i think my jaw was broken, which makes sense, because i can no longer speak clearly, or open my mouth wide enough to push out anything short of a mumble. it hasn't rained in awhile, since that big storm. they're still cleaning up trees. i think i miss it. convince me to feel or create explosions of inconceivable magnitude within my brain so that thoughts can appear. i think, but i most definitely don't. when i say i think i really only mean that thoughts enter and exit faster than bullets at midnight, or earlier/later depending on my perception of time at the moment. around the block, at the mac's store some bum needs 10 cents for a liver transplant. here's a smoke instead. forget your liver. you'll be lucky to be alive after the winter. i get the sense sometimes that i'm alone in the world. i can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but my bed feels emptier than usual, and my clothes aren't fitting so tight. i'd try to find somebody to fill my bed, and my belly, but i get the sense that that person isn't quite what i'd have in mind. there is a problem that i have with tiring of things very easily. there are only a handful of people that i have known for more than a few years, and the majority of people i've known for only months or days before i very nonchalantly disappear from their lives. i have been told that i am unforgettable, but why is it so easy for me to forget. most people. i never forget? more like remember, but before i have a chance to let people under my skin i remove myself and recede further to where i can be the person who no one can see, just to do it all again with someone else. my alarm is set to 5:58. i never set my alarm to whole numbers, like 6:00 or 5:45. when i wake up, i go back to sleep again. i know what is going to happen but every day i do it. dreams are always better than reality. if i could escape to my dreams, i would be where i want to be. but there is no escape, this is the world, this is who i am, and this is what i am doing with my life. if you can tell me something i don't know, try.