omgosh i havent been on this thing in years! how is everyone!? hope everything is just grand love you all <3 emoLy

yay i have a myspace! yeah ok peace *emoLy

could this be out of line to say youre the only one breaking me down like this... ahh i love this band anywho... my parents are in las vegas all week aka i am home alone all week and it is going to suck yeah so im really bored and i dont feel like updating so peace *emoLy*

hey guys! so i am on these steroids because my eyes keep getting swollen shut it hurts so bad and so my doctor gave my steroids and they make me really hyper anywho...i have to pack for camp and i am going to be home by myself like all day which i guess is good i dont know but i really want to go shopping not because i need anything but because i feel like wasting my money for sure haha we leave for camp tomorrow! i am so excited! like this seriously be the best camp ever because i am so looking forward to it more than usual but it is in ohio (ohio is for lovers!) this year instead of missouri so i hope that it is as good and i will probably lose a lot of weight though because i hate camp food haha it always makes me feel way sick to my stomach oh last night was my brothers open house! i forgot to tell ya it was so fun though there were so many people here it was ridiculous i was like people leave and it was so hot yesterday i was like sweating so bad i know thats so sick haha ok well this entry is pointless but i am bored and i dont want to pack oh well peace *mrs. LazzaRa* oh yeah haste the day cd release party on june 28th im so excited...i think im going but im not sure!

hey so morgan chaffin is coming to camp and i am so excited im seriously going to fix everything that happened last year and make it better! tomorrow is my brothers open house and yeah i was supposed to help get everything ready but i havent done anything today except watch reruns of dawsons creek and buffy and eat and paint my toes haha now im getting ready to pack for camp but my week has totally sucked because i have not done anything i went to the mall and saw kevin and bj but i cant remember if i wrote about that and then i got hit on by this nasty guy that works at dicks i was like right ok and left i have made 70 bucks babysitting this week so thats awesome but i spent $30 because of gas and shopping oh well i still have like 40 of it plus a little more oh well im definitely looking forward to camp because it is the ONLY i mean ONLY thing that i am doing this summer doesnt that suck? i mean im stuck here in indy and its so freaking hot its like 90 degrees and its so humid my hair is like a big frizz ball but its funny haha because i struggle to get it straight because its so thick and then i just pull it back good times ok well i guess i will go this is the worlds most boring entry ever *emoLy* *oh sweet angel of mercy with your grace like the morning wrap your loving arms around hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger hey ungraceful i will teach to forgive one another hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger hey ungraceful i will teach to forgive one another hey unloving i will love you i will love you and jesus i'm ready to come home...* -underoath-

man this blows not only is it like 90 degrees outside and its way too hot to do anything but my best and bascially only friend was forced to go on a family vacation today! what am i gonna do this whole WEEK! this sucks so its like 11:30 and i havent done anything and im so bored with out lex oh man i am babysitting like 3 times this week too i have no life haha i swear i babysat last night but practically all of my money went to gas which sucks but oh well then my parents dont have to pay for it so its all good oh man i forgot how good underoath is i love their new cd its so great lets see today im not sure if i am going to be doing anything i really need to go workout and i forgot about andys open house yesterday so i think we might be hanging out today but i have no idea what we would do because i havent talked to him in forever and i havent hung out with him in a long time anyways...im gonna go love ya *emoLy* the conversation sparks what an easy way to break the ice...

ok so today i havent really done anything i got up really early then i cleaned the house and washed my sheets and did like a bunch of random chores and then michelle and mckenzie came over and ive been playing with big mac...shes only 5 months old oh she is soooo cute so then whitney came over at like 1:30 and we went to laurens open house but it was weird because we were like the only people there that werent her family yeah...but there was good food so after that we went to lexies house to hang out with her and tommy but tommy had already left so we all came to my house but then whitney had to leave and lex and i made the most disgusting cookies ever they are so dry urgh its nasty anywho so i was gonna dye lexies hair but then i fell asleep haha so she left then michelle ordered me breadsteaks haha i mean breadsticks and she and stephen had pizza and it was great fun but i had like 4 breadsticks and i am so full and i feel fat haha im like bloated haha oh well ok this is so pointless but my day had been like random and fun and yeah im out haha love ya *emoLy*

