Have you ever noticed that anyone going faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower than you is an idiot? You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. He who laughs last thinks slowest. I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing. The statement below is false. The statement above is true. What's better... a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear? If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? WHEN THE VERY FIRST MAN DISCOVERED THAT COWS HAVE MILK... WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING?? It's ok to kiss a fool. It's ok to let a fool kiss you. But never let a kiss fool you. One night I was looking up at the stars and matching them up with one reason we are friends..... then I ran out of stars. Lets talk rights and lefts...your right I left. If something is indescribable, isn't that describing it? If someone suffered amnesia, and then was cured, would they remember that they forgot? have you ever wondered how they get the swirls on the toothpaste to always come out perfectly? "Like comes before love in the dictionary" Imagine this: you take a test and fail. So, since you have a time machine, you go back in time and study for the test, therefore, passing the test. But since you passed the test, you have no reason to go back in time and study, so you didn't really pass, you failed. Where in the nursury rhme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg? If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. Why are there handicap spaces outside of a roller rink? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Why does bottled water have an expiration date? If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." Sorry Im Thinking... I Could be Gone for A While... Sorry Im Thinking... I Could be Gone for A While... If a person with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?