Well, let's see... I haven't written on here in ages... Semester is almost over, so there's about a million things that I have to do in the next week. Lately I've been feeling down about half the time, and ok the rest.. I know it's b/c of the weather.. I HATE being cold and it always makes me feel bummed, but I wish I could make it stop. Home life is very well. Money is taking over my life. I'm still owed money, my loan is pretty much gone for this semester, and I have school bills due, not to mention rent, bills, and Christmas. I don't even know what to do. Got on food stamps, ( a whoping $62 a month) and since I'm practically diabetic, that would be helpful for about a week.. Sigh. Thinking about getting another job, but with vacation in two weeks, and two months out of the four next semester being in a show, I don't have a lot of time to work another job. Sigh.. Well, that's my rant for the day. I hope everyone else is doing well.

So, I sent my sister a text message that said: I hope you're ok. I miss you And she wrote back: Don't fucking say that to me. Im fine and im happy. I have nothing to say to either one of you becuase you dont support me or my decisions In Feb. I held her as she cried and saw her bruises, and how emaciated she was. Heard her tell me how he pierced her ear drum, almost broke her arm, bruised her ribs, and made her pass out on several occasions. Yeah...

I am so fucking MAD!!!!! Here's my father's email to my suggestion that he, my mother, and my future in-laws have dinner together: I tried in my email message below to suggest an alternative to having a dinner with everyone there. I am most interested in meeting Dustin's parents, but, in my opinion, a large dinner isn't conducive to getting to know someone. Additionally, and I didn't express this below because I didn't want to come across as negative, I am not interested in a group dinner that includes your mother. You don't have to agree with or even understand where I'm coming from, but I am hopeful that you will respect my decision. I have no desire to interact or to communicate with your mother and I trust that you'll see that putting us together at the same dinner will make me very uncomfortable. I respect the fact that you have your own opinion of your mother, but please also understand that I do as well. Fuck this god damn ass hole! I am so god-damn furious! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

So.. it's Spring Break at UMKC, but not at Penn Valley, so its not Spring Break at all. I think I have MORE to do this week then I normally do. Oh joy! Stressed out. Moved the wedding date, to decrease my stress so that's at least good. Having an engagement party in a few months, that should be nice. Really hope Romeo and Levi can come and bring their chitlins'. Too much to do. Little time. No energy. Belly dancing 5 nights a week basically To do: History Test Read Henry VI Read Richard III GD Project Yeah... wish I felt more motivated and stuff...

Today I shall be going to rehearsal for either 6 or 12 hours, they haven't said, though I suspect it's 12, full costume, tech rehearasal.. Getting married, September 26, 2008 to the man I love more than anything in this world. Wish some of my exes/wanna be exes would go away... Glad that some of my closest friends are now ok with the fact I'm getting married. That is really the most amazing and wonderful thing in the world. Stressed beyond all belief, but really when has that changed? To do today: History Essay-Why? History Essay-How? Thumbnails -40 Brief-GD Read two plays rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal... speaking of which, must get ready.

Fuck this Fuck this aching, bleeding, and crying Fuck these tears burning down my face Fuck I'm worrying and lying Pretending that I feel Ok. Fuck the late nights of sobbing Fuck the emotional walls Fuck these feelings and loathing The emotional rises and falls And fuck this urge to write it all down Fuck the desire to relive the pain Fuck the heart wrenching, gut twisting carthasis of hate Fuck it all, all over again.