its not that i dont care, damn it i do. i care far to much. i care about him, i love him, i love my joshë....and i love her, i dare not tell her shes one o my best friends. And ma nigga, Ty, lol damn, hes growing up so fast. and i look how far hes come, and where i stand, and i wonder, what the fuck am i doing. Its as if, as if, one day its gona end. and time will surpress. As if love, is but an illusion, and life, a shadow knocked under heavens wings. Not tha work of tha devil, for he can not touch me, bu but not gods child, simply a softer sin. yes, a softer sin. its as if, there should be more, more then this moment, ither good, or ill. More then this lie, this....object. its as if....there is no reason. in tha end, does fate take its toll? or id fate, as good as the price we pay, and nothing more? i think back on the past years. and wonder, wonder why...wonder how....wonder, what if.....but thats all it will ever be. thats all it can be, and perhaps, this, this is my destiny, or perhaps, this, this is just a temporary fix, merly a part of the juerny to somthing more. its lyk driving 90 on tha freeway, on the wetest day of the year, and trowing your hands up screaming....and just lyk that....sweet misery has taken control. after all. im the one who gave that up to begin with, arnt i?

i GET UP IN THA MORN...GET READY, GO TO SCHOOL...SPEND HOURS FIGHTING TO FOCUS...I GO HOME, DO THA SAME THING TIL MONR, AND START IT ALL OVER AGAIN. ITS AS IF I HAVE NO REASON, I DO THA SAM ETHING DAY TO DAY. ITS AS IF IM STUCK IN THIS PART OF MY LIFE, BUT TIME STILL PASSES, LEAVING ME BEHIND. WALKING AIMLESSLY WITH ONE HOPE IN MIND, THAT ONE DAY, ONE DAY SOON, ILL LIVE AGAIN. I DONT GROW, I DONT FEEL, I DONT KNOW, I JUS DO...AND DO...AND DO. AND HERE I AM...STILL. IN THA SAME SPOT I WAS WEEKS AGO.

sumtimes i feel lyk all this bullshit, all this non-sense fighting is jus ta pass tha time away...just a way to make things a lil bite more realistic....cuz tha way i feel about him is nothing iv ever felt...its seems to out of reach. to say i love you and mean it...that..it scares me from time to time...i kno hes holding back..i kno i am to...so why am i so...uptight?tha small things upset me..lyk having pics of his friends on is dp...or when they say "i lvoe you" or "kisses" to him....i hate it..it pisses me off....it makes it seem lyk when he says it, it means nothing real...its jus sumthing u end a leter with, just sumthing to bring you at ease. so how can i tell? i dont think i can...my heart says hes real bout this, that this is what he wants...but then my fuckig brain comes into play and says, hes seattling...that hes jus messin wit ya. this bullshit is stupid, and yet, its not.♥

Alone by: Edgar Allen Poe From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. Then- in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life- was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still: From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain, From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold, From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by, From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view.

smoke me baby like your last cigarette whisper to me say you`ll never forget. could you break my heart a little bit more ? shove my body up against yours && kiss me like you mean it ;; anythings worth a taste [♥] Here I stand, with everything to loose. All I know is I don't wanna ever see the end. Baby please, Im reaching out for you, wont you open up your heart and let me come back in. [♥] I wish dreams were like wishes, and wishes came true, cause in my dreams I'm always with you. [♥] Police... Arrest this man... He just stole my heart [♥] One day you'll come to me and ask me what's more important: You or my life. I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you're my life.

it amazes me how incredibly fucked up people are......when i look back, over tha years, its like, what happened? what the fuck happened???? [[& every one was silent]]

omgggggggggggggggggg I LOVE Zoë<3333

MI AMOR

...but im so DAMN affraid of the futur.

& shes G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S, but she will never admit it. music makes her world go round, lieraly jeans & hearts are her trademarks shes affraid of fish & obsessed with life When she smiles, the whole room lights up && shes affriad of losing the only man she loves but you know what? she doesnt care

&& i dont want the world to see me, cuz i dont think that thed understand...when everythings ment to be broken i just want you to know who i am

why is it that everywhere i go...i think of you...and why is that everything i do, i do for you, WHY is it that no matter how hard i try, i cant forget you..why? and why is it that no matter how hard i try to keep you..i end up losing you? why?...why am i such a bad gf lyk that....why?

&& somtimes i wonder.....where along the kines of sanity & insanity, that i lost sight of what really means the most to me

i never wanted the stars, never shot for the moon, i like them where they are, all i ever wanted was YOU♥

&& i wish you'd yell at me. && tell me how you really feel. && i wish you'd lose your mind && blame it all on me && i wish you could see how confused i really am && i wish you could realize that non of its your fault && i wish you'd smack me right across the face and not apologize when i start to cry && i wish you'd push me and make me hit my head and watch as i sit there helplessly [[jus hurt me already baby]] [[[how fucked up of a person does this make me?]]]

he still makes my heart beat faster when i see his name...he gives me flutter-flys when i hear is voice, and after over a year, i still get this stupid grin on ma face when i think about him, even through tears.♥

dont blame ma mama, dont blame ma dady, i know they wish they neva had me....in ma room cryin cuz i didnt wana be a burden....thats how i feel right now. If i whern't alive, my mom could live happy, with the life she wants so despretly. its all my fault this bullshit goes down..im just a fuck up

why do i always feel like im compeating with ppl? why the hell do i feel like maybe hed rather have someone else then me? why the fuck do i feel so insicure around him, lyk im always being compared, even tho im not? why? yeah i dont know either. maybe its the drugs talkin, maybe im just struck by far to much jelously..or maybe i just see the truth? i dunno...but i hate it. wtf is wrong with me?? wtf is WRONG with me?

MIRA! its my Joshua...he has perty eyes. Le amo