missed alot of sleep. I'm sorry i had you stay up to only fall asleep at four and wake at seven. i cant beleive its happened this way. I'm actually pretty happy minus occasional spat, but i dont have to worry about us like i did with uh allen. stupid middle name references. i cant do that with you. everyone calls you by your middle name. wow. i really care about you but i'm scared to go the extra mile to love. i dont want you to push me away. I dont want to deal with it again. you know how it was with him. the whole sexual thing we talked about was just on both our nerves. i just rather you do things without me having to ask. and certain things you do and i like! I'm stressed and worried if i'm even going to school. Its great you cared that i'm happy and not havin to deal with denisse and angie. thank you and for all its worth, even if you never read this, i love you.

i swallow my pride to talk to you, thinking you're gonna explode on me for just existing and conversing with you. who the fuck do you think you are? i waited for you. i told you yet you pull this shit where you're not sure and that you dont wanna be a secret. i didnt say you were gonna be a secret. FUCK. that afternoon/night/morning was nice. i told you it felt like a dream. not real. we were an us again. we were able to just be. even kevin just blahhed. i mean we watched weeds. and then just ate. i made you ramen. and last night, well you know, i remember what you said, you wanna be with me forever. then prove it.

well atleast hungover in the mental sense. He was talking to me about how he went to mexico with his cousin, denisse. and how he had fun doing things and it was strange cuz we saw each other at a value plus. strange huh? i wish i realized it was a dream, just to kiss him again. No, it's not my hormones, just i miss him. now i know how he felt when we broke up the first time. he didnt wanna let go. and now i cant.

wow i really need to get on with my life. Joey and I will probably finish the buffy season tonight and start on number three! I want him to watch How I Met Your Mother as well though. He'd like it, it's funny and adorable and really freakin bad ass. Cant see: i don't wanna know that he has someone. i need to get over it. Just shake it off. He even messaged me for the rest of his things. i should take a flippin hint! fuck. I wish my brain wouldn't think of all the crap. i mean he did alot. just slowly going insane. this escape from responibility has been great, the rockband, guitar hero, many denny late nights, and texting constantly. OH i need ot look for my bluetooth. i have it and i dont even drive. it took so little to burn off that money. grrr.

ok. i guess i'm going at it alone. sucky but i can wait. he's just too much. too much lazy. i'm trying to change... so listen i'm not trying to prove anything at all here. but don't you think that maybe this time you were wrong?

i gave it three days. i kinda worked. but i caved since i knew it sucked to ditched so i picked up and took somehwere yet it led to spendign the night. not intended. Now i know that i need to be more careful. well i can't find him today but i know it's ok. we need the weekend.

I do. it's just you don't really care... and i told you your salsaing on my last nerves but you dont care... I feel like one more stupid, rude, CARELESS thing you do, i'm just gonna leave... and never come back... i might leave to mexico for a year and i want too feel like i can come back and know you will have changed and finished school...

i can't help it... i use my phone as a reason. yet i think i'd talk to you if i had it... why do i still like you? you never did anything for me. but well.. he would give me his future but he won't show the rest of him he needs to develope..

damn he's still at it. nothing for close to a month, then BAM, now he kicks my books.

I really should stop it. I mean i know he doesn't but the way he talks. Damn.

Stress can breed a psychopath You’re all that calms me down I forget that I’m a mess when you’re around Please can you be home tonight Say its not over yet My human tranquilizer My pretty percocet I’ve got ants in my pants unless its you in them instead Oh baby I was a faker before you Tomorrow brings a busy day Its overstuffed with time I need to hear you breathing on the line And you can be closed minded If you have open arms Why can’t I ever work my wily charms on you? And you still weren’t home when I dialed up the phone in the evening So I’m twiddling thumbs and I’m wondering what’s this I’m feeling I may be strong below the belt But not with what I thought and felt That blissful knight I knelt Between your legs Between our heads Between our hearts I was a faker before you.

really have to see you. so we can do what we're scared to do. you'll threaten that you wont ask but just take but i know you better and you dont want to hurt me. force isnt your thing

yeah. it was a dream. he waas kissing my neck

just sit next to me. you sitting across isn't an excuse. i'll listen. i don't care if your brother is staring at me. he's not you. i didn't wake him up when he fell asleep on the bus. he didn't pick my book who was influenced by the human boy, he didnt steal my seat as a weird joke. i liked it when you told that dumbhead for calling me bi. i wished you talked. i'd bite your lip

fuck i know you saw it. the thing beneath the pillow and the sheet. you don't wanna say but you see me there underneath. you think it's kinda funny the other you teases. makes fun. just messes, fucks with me. You're not upset yet his name you jest. i want to build that brick wall but i know i'll let you go. i'm not montresor. i can let go. i'm not in a vengeful mood anyway. just think, if only we talked. made contact. even had a third thursday of every month, we'd be able to whine and listen and be the shoulders.

I'll_____ for you. Learn to buck up

hm still despondent. and now my voice has a cracky sound, because whispering the names was taking too long.

when you tried to kiss me i only bit your tongue. when you tried to get me together i only came undone. when you tried to tell me the one for me was you, i was in your mattress back in 1982. i still couldnt get the picture.

letting him know over a network where experience shows that he may never say anything... but he knows and wants me to tell him i do like him when he makes me feel bad i was underestimated. i was certain a bad birtday would come. new shirt. it's fucking revealing. i'll wear it despite the cold.

my throat hurts. i can't even be in my own room without getting terrorized. i ate a starburst. yay. i just want to eat pho with m.m. and watch ANTM and be ok and not worryful. ok i'll leave you to it.