Only a little over 6 months till graduation. I honestly can't wait. Looking back on the past 3 years I realize how many people I've lost. I can only think of about 3 people I will keep in touch with. For some reason I think im going to lose them too. In my last year of high school I have lost the most friends. Should I even call them friends? I just hung out with them a lot. Some of them I just talked to. We all say "ya we'll keep in touch" but we all know that its not true. I don't think ive ever felt more lonely during xmas. I guess it's a trend, someone says that theyre feeling lonely and I guess you feel lonely too. They say that more people are depressed over the holidays. I'm not depressed, i just feel...weak? I dont know, i cant really explain it. Walking through school, I see everyone that i used to be friends with. I see everyone who i hate. I just want to be content. Yes...i've pushed away friends. Yes...friends have pushed me away. Just who do they think they are? Theyre so much better yet they dont even know what theyve become. Hopefully I get into Santa Barbara, then i can come back here every few weeks and actually enjoy being here. About 8 more months till a new start.