... i love my matthew!!

and so im alone. its okay though. its like iv always been alone. i always get in these bad situations with guys. i have a feeling that im going to be alone forever. and i know that i need self confidence but for some reason i cant find it. the only thing that i see when i look in the mirror..is just a plain ugly girl. i want to be so much more than that. i want someone to love me for me. will that ever happen? i seriously doubt it.. xoxo manda

Im Selfish As Selfish Comes You're Giving Me A Run For My Money. NOVEMBER 17 - The Best Band Ever Is Coming Here!

Consider me weak like the week after c h r i s t m a s i love cute is what we aim for x3

.things havent been that great lately. i always want what i cant have. but isnt that how it always goes? but why do i want someone who treated me like shit? .this whole situation with tangi & mike is breaking my heart. even if im not showing it. i thought your best friend was suppose to know when your secretly falling apart inside. .matt telling me he loves me isnt helpin any in my life either. i dont understand how he can love me. but love is strange.

*Xx.i was suppose to go to beths today. but no1 answered. o well. spanish 2 sucks. ...nothing new really happened. ---->i think i might go to bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With a gun in her hand shes my shooting star

friday night i finally got to watch *the notebook* . i cried so much. thats how i want my love life to be. but it wont ever be so ..no need for me to cry over it . saturday night seen some old friends . went to a redneck party . crazy . frankie called & wanted me to spend the night with him. i couldnt . we are suppose to do something friday . today has been okay . boring day . did some unselfish things . im such a nice person . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You almost always pick the best times - to drop the worst lines - you almost made me cry again this time - another false alarm - red flashing lights - well this time I'm not going to watch myself die - I think I made it a game to play your game - and let myself cry - I buried myself alive on the inside - so I could shut you out - and let you go away for a long time… Everytime she sees him she [d i e s . i n s i d e] Everything she feels for him she is [F o R c E d . t O . H i D e] She knows he could never feel the [S a M e . W a Y] so she pretends she [D o E s N t . C a R e] hoping she can make it through the day , full of pain that no one can see & at night all she can do is think of what will never be When she finally falls asleep she dreams of him his beautiful smile and the way he makes her laugh This is the only time she is ever truly happy because in her dreams they`re not just friends he loves her back She wakes back up and knows she has to face reality he does not love her, the dream is just a cruel joke Played by the crushed heart he doesnt even know he broke.

I Soo Need To Update.... Frankie & I are officially over!! O Yeah!! Go Me!! Im actually talkin to his friend Sam now. Sam is crazy!! But its feels right when im with him. Well last week the worst thing happened. And Im still sort of tore up about it. I snuck out with a friend to these guys house. We decided to play a card game. We got a little too drunk. We actually dont remember much after that. I just know that I got tooken advatange of. And now I have a bladder infection from it. Im going to the Doctors tomorrow. I dont understand why guys would do that. I actually thought they'd stop. Im so stupid. But back to Sam. Well actually theres this other boy who likes me. But hes one of Tangis old flames. I hung out with him thursday night. He was soo drunk. He told me a lot of things that night. And I so thought that he'd forget it all and never talk to me again. But hes been callin me ever since. ..well thats a lot.. i think im gonna go take a nap. New Pic Of Me ....i know its ugly

Things have been okay!! ...im stronger than what i thought i was!!

SMGhOtTiE09: dont trip cuz u look like tales uh tha crypt Nine2yaDoMe0: Tales Of The Krypt Nine2yaDoMe0: wat up harelip Nine2yaDoMe0: misfunction of tha nostril Nine2yaDoMe0: its kinda crooked Nine2yaDoMe0: cocked sideways with a fucked up top lip things wont ever change..

guess its time i update you on whats goin on in my life... 1. i had sex again. with lil jon. it was good. one night stand. i dont have feelings for him. 2. mike broke my heart. he hates me. and he wants to get with my best friend. 3. me & frankie are still together. 2 months. wow. i wish i could end it. 4. im all the way over shorty! im so happy! --now .. last night mike,lil jon, & stephen broke my heart! they are suppose to be my friends. but they made fun of me. TOTC. tales of the crypt. thats my new nickname. ___i cried all day. i dont care if people call me a slut, say im fat, or anything like that but i SOOO care if people make fun of something that i cant help. ^ you can see it so well in that pic ^

yup it continues.... 26.__i still love BB Mak 27.iv broke a heart__ 28.__im very self consious(spell check)? 29.i love to sing even though i suck__ 30.__i was physically abused as a child 31.i dont hate my mom though__ 32.__im not a virgin 33.i dont care what ppl think__ 34.__but i do...confusing ..huh? 35.i dont like the color red__ 36.__i hate my highschool 37.i have a fake tooth__ 38.__summerland is one of my favorite shows 39.i love chad michael murray__ 40.__i sleep most of the time 41.i lie a lot ...to adults..__ 42.__i love playing in wal-mart 43.i judge people..sometimes__ 44.__im white 45.iv never had sex with any of my bfs__ 46.__iv kissed a girl 47.i think its hot when guys kiss__ 48.__i want to learn how to skateboard 49.i love getting drunk__ 50.__i love the movie "coach carter" --life stinks right now. but hopefully it will start looking up. i think it already has..

