I made a mistake. A mistake that caused my heart to break. And its my fault totaly and completly. I ruined a friendship over my stupidness, tobaco, and bad decisions. All which was my fault. I slept today, mostly because i didnt want to think about what i was going to have to eventually. Every time i woke up, i remebered and it was to much, so i slept more. I wanted to forget my troubles with drugs, but isnt that wat got me here in the first place? I made an unrepairable mistake and the person i hurt meant so much to me but i dont think that they are going to forgive me, my mistake was just to much. I want my mom, i know that sounds immature but thats what i need right now. I need to straighten myself out, but im not sure i rememeber how. Its been to long since i had my life together, and with this one person i finally felt like i could handle what was going on in my life. but i abused that, and now its gone. Last night i hurt myself, its the first time i have ever done it, and i think i hurt me more than i already was hurting. I felt raw and vulnerable after and the one person i wanted to talk to, probably will never talk to me again. So basicly, im not such a good person when it comes down to it and im going to go sleep somemore because maybe, if im lucky, my heart will stop beating in my sleep and ill slip into a state of happiness away from this world of mine.