With so many fucking issues in our lives, we blame them on the voice and words of all... all of us that were there. Well, I just read Emily's journal. I feel really fucking selfish and ignorant. I think that the time I spent crying on her shoulder last night would have been better off spent letting her cry on mine. I wonder if the reason why i have no friends is because everyone is ulimately tired of hearing me bitch. Hmm... probably. It's really ironic that she stayed home today. I did to... for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. I just woke, feeling that something was extremely out of place, and started working. Just doing random shit. I cleaned my room, did all of my laundry (finally), did my math homework, put my drum kit back together, did the dishes, masturbated (not really;)), and that's about it... oh yeah, and worked on Dustin's car. So, back to Emily. I think I'm in love her. I seriously do. But, as I said before. I'm afraid... Of everything having to do with saying "I Love You." I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to be rejected, although I really doubt that rejection has any smidgen of possibility. Hit me clown because I'm not from your town, now hit me clown. I just want to hug her so badly right now. I've never EVER felt the same way with ANYBODY else as I feel with HER. And, to read that journal justs tears me up inside. With Caeleigh, she never told me how she felt, nor did I really have any way of finding out other than her friends. and, THAT RELATIONSHIP KILLED ME!!! Wait, what relationship, nah, we never had one. HA!! THAT'S IT!!! FUCK YEAH!!! I never realized that before, but now I finally do! There is a difference between saying you love somebody and really being in love with them. I mean, I've known that, but now I truely realize it. THIS IS LOVE!!! God, what a great fucking feeling... Tomorrow is a new fucking day. Hopefully we can hang out... Ok, I've got to say. The fact that she never really mentioned me in her diary is pretty perplexing to me, honestly. It kind of bothers me. I'm such an attention whore, I know. But, I suppose sometimes I wonder if the feeling is mutual. I HAVE to ask her about this, I can't keep it inside.