things are different. there i said it. part of the reason ive been having so much trouble accepting the changes is that i keep expecting things to go back to the way they used to be. but they wont. this is how it is now. we are still great friends - maybe not as close as before but still great. heres the other problem- the question i need to ask myself but im afraid to ask: can i stay friends with them? as dependentas i am on them and how much i love them i have to ask if i CAN be with them. i think the answer is yes but heres the problem: im liberal- really really liberal. they are conservative. everything i say is a joke to them. education especially, it is my passion in life and they think im a joke when i talk abt it. they dont see the way things are tipped against the less fortunate- my goal in life is to fight this - the systemt hat supports it and the people who, out of fear or apathy or ignorance, perpetuate it. yet my best friends are in favor of the status quo. more than not caring- which would be a shame but i could handle- they dont want things to change. if anybody brings up a political question or starts taking abt our ed class and race i just try to keep my mouth shut cuz it only causes disagreements. we raise our voices and bicker, liz leaves the room and keith yells for us to shut up- and after we stop i feel like crying cuz once again i remember how hard it is to be so different from the people you love. i feel like i cant talk abt the stuff that is most important to me when im with them...which is almost always. i am silenced. can i go on in a friendship which requires me to ignor it when they make fun of my beliefs. i know they dont mean it to hurt me but i feel like by not speaking- i am compromising my values and losing part of who i am. i think they cant see what i have to say cuz they wont hear me- they listen in our debates- but they dont hear what im saying. i know why- cuz if they heard if they saw it from my perspective they would have to admit there is a huge problem. in admitting that you have to see that if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. that means you have to care forever and you have to fight- and that isnt easy. it takes all your passion, but its worth it. i love them and dont want to be without them- but am i giving up my principles to be with them?