I've been letting you all consume me, letting you suck the life out of me.
Do you know why?
Because, i thought i was helping you. And...I guess it took my mum to come and find me and tear the 11th book of the past 6 days out of my hands and shake me enough to wake me up.

HELLO??? DID YOU REALISE YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER AND I CARE ABOUT, I LOVE YOU AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT ALL THESE MEN ARE DOING? THEY'RE LEECHES SWEETHEART AND THEY'RE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF. LET YOURSELF HEAL, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.

There she sat, my mother, on the end of my bed, as i curled into a ball and cried. And, she stayed there, hugging, letting me cry it out. Then, telling me how i'm worth so much more than the way i let myself be treated.
And, for the first time..maybe, just maybe.. I'm going to give myself a chance.

I hate change, but it's time to embrace it.

I'm moving 500 miles away from somewhere i've lived for 5 years. 100miles for a year, right? Well, stop being afraid, stop hiding away and avoiding it. Go get a box and start packing. It's gonna happen, even if you're not sure you're ready. Grow up, and get on with it.

I left school this year. My summer feels kind of empty and i miss school. What kind of 16 year old am i? Well, screw this. Lets go out there and enjoy my summer, we don't get much sunshine in this country!

I'm scared of going to college. What if people don't like me? Well, i live in a very backward part of the world. I'm too much of a 'city-girl' to fit in with where i live. So move back to a city, live the fast pace, enjoy the moment. If i like myself? Maybe they will too. If they don't? Tough luck - move on.

Finally.. I'm getting my hair all cut off. I have very wild crazy deep brown, nearly black hair. It falls in loose curls, going nearly two thirds of the way down my back. I'm having it all cut off, so short it's almost shaved at the back. I'm generally really moderate with my hairstyle. Side bangs, a few layers, that'll do. This time? Full fringe, masses of choppy cut layers, short, 3 colours through the fringe. HELLO WORLD, I'M ALIVE.
My body's not great. I'm a size 12, sometimes a 14. It's nothing to be greatly proud of, but i'm not fat. I have good curves, mostly in the right places. Okay, so losing a stone wouldn't kill me, but it wouldn't make me any happier, so is there much point? I like my body, most of the time - i'm comfortable with myself.
I can't change my face, and i wouldn't want to. I'm 16, my complexion is always clear, i always look flawless so i never wear foundation, (unless going out somewhere special) and my skin tone is naturally quite tanned.
I speak proper english, with a full english accent - i like it.
I dress...differently. I throw my own fashion together. I used to study Vogue. It was my kind of Bible. And, i used to listen to Gok Wan. He once said 'Matching underwear isn't sexy'. Well, you know what Gok? I like matching underwear. Although, perhaps writing that on a public site, is a bit strange. But, the fact of the matter is? I have my own style, i don't need you guidance. Tuesday, i was Vintage. Wednesday, i was Classic. Thursday, i was 80's. Friday i was 50's. Saturday...who knows? I wake up each morning and decide who i want to be.

I've decided to learn to love myself. Thank-you Mummy, for waking me up.