Fear less, Hope more

Listening to: Django Reindhart
Feeling: drained
well well well, so much has changed since my last entry..new people..new loves..new ambitions. it's all well and good. i watched beetlejuice last night..that movies is so deliciously dark. i love tim burton, he's so creepy. i've been cleaning my house since like 11 this morning...it's 5:30 now..and i still can't go out because lack of driving skills unfortunately forces me to rely upon the parental units..whom of which are jackasses. so i'm stuck here until further notice..i guess i'll go listen to some more old school jazz.. i love django.
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so it's back to this...

Feeling: alive
wow...i havent been on this since january...so much has happened..so many relationships have ended and begun, so many people have come and gone..it's amazing what can happen in almost a year..you figure a year isnt a very long time but it changes lives. i'm single now..for the first time in almost a year. im holding up great though.. im even enthralled with a new fabulous girl who makes me weak in the knees just from a hug. *sigh* it feels great, a new crush, a new beginning, its so refreshing. the holidays are here and i thought it was going to be lonely, but we'll see about that. if there was a santa, of all the years i've been alive i think this year was the one where i might actually have deserved presents. i was proud of myself this year..i actually invested my time, and life into another person who i truly loved and recieved back exactly what i expected..absolutely nothing. the first time i've ever been daring enough to love someone more than myself. it's over now, but it wasn't my fault..people change..it's sad..but hey life goes on. And this new girl! oh my..she puts quite a smile on my face..and the best part is, she doesn't even know it.
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Ridin' on..

Listening to: Sweet Wine-Cream
Feeling: unworthy
I ain't to young to realise that i ain't to old to try.. And i ain't too old to hurry..cause i ain't too old to die. man people dont even use this thing anymore..oh well..i'll update anyway. i've felt so alone lately..i havent really talked to or hung out with any of my friends lately..they've all been livin their lives..which isn't bad of course..theres a very select few people im close to right now..but i guess thats fine. i cant even try to word out how i feel right now..a talented poet once said "and all my words come back to me in shades of mediocraty" that was a Mr. Art Garfunkel. good day ladies and gents.
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..and in my hour of darkness

Feeling: ambitious
well then..its been quite some time since i've updated this. well nothing really different has been going on in my life, i havent seen some good friends for awhile but other than that my life is going well, thanks to all the great people im friends with. schools the only thing i havent been likin too much lately..but im kinda used to it i guess. it's crazy i've been going to sleep earlier and earlier and im waking up more and more tired..i should just go to sleep every night at 9, that'll fix it. anyways i must feed los perros. good day.
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..With a streak of rin tin tin.

Feeling: disappointed
i already know today isn't going to be as great as yesterday. I woke up and i could just tell it was gonna be a bad day. oh well. Last night was fun, i went to snappers house and we hung out, listened to this comedian brian reagan. It was good. oh well im gonna go finish shit around the house. "..Your daddy works in porno, now that mommys not around. She used to love her heroine, but now shes underground. so you stay up late at night, and you do your coke for free..driving your friends crazy with your lifes insanity.."
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Listening to: Beautiful Day-U2
Feeling: unique
Today was THE worst day i've had in so long. too bad i got used to having good days..i knew the streak would have to end sooner or later..i just wasn't expecting today...today was the first day of school after break..and it was miserable..everything went wrong..the only upside is that i'm alive to see another day which i probably wont be happy about tomorrow..i can't wait til the weekend..i'm prolly just going to stay home but at least i wont be in school. that place is killing me. Everyday i'm finding it harder and harder to think of reasons my life is good..does anyone else have that problem? because its been a hefty problem of mine lately. i always end up with the same reason, and thats probably the only stable thing i have in my life right now. thank god. it's 11.06 p.m. and i still have homework..so im going to go do that i guess..and i probably wont sleep tonight.whats new?..well bitching never gets anyone anywhere.. goodnight.
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Why don't we do it in the road.

Listening to: pacific-ten quick
Feeling: outraged
today was a lovely day in the sense that it was the last day of finals, and we have a wonderful four day weekend. I had such a great time at snappers, and then kansas finally got there and it got even better. so i'll rate today "shindig". Better than a party but worse than a fiesta! well i hope tomorrow will be good, i get to see lots and lots of people. how exciting. time to go sleep and listen to music and feel gloriously orgasmic about not having school.
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mudslide ahoy

Listening to: Who are you-The Who
Feeling: nauseous
another day of me living in ojai. i couldn't go to school for the second day in a row because all the roads leading to ventura were closed. i guess im not complaining because i didn't want to go to school, i just think im shafted for finals. oh well, i've already given up on this semester..next semester will be way better. Today i did nothing more than sit around the house, go to breakfast, and listen to music. it was rather exhilirating, i can't wait for the weekend it's going to be great. Ryan and Allyson are coming to see me! that will be rather exciting. i havent talked to that old foothill couple in ages. "I took the tube back out of town, back to the rolling pin. Felt a little like a dyin clown with a streak of rin tin tin. I stretched back and i hiccuped and looked back on my busy day, eleven hours in the tin pan, god theres got to be another way."
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..Forget about the reasons, and the treasons we are seeking. Forget about the notion that your emotions can be kept at bay. Forget about being guilty, we are innocent instead. For soon we will all find our lives swept away..
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