hey C.T. this is caeleigh bet your wondering how i got in here

Alright, I realize I haven't posted in a while, but I was just cruising the ole SitD and decided I'd drop a line. I'm kinda bummed... and a little bit sick... but, other than that I'm hanging in there. I've felt like puking since yesterday... all night, and all day today **ick** So, I suppose thats the latest as it stands. -- Show Me Some Love --

I just got home from physical therapy. My body is all sorts of fucked up... Not suprising or anything. I have to go twice a week to learn how to stretch my muscles and strengthen a few in my arms and shoulders that are really weak. I felt like a pussy cause i was doing this test to see how strong my support muscles for my shoulders were and i couldnt even hold my wait against this tiny little chick... oh well, at least it should help me get in better condition and maybe drop of a few of those zagnut bars i may have stored up over time... for later when im hungry ;) well, i think that about covers the basics... im gonna smoke and then take a nap, cause that sounds like a fun thing to do... P-EE-CH-E

It's been over 2 months since I posted on here. I just thought I'd stop in for the fun of it and say, "Wazzup?!?!"

i realized a lot of my entries have to do with getting high. i soud like a really big pot head. which, to much disbelief i'm sure, is not the case. but, what do i care, i suppose. i've been trying to get ahold of emily for the past hour since i got home from work and it's been busy... i don't know what's up with that. i think she is home alone right now, and i'm not sure if she's still in trouble. ** emily, if you read this, call me!!!** i have recently found myself questioning why i post on here, when i actually do... i normally just babble about senseless bull shit. but, i guess it lets people know whats up!

hmm... I'm bored, but not too bored. I kinda feel bad for never posting, but htem again, I've been too addicted to Diablo II to remmeber little details like those in my life. **edit** no, i don't feel bad. i feel like less of a bitch ;) **end edit** HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Laughing makes you see better... trust me!! ** Just to clarify, I don't really eat my own to poop **

high as fuck ... I'm not gonna wanna get up in the morning fo sho...

Well, it's been like a week since I last posted. I figured I'd drop a line. Things have been steady, but busy, obviously. I've been seriously jonesin' to record some shit. I wanna get my drums over to Dustin's house and lay down some tracks. It'd be the BOMB DIGGITY!!!

Well, last night I had fun... and now I'm at school, which is not very fun. But, I'm in a really strangely retarded mood. And... that's ok... it's... ok. I tell myself, sometimes, it really is ok to be a little different. And.. sometimes, I eat my own poop. But, not all the time. Only when I'm really really really really really hungry... Right now I AM! I could really go for some SMUFF and HASHBROWNS... It'd be great... MMMMMM!! Don't worry guys... someday you'll have smuff to call your own... Peace Out

Well, I had A LOT of fun last night, and well into this morning. I went over my ex-bosses house and got a little bit loopy, if you know what I mean ;) It was all well worth it. I kinda felt bad cause I wanted Emily to get to have some fun at Alma this weekend... the good kind of fun! I hope they find a party or something to keep them busy. I just got back from work... kinda beat, but in a good mood! Well, we finally finished Dustin's car... kinda. The paint looks like shit for the time being because we have to wait to wet-sand it and rub it out to get it nice and flat and shiny. It should be pretty schweet... it was a stressful yet fun project... I can't wait to do it again... only next time hopefully with some better equipment.

Wow, I am bored as fuck. And not the board kind of board, but the bored kind of bored... the kind of really boring one. It sucks having absolutely nothing to do on a Friday night. Oh well, poop.... Enjoy... "MX" you're so sweet your smile, your pussy and your bones you're on fire you move like music with your style let me think let you think about what about girls and what else and money and new clothes and what do i get thirty nites uh hu of violence yeah and sugar to love closer to the lung shove her over railing you're sweet but im tired of proving this love see you're a bore but you move me like a movie that you love let me think let you think about what about girls and what eles and money and new clothes and what do i get thirty nites uh hu of violence yea and sugar to love closer to the lung shove her over railing let me think l et you think about what about girls and what eles and money and new clothes and what do i get thirty nites uh hu of violence yea and sugar to love fucking rock star closer to the lung closer to the lung shove her over railing

Well, I finally did it. I faced my fears of abondonment and rejection and told my woman how it was. And so it has become that in doing that, I have unravelled a mistery miles long. A mistery of such will take time to look over, but in that time I will have made a friend, a companion, and a partner... all of which may be the same thing... but multiple conditions sound better in a relationship. Not to mock the fact, but I am too "high on life" (god, I'm lame) to care!

