So everything's pretty much rediculous. Michelle told me about this place, and I dont know anyone who could possibly know who I am from this website; no one that I know usues it, besides Michelle. I'll still change the names for protection of the innocent though. GOD there's so much to talk about. I dont even know where to begin. To start out, I've never been kissed. Or had a boyfriend. Or anything. And I'm probably not as ugly as I feel. But if Oprah can get a husband, can't I get a boyfriend? I dont know. I've been thinking lately. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm kind of messed up. I get frustrated over the silliest things. And I've been paying a lot more attention to what happens when I get frustrated, when I get these seizure-like fit tantrum things. I'll start breathing really quick and sharp, my face and ears will become extremely red and hot. And I'll start crying and twitching a lot. And I can never, ever sit still when it's happening. My hands and arms and legs are all shaking; I can never get control of it. I remember actually falling down on the ground once. Oh god and its so incredibly frightening. I honestly dont know what to do. And my mother just thinks It's hormones when I'm saying rude things to her, but really, it's because I've just had one of these tantrums; these insane, terrifying, unexplainable fits. And I can't think straight at all when it happens. I just want someone to tell me what's wrong, put some sort of label on my problem so that I know what's wrong with me, so that I can at least understand it in the least bit. Because it's so scary to know that something is really really emotionally wrong with me, and not be able to do anything about it. And get in trouble for the things that are a result of it. I've been grounded several times, had privelages taken away, been yelled at and so many other things because of this one problem. I tried talking to my mom about it, but I couldn't explain it all to her without sounding rediculous. So I just told her I've been stressed. But that doesn't help at all. Not in the least bit. God and no one at school would even suspect it. I'm the LAST person people would suspect to have anger or any emotional problems for that matter. Except Jake* (***Names have been changed for privacy***). I told him about it today, and he said he completely understood what I was saying. He also said that often he became very sad. Terribly sad. He is normally one of the happiest boys I've ever known. He's giddy and funny and a nice person to be around. But he started explaining to me how he would often lock himself in the bathroom or in his room and cry for hours, with no reason. None that he could think of anyways. I'm highly doubting anyone will read this. Not that I want you to. I really just need to write this down somewhere, and my notebooks aren't the safest place right now. <3 {Emiley}