A - Age you got your first kiss: 15 B - Band listening to right now: taking back sunday C - Crush: hmm...adam lazzara but someone that is realy haha would be kyle... D- Dads name: Mark West E- Easiest person to talk to: lexinator F - Favorite bands at the moment: underoath, taking back sunday, hawthorne heights...etc G - Gummy worms or gummy bears: sour gummi worms H - Hometown: Indianapolis, IN I - Instruments: guitar...kind of haha J- Junior High: Craig Middle School K - Kids: of course just not too many L - Longest car ride ever: Quebec (Canada) it was like 22 hours! M - Mom's name: Ann West N - Nicknames: em, emmie, emo... O - One wish: this one is really hard...uh i guess that my life turns out good in the end...i dont know... P - Phobia: spiders and drowning Q - Quote: "everything happens for a reason" R - Reason to smile: life is going good right now...i like smiling too! haha S - Song you sang last: defying gravity from wicked oh its an amazing song! T - Time you woke up [today]: 8:27 U - Unknown fact about me: i always think that people dont like me and im really insecure about myself most of the time V - Vegetables you hate: cauliflower W - Worst habit(s): biting my nails and gossiping...yeah i talk about people too much way too much X - X-rays you've had: my pinky (it was slammed in a door) Y - Yummy food: pasta and anything that is a carb...i love carbs Z - Zodiac sign: sagitarius *Ten People You Talked To Today* 01) lex 02) mom 03) dad 04) jake 05) stephen 06) syd 07) diane 08) lady at walmart 09) guy at party city 10) waitress at uno *Nine Good Friends* 01) lexie! 02) alys 03) my mom 04) chyna 05) meg 06) amanda 07) andy 08) eric 09) lauren *Eight Things In Your Room* 01) my bed 02) my cd player 03) my pictures 04) my cds 05) my chair 06) all my clothes! 07) lots of shoes and purses 08) a chalkboard wall *Seven Things That Annoy You* 01) stuck up rich people 02) nails on a chalkboard 03) when i cant afford to buy the things that i want 04) when my dad wont buy me something...yeah im kind of spoiled when it comes to my dad haha 05) people who drive like idiots 06) when people lie ALL the time 07) when people cannot sing in the right key or are always very flat *Six Things You Touch Daily* 01) my face 02) my hair 03) my clothes 04) my keys 05) my purse 06) my cd player *Five Favortie Candies* 01) those soft peppermint things 02) junior mints 03) twizzlers (pull n peel only) 04) runts 05) m and m's *Four TV Shows You Watch* 01) ONE TREE HILL 02) OC...yeah i got addicted although it is really cheesy 03) friends 04) gilmore girls *Three Celebrities You Have a Crush on* 01) heath ledger 02) adam lazzara 03) brad pitt *Two Things You Can't Live Without* 01) my family 02) my cell phone *Name One Thing You Want More Than Anything* 01) i want to be that girl that everyone is drawn to and that everyone loves...

omgosh! i totally just bought the soundtrack to the broadway show wicked it is so good! ahh im so excited lexie and tommy were making fun of me though which sucked but i dont care wicked is like the coolest thing ever! then we all watched mean girls! i love that movie it is so fetch irregardless ahh haha lets see my day has been ok i havent really done anything i went shopping oh and i went out to breakfast with lexie and i looked like i had a hangover because my eyes were swollen and i kept my huge sunglasses on and i was like slouching it was so funny but i guess you had to be there oh well im gonna go listen to the most awesome broadway show ever WICKED! peace out *emoLy* oh wicked is what happens to the wicked witch of the west it is how she turns wicked...yeah

so lex told me to update so i am but nothing i mean NOTHING is going on right now school is out and i need a job b/c i have no money and my mom told me to get one lex practically has a boyfriend but they are totally cute together and i was just hanging out with them and they were so cute and here i was tagging along wishing that i had someone but realizing that i totally screw all of my relationships up and i always go after the wrong guy anywho...im sitting here now totally bored wishing that i could be with adam lazarra haha which wont ever happen but a girl can dream cant she? yeah she totally can! anywho im gonna try to put some pics of me on this thing wish me luck love ya *emoLy* do you like my picture? lex took it its like my favorite one!

i have never been so happy in my entire life for serious! like everything is falling into place and this school year is almost over and it has been amazing i would not change it for anything i was in love and it was amazing but it totally sucked i have an amazing best friend who has NEVER left me no matter what and i have another amazing friend who is becoming cool again i think she has come back down to my level haha and i dont think that i would ever change my life i know for a while there i hated life and everyone in it and i wanted to just be alone well screw that! life is too beautiful at times like i seriously know that God helped me through all this and that He is AMAZING and im sorry that i let him go and yeah ok...well life is amazing right now and i have to go do a world history project haha i love you all! *emoLy*

wow so i think im gonna stop this diary thing b/c it gets kinda old anyways...this weekend has official sucked i havent done anything at all and there is no one to hang out with i was just sitting in my room memorizing a bunch of julius caesar crap i cannot wait until school is over we only have 9 and half days left thank the Lord and finals are coming up too which sucks but oh well i gotta get out of my house though but i have no where to go im stuck here for real! like i have a car but i have no place to go how does that work? and all ive had to eat today is a package of peanut butter crackers and nill wafers yeah my parents are out of town and im too lazy to get anything for myself and i have no money oh well im out *emoLy*

yeah thats right i feel JAZZED haha whatever so it keeps raining and it stopped for like 2 days and im sick of it! today i am so busy i have to do a bunch of peoples make up for prom but im not going sadly oh well im only a sophmore so i have 2 more years left and i have a crap load of homework and i have to go to my grandparents house b/c my parents are out of town and i cant stay home by myself for one night b/c my little brother is going to a birthday party and my older brother is going to prom so yeah im not old enough to stay home by myself? whatever that kinda sucks no biggie though so nikki is getting ready to come over so we can go to alys house so i can do their makeup i love makeup its so much fun i spend so much time doing mine all weird and cool and yeah im such a dork but its so much fun b/c you can change it everyday and have like big black eyes or really sparkley ones oh wow ok im out ttyl love ya! *emoLy*

