY MUCH INTENDED. I'm annoyed at people who won't leave me alone, if I don't want to speak to you, or speak about a particular thing, then would you please drop it and fuck off? Nobody likes a stalker, and if this carries on, I WILL have to delete your number, your facebook your email and tell you to kindly fuck off. Or if I'm trying to include you in something, would you be so kind as to not take the piss? It's not nice when you bitch about how much I don't tell you, and then when I try to tell you, you make jokes about it. Stop it, it's not funny and it makes you look like a prick. I'm annoyed at being let down. I don't have ridiculously high expectations, I have reasonable expectations that you're failing to achieve, stop acting like a fucker and start acting like a friend. Pull your head out of your arse and get your act together. You're seriously disappointing right now. I'm annoyed at being ill, I can't leave the house and all I do is eat junk food because I'm bored and there's fuck all to do, I don't wanna put weight on, so, dear immune system, you suck like a dyson, now fix me, Damnit. I feel caged! I'm annoyed at myself for my inability to get a decent's night sleep, going to bed at six or seven in the morning is not on. Waking up every thirty minutes, is not on. Sleeping for three hours a night is not on. I know I can't help it, but I hate myself for it. My cat just walked into the table leg. What a perfect comit relief moment. ~Story of my life. Yours, Noah xx

You know what I hate!? Research methodologies. Mark should take his ridiculous essay and shove it where the sun don't shine. I've been in this fucking computer room for fourteen hours and I haven't been able to drone on for 2000 words, because guess fucking what Mark, YOUR ESSAY TITLE IS SHIT! Seriously, leave that to people who know what they're doing. Why bring up the NHS and evidence-based treatment if you DON'T want us to talk about it? It's like writing, "My mother really wants a gildfish, she loves goldfish, people are saying she should get a goldfish. Discuss the war in Iraq."What. The fucking fuck, is that about!? If you want me to write about research methodologies, HELL IF YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT PERCY THE MAGICAL UNICORN THEN PUT IT IN THE FUCKING QUESTIOOONNNNNN YOU DOUCHE! Do you know what it's like to walk into a computer lab at five in the afternoon and still be there are half seven in the morning the next day? Do you Mark!? DOOOO YOOOUU? I haven't eaten since yesterday's lunch, and I'm tired and grounchy and damn right pissed off. You suck Mark, you suck HARD. I fart in your general direction. Goodnight Noah.

Howdy. Time goes by quick when you're drowing in work and get very little to no sleep every night. I want to snap at people for their annoying quirks, like these stupid french transfer girls behind me, giggling away- this is a QUIET computer lab, so how's about you all shut the hell up?! Look at me, raving away like my life is just horrible. It's not all bad, apart from the insomnia thing, everything is friggin' awesome! I'm getting good feedback on my work, I've done lots of reading, and still find myself quite pleased when lecturer's cut across AJ because she's talking shit, and I get to go home for Christmas and see all my old friends soon. I saw a guy walk into an open window and fall flat into a puddle today. It was funny as hell, he wasn't hurt, for all you considerate, compassionate people.By the way, I'm not REALLY feeling gelatinous, but it's such a funny word, I can just picture jelly jiggling along. jigglejiggle. Jiggle. Okay, I'm done. Jiggle. Yours,Noah x Jiggle.

Bloody hell.

I feel inspired! I'm ill and bedridden but not even that can ruin my spirits, I must write, I must I must I must!!

I've never felt more trapped inside my own head. Insomnia is slowly turning me into something I have no desire in becoming. To top it all off, I was told something that shook me to my very core: Santa isn't real. I'm freaking out. Yours, Noah

I cannot remember if I have replied to comments people leave me, I am very sorry, you see, my memory is shit. Promise, I'm not actually a pretentious twat. Sleep now, maybe, most probably not. Yours, Noah

Ha haha. Ha! People with insane 'diet' plans make me laugh. I have this friend... Let's call him, John. John is about 5'7 and let's be fair, rather chubby. So, John has put it in his brain that he shall go on a diet. Now, John has devised such an intelligent diet scheme, that I just felt the need to share his brilliance with you. -Gym everyday |For breakfast, John will either have eggs with sausages or two sandwiches. |For lunch, John will eat ridiculous amounts of pasta/noodles drowned in a nice, creamy sauce. |For dinner, John will have an apple. |Saturday and Sunday are John's 'pig out' days. Some of you might be thinking "WTF?!" I'm guessing those of you experiencing that thought, haven't seen the brilliance and the health prospects of this genius diet. Well done John, Kudos to you my friend... Yours, Noah

There is nothing I hate more than the taste of stale vodka in my mouth. You'd think I'd learn... Ah, yesterday was good night, I dare say I had a little too much to drink, and my liver and I aren't currently on speaking terms. He'll come 'round. Lectures tomorrow... Looking forward to see AJ... *end sarcasm* Sleep? Yes please! Yours, Noah

It's very hard to focus in your lectures when there is some stupid girl with deep unsetteling psychological problems, who feels the bloody need to input some (any) kind of noise/comment to show/mark her presence in the room. There's only so much more I can put up with before I turn around and say: "Now, why you feel the need to blurt out you most darkest inner-secrets is fucking beyond me, but honestly, nobody cares. Yes, AJ, we have all seen the cuts on your wrists which you make sure are perfectly visible to the whole room before the start of any lecture. Yes, AJ, we all think you're amazingly interesting for doing drugs and ending up in jail overnight. Yes, AJ, we all know you're oh-so-misunderstood by your mother, who has paid for this bloody course four times because you feel the need to drop out after the first year. Yes, AJ, we are all deeply jealous of your teeny weeny laptop, because you look ever-so-hardcore typing away on it. Too cool to use paper like everyone else? Of course you are... And yes, AJ, we all think you are a massive cool kid because you have blood stains on the cover of your psychology dictionary. Now would you shut the fuck up and let me learn!?" I just honestly hope someone else snaps before I do. Yours, Noah

Sometimes you have to keep yourself busy to forget. But what do you do about those moments; the quiet moments, when you find yourself alone and beginning to relax, and the realisation starts creeping back into the dark corners of your mind? Nothing. There is nothing you can do, fighting it shows ignorance, the more you push it out, the stronger it fights against you... And then... Game over; you lose. On a lighter, less dramatic note, I am currently sat on my floor, and my ass is now so cold, it's numb. That, my friends, is some kick ass comic relief. Yours, Noah