and warmth ensues

I still have no idea who I am or who I used to be.

At least now I know where I want to be.

I'm finally with the love of my life, actually in her place in GA right now.

Got a fucking headache from hell right now, nothing unusual.

Can still hear those scattered thoughts in my head all screaming at me,

and I've still no idea which is the real me.

I hope that I've got it figured out, and that I can play the part until

it's all worked out in my head. I know that I love her.

I can feel it like a deep ache in my ribs that can only be appeased

by her presence. I'm good where I'm at. Now to just work out which

voice is happy here as well.

I still have my moments of severe detatchment, I can lose hours sitting there

staring into space hardly feeling anything, myself least of all. Sometimes

nothing feels real. I can get frustrated and punch the nearest hardest object

until my knuckles are mincemeat, even through the pain I've learned to ignore

it's still hard to believe it's my hand. Dreams can feel more real. Wake up

and wonder where reality went. It's ok though. I'll figure it out, work it out,

shove it aside, whatever I need to do. I'm happy here, I can actual smile

instead of my fake smirk. At times I think my mind is even settled a little.

And so this is it. I write when I'm depressed, and for now I'm not. Who knows

what the future holds, but right now mine doesn't look as bleak as it always has.

I've got Chelsea, not as some token or souvenir, but as someone I mutually love

and am loved by (I think?) no, I'm sure. So I'm signing off. Been a wild ride,

time to settle down. Love you Chelsea <3