Well, hello there ache of my heart. It's been almost three weeks since you've visited me and terrorised every inch of my life.
Perhaps you thought that i had missed you a little? Well, you were wrong. I am strong, and i did not crave this ache back again.
I'm trying to heal, has anyone told you? Everytime i think i've found a friend, he'll twist words around my heart and manipulate me into somewhere where i just can't be anymore.

Firstly, there was..Lets call him Boy1. We're together for four months, but you only wanted me because you were the 'New Boy'. You needed someone to help you find your feet, to establish who you are and the easiest way to find your feet... Date the smart girl with no self-confidence. It was so easy, wasn't it? You didn't have to do anything, you just had to sit back, and let me ache. Oh, and when the tides of life changed, you found someone else to make you smile. Break. -January.

Secondly, there was..Lets call him Boy2. We were never together. I was with Boy1, aching, hurting, crying endlessly. I needed someone to look after me, and you in turn were so unhappy in your relationship. I wanted to look after you so badly, to feel i had some reason or purpose. But...you too, used me. You didn't want me, only wanted a brief smile. I gave in, i needed to fulfill someone's life. Break.-January.

Thirdly, there was..Lets call him Boy3. We were never together either. You were crazy about my best friend, and i was aching over someone else. I was trying to heal, trying to forget. In between, we found eachother. We found...someone we thought understood ourselves, who knew what it was like to stand where we did, and to ache how we did. Oh, how it hurt. But, we met, and i remember the way you kissed me. I've never been kissed like that before. One night..it was perfect. As of the next morning? You hated me, i never knew why. Break.-February.

Moreover, there was...Lets call him Boy4. Oh wow. We were together. 9Days, shocking. But..our friendship, affraid, love...lasted months. You were my best friend, my lover, my freedom, my ache, my everything. And i ignored my feelings endlessly, because i just wanted to forget. I didn't want to love you, and i think you know that now. But i did, and as soon as i could admit it...You milked it for all it was worth. You used me, and tore me to shreds, because you could, because no one else wanted you. Oh, but it was worth it, for a made you smile; if only once. Even if you killed apart of me, and took most of whats was left with you. B-R-E-A-K.-March/April/May.

Finally, there was...Lets call him Boy5. Well, if you read this, you'll know i've written all of this out, just so you could see it, just so you could read it. Well..He could be Superman, he could be God, he could be Spongebob. He saves people, gives them hope and makes them laugh. Or at least, thats what he did for me. With his strange obsessions of cake, Starbucks and stilletto's. You have had the greatest effect on my heart. And, only because you took the time to understand how words effect me, they have the greatest hold and they give the greatest thrill. Oh, how i adore your words. I think sometimes you just speak and forget. But, perhaps you should know how they radiate through me. I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I know you didn't want this, and then after all; you didn't want me. I shouldn't be surprized. But i've known you for three years, i thought i would be able to understand, but underneath the brave smile and endless ensurance, i don't. You're in my heart, as is your story and i'm reluctant to let you go. Don't worry however, i'll stay away. I'm so..talented and making others happy, self-sacrifice. I just wish you wouldn't run, i wish you'd just stay and try. But it's so easy to run. Shatter.-July.