...100 facts about [ me ] 1.__i dont have my license 2.i live with only my dad__ 3.__my hairs brown 4.im depressed__ 5.__im single 6.i love to write__ 7.__iv o.d. before 8.i was born with a cleff lip__ 9.__i only have 1 true friend...tangi 10.i fall for guys easily__ 11.__im a hopeless romantic 12.i love the used__ 13.__i want to be a make-up artist 14.i was born on feb. 13__ 15.__im unpopular 16.i have 2 sisters__ 17.__i think im fat(but doesnt every girl?) 18.i love 2pac & biggie__ 19.__im failing spanish 2 20.im belimic(spell check?)__ 21.__im addicted to aderol(spell check?) 22.i hate guys__ 23.__i absolutely love bacon bits 24.id rather daydream than live in reality__ 25.__i always eat ice cream at midnight ....finish later

me & frankie broke up. lil jon prob. wont ever talk to me again. mike hates me & thinks ima whore. ^..ill update you on that later..^ whats the point of love when it only tears me apart?

March 5 Twisted Logic .. at The Fire Escape Check Em Out: www.hxctwistedlogic.com www.purevolume.com/twistedlogic -----UpDaTe----- school sucks. frankie sucks. he cheated again. got proof this time. spent the night with stephen. noah is hott. i hate guys. im not losing the weight i need to be losing. help me? im always gonna be fat. i hate girls. fuckin bitches. time to go. be good. peace. .to know this is just my dream. -and its your, reality-

People say that love is beautiful. Theyve never felt the pain. I have. People say that love is like a rose. They cant feel the thorns. I can. People say that love is like a river. They can swim. I cant. People say that love is like a flower. They cant see that its dead. I can. People say that love hurts. At least they got one thing right.

todays my birthday

she walks herself down the halls away from the people up against the walls being sure to keep far from them all these people make her feel like shit as if she means nothing they dont even regert doing it they say'she dug her own pit' they dont realize the greatness of her pain they think nothing of her feelings if they only knew they are the ones who make her tears come like rain on her heart they have left an agonizing stain her life was lived in constant fear its not like she wanted all this pain they came from the things she was forced to hear she just prayed her end was near they cause her to do things to herself you would have never thought they never bothered to notice her so no one ever knew but then there was the day she got caught until then her happy appearence had been bought she sat in her room with a knife she knew what she wanted to do this would be the last day of her life and it would end with one simple swipe the world stared in wonder as they all stopped to see a girl with a note in her pocket she had written the things that people wouldnt believe the girl formally known as me

school is a little better. (examples) -im actually gonna have enough credits to graduate!! -ashleys in my spanish class now!! yay!! -d block actually has some pretty cool ppl!! im in love with this guy from england. hes everything i want in a guy. looks & personality. and he actually thinks im pretty. ahh i have the worst luck. wed. was my last meeting with gary. he asked if i need more help. i dont him no. why cant i ever ask for help? i have a feeling ill need him soon. i hate when ppl talk shit about my friends. these girls im friends with are like talking all this shit about jess. we just became really good friends. jess is the sweetest girl ever. im not just gonna sit on the side & listen to ppl talk shit about my friends!! by the way ....i have a cleff lip ...get the fuck over it!!

yeah so i kinda had a breakdown friday night. tangi helped me a little when she came over. helped me clean up for the mall. saw frankie there. we talked for a lil while. i just love the way he acts around me. holding my hand, hugging, & kissing me. hes not embarrassed to be with me. later that night we went to gilligans to meet stephen & his friends. it was stupid. we left around 12. took stephen & his friends home. we got home around 2. i didnt wake up until 4:30 in the afternoon on saturday. we didnt do anything. it was kind of a relief. i hate having to paint myself up ...just to go to the mall. watched that movie unfaithful again. that movie is soo sad. great sex scenes tho. LoL. yeah im sexually frustrated. i could get some from frankie but i dont want none. i want some from mike. sad? yeah i know. im on a mission to get mine & tangis guys back. we really miss them. and it seems as if they dont even ...think about us. i dont care what i gotta do ...im gonna get them back... Goodbye To You Your Taking Up My Time