Hey everyone. Sittin here hangin out at my house. Happy Belated Easter to everyone! Picked out the paint color to my room at my dads house this last time I was down there. Got a whole bunch of summer clothes too. When I go down there I love how I can be myself. Yes - when Im here i am mostly myself at school - but not at home. I feel so trapped and lonely it isnt even funny. This past time I was down at my dads I made up my mind about alot of things. Things that have been on the back burner for so long people know about now. The only problem is that the person that needs to know these things the most doesnt. She doesnt know them because I am afraid of her. I am scared to tell her and get a reaction from her. I know that once I tell her things are going to be different and awkward. I wish I could just do what I am planning to do without having to tell her. I want her to just know. I have been thinking about it and working myself up over it. I am expecting the absolute worst. I think of things now that I have never thought about before. I think of how I am going to talk to people. I think of how I am going to look people in the face and tell them the truth. I am scared to think of these things now knowing that these things are soon to come. I want to do this on my own. I dont want people to help me ... I just want them to be there for me once I do it on my own. I want people to understand and not hold any gurdges against me. But I know that this will never happen. Once I tell her - things will be different between us - and I dont think I can face it. Until Next time Courtney