ok so today is the day i express everything ive been dying to say...i need to put an end to this. This referring to my "relationship" with he who shall remain nameless. but i know you know who im talking about. As much as i want to believe that this is magical, yet honest...its not. this is vile. this is cheap. and i will never mean anything more to him. i should be content with that. At least thats the way i want to be percieved. But obviously im not. I shouldnt care about what he thinks. he doesnt matter. he will always lead me back to this place of confusion. I dont deserve that... or do i? Either way, ive been through enough for this. I know i shouldnt feel cheated, or used but theres always that trickle of doubt. I think that no matter how hard i try, some things i can never forget. Am i holding that against him? Sunconsciously i think i am. and i dont want to. I dont want him to hurt me like he did before. it was all my fault then-and will be now again if i just dont stop. i hate these feelings. i hate thinking of your face.