omgosh i had like the best day of my life so you know how i wrote that letter to my mom well she wrote me one back saying that she will always love me and that i am a great daughter and friend and stuff and she bought me a bunch of gerber daisies and they are bright pink (which matches my room) and yellow and bright orange and i was like i love my mom so much so that was like one of the sweetest things ever in chemistry today i was talking with the german kid lucas he moved here and he was totally making me crack up he is so hilarious and yeah i dont know he puts me in a such a good mood today i yelled at bj for never hanging out with me and he was like call me and we will and he was cracking me up b/c he looked like he was on something and he was like clapping his hands in my face and i was just like laughing histerically but now that i say that it doesnt sound as funny oh well i have a choir concert tonight and we are doing a bunch of songs from movies and we are doing wild wild west and i totally own that dance i love it and my last name is west so that rocks too so its like im singing wild wild me ok yeah thats was incredibly bad haha ok im outtie love ya peace *emoLy*

"i never should have let you go i never should have let you slip through my arms as the sun sets tonight i hold you with all that i have as the sunsets tonight i hold you with all that i have i never should have let you go promise me you'll stay with me forever..." sorry i love this song so much now im listening to goo goo dolls good stuff yes! im in such a good mood today like i dont know why but i had a blah day but im still so happy like all the time and its weird but i love it i love my life right now like i dont have huge problems and everything just seems to be fitting into place and its the most wonderful feeling ever and im totally beginning to change and get rid of all the bad crap that i did and wow ok i sound so retarded but i feel so...free like i feel like i totally just jumped off of a cliff and the wind is blowing through my hair and yeah i cant believe i said that im totally embarassed now haha PEACE *emoLy*

so i went to church this morning without my mom and it was a good service though like i love that church its so amazing ok so then i dropped lex off at her house and met my family for lunch then i just layed outside all day and did my homework and my dad put some thing on my car to help it run better then i went to lexies house and we went to 4 places until i could find the right slushie haha and then we walked through the mall and i said hey to this really hot guy at a kisoque haha he had his lip peirced and it looked way cute anywho so then lexie wanted to drive my car and we were close to church so we went to the parking lot then my car like broke down but i had to pee so we went in and then there was a service so we went to it and i finally had enough guts to talk to the music director about how screwed up my life is and he was so awesome he prayed with me and gave me excellent advice and he was gonna help me with my car if it wouldnt start but it started so it was all good but then lex told me that kyle was like watching me *GASP* i have such a huge crush on that kid i swear but im too scared to talk to him but im glad that i talked to aaron i feel ten times better now anywho im gonna go im tired and i dont feel well love ya *emoLy*

so i feel bad because mothers day is tomorrow and im not going to church with my mom but like every year for mothers day i always write her a note and this year it was like 3 pages about how sorry i am for everything and how greatful i am to have her and i was like sobbing when i was writing it because i have done so many stupid things these past few months and i just feel bad i hope that she gets the point that i was trying to make i love her so much guys! anywho...this weekend has been pretty good i spent the night at lexies house last night it was fun and then we like layed out all day in my backyard and it was so hot outside we were like sticking to our lawn chairs we were sweating so much it was so gross and then we were like aggravated by each other because we couldnt decide where to eat and then we ate at nothin but noodles and it was really gross and then my car kept stalling and i was in a bad mood so i took lexie home and came home and ive been sitting on my butt doing nothing and now im totally bored so yeah here i am sitting at my computer doing nothing on a saturday night at like 8:30 and i am so tired i think im gonna go to bed actually...haha peace *emoLy*

i feel zesty like an orange uh lexie said like italian dressing but i totally like orange better so lexies birthday isnt until monday but i gave her her gift today b/c i knew i wouldnt be able to keep my mouth shut about it haha ok so i just went shopping as usual and i got a lot of cute stuff i went shopping yesterday too i have new tube top white jeans long shorts and lexies gift of course! a purse and a bracelet its not really an emo purse haha oh wow anywho im gonna go b/c im trying to type and talk to lex at the same time and its way hard! haha im so retarded sometimes ok im outtie love ya! *emoLy*

"hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger hey ungraceful i will teach you to forgive one another hey unloving i will love you and jesus i'm ready to come home..." sorry i cant get this song out of my head it just totally amazes me life seems so surreal right now and i am changing everyday and definitely better i am actually more myself now and i feel amazing but at the same time i feel horrible because i keep thinking abut him and i know i shouldnt but its just been so hard to let go i mean my life is totally different without me spending every waking moment thinking about him dreaming about him kissing him or talking to him and i know i sound so stupid right now but life is just totally different and i keep feeling so weird about it but im so happy right now its like i pray everyday to change and be right and it gets better and worse sorry this entry was way deeper than i thought it was gonna be but i just have to know...why is it so hard to just let go...? *emoLy

"i'm not too sure that i want it to be this way open mouth closed eyes no words are escaping..." enough said... *emoLy*