"Lhabia" Somewhere outside there are tricks and evil Holler downstairs while I drive I want to watch you buttercup Comming through the fog Dying of bordem, I'll try it all Sixteen olive Skin bound by a voice I dont want to go But I want it well At least you fucking care Dying of bordem, I'll try it all I'll be faint like a crook It looks and feels great But look at what it's doing to you But thats ok, look how it feels

OH YEAH... I WANNA SMOKE SOME HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!! Right now would be nice. So much for my paycheck last friday. I have 8 bucks and a whole bunch of pennies. I have to put all of that in G-Ride's gas tank. POOP! Damn V-8's I wish I had a 4-Banger :(> To Lose You Is To Never LOVE Again... Burn, baby burn Strung out on a wire Heart in a cage You're so full of desire You need, fast hands To deal with all the liars So don't burn baby burn baby burn

With so many fucking issues in our lives, we blame them on the voice and words of all... all of us that were there. Well, I just read Emily's journal. I feel really fucking selfish and ignorant. I think that the time I spent crying on her shoulder last night would have been better off spent letting her cry on mine. I wonder if the reason why i have no friends is because everyone is ulimately tired of hearing me bitch. Hmm... probably. It's really ironic that she stayed home today. I did to... for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. I just woke, feeling that something was extremely out of place, and started working. Just doing random shit. I cleaned my room, did all of my laundry (finally), did my math homework, put my drum kit back together, did the dishes, masturbated (not really;)), and that's about it... oh yeah, and worked on Dustin's car. So, back to Emily. I think I'm in love her. I seriously do. But, as I said before. I'm afraid... Of everything having to do with saying "I Love You." I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to be rejected, although I really doubt that rejection has any smidgen of possibility. Hit me clown because I'm not from your town, now hit me clown. I just want to hug her so badly right now. I've never EVER felt the same way with ANYBODY else as I feel with HER. And, to read that journal justs tears me up inside. With Caeleigh, she never told me how she felt, nor did I really have any way of finding out other than her friends. and, THAT RELATIONSHIP KILLED ME!!! Wait, what relationship, nah, we never had one. HA!! THAT'S IT!!! FUCK YEAH!!! I never realized that before, but now I finally do! There is a difference between saying you love somebody and really being in love with them. I mean, I've known that, but now I truely realize it. THIS IS LOVE!!! God, what a great fucking feeling... Tomorrow is a new fucking day. Hopefully we can hang out... Ok, I've got to say. The fact that she never really mentioned me in her diary is pretty perplexing to me, honestly. It kind of bothers me. I'm such an attention whore, I know. But, I suppose sometimes I wonder if the feeling is mutual. I HAVE to ask her about this, I can't keep it inside.

Wow... My life is hardcore sucking right now. I know I'm starting to sound like one of the Goth kids from South Park, but, I'm seriously going nuts here. I was supposed to go over Emily's house and hang out for a couple hours until my mom got off of work, and then all of a sudden her mom just pops up out of nowhere and tells me to find a ride home and high-jacks my woman!! I was hella-pissed!! She said she really needed to talk to her. God, I hope she isn't in trouble, or even worse, my reputation is ruined because of some stupid bitch's mom. Why can't things just work out for me? I'm really tired of getting stepped on, over, and over, and over again. And even worse by the people that I care about. I think it's time things really start to change around here. But, everytime I say that something goes right to make me think that that is actually happening. And then, it all turns to shit. FUCK!!!! I want to get away from it all so badly that I can taste it. I just want to take her and run away from my issues; in that doing the thing that every one has told me not to, simply because what I've been advised has yet to work out. It feels a little odd that I feel that way about her, but I can't help it. She has always been there for me... a real friend... for what three years now. And now, we have connected on an emotional and physical level... It shows all the familiar symptoms of love, but I am so scared to admit it. I just don't want to lose another person that I love, I can't go through that again.

Your squall you don't care what anyone does andyour just like whatever Which Final Fantasy Character representes you? brought to you by Quizilla

I can't wait to get home and put my kit back together. I've been so jittery all day, I really can not stay still for more than 2 seconds. I hate having Emily gone to Kirtland. I wish i was still going out there. CGI was really fun and it kicked ass. I think I'm gonna check and see if I can go over her house tonight and wait for my mom to get back from work. I was going to stay and work out, but I forgot clothes and nobody else is going to be up there.

Just got in from hanging out with Emily. We had a really awesome time. Our chemistry is completely through the roof. I think she will be the one that picks me up! Tomorrow is going to be a really good day. I suppose the more I tell myself that, the more likely it is to come true. Although, I can't see it any other way after tonight. I feel like a newborn, again discovering the world for the first time. Maybe I'll get it right this time.

I Hope This Works...