well right now im so excited becasue im turning 15 in just 9 days. yay!!!! and christmas is coming up too and i get to have a party with all of my friends. yay!!!! cant wait. well i havent benn writing in this in a while but ill kepp u guys updated. g2g!!!!

Korn - Everything I've Known Provided by VideoCodes4U.com Korn - Everything I've Known Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

just wanted to say hey to everyone. comment plzzz

Lies Lies hurt more than the truth why do I live in self pity and expect disappointment more then optimism or does enjoyment lead me to new worlds which I can not live on the air is getting thin and I want to stay for some time too bad I can not live in my dreams for then utopia would be reached wouldn't it doesnt it hurt wen ur friends lie to you??? well i had this happen to me and it didnt feel to good. they new it would get me mad but they did it ne ways. but oh well they pissed me off and thats it. im done wit tham. i gave them a second and third chance but they ruined them . i guess they dont care about me like they said that they did. but its not my lose its their because im better than them. oh well. true friends are not supposed to lie to you no matter wat. everyones nos that but they didnt. they thought that i wouldnt care if they lied to me but i do. i thought that they were me friends but i guess not.

well today isn't going well at all. i have decided to make my new sn XxmiserablemistakexX. becuase thats how i feel inside. most ppl think that is doesnt bother me wen they call me a bitch or call me names. i no that my friends r joking wen they do it to me but it still hurts. they dont realize that im crying inside. no one nos tht i am. everyone thinks that its funny to call me stupid and shit like that but its not it hurts a lot. right now im pissed because my parents think that im not good enough. they say that i can be better but they always say that im stupid and that i wont be able to do w/e i want to do. they want me to go to college and be just like my sister but im not going to be like her. m and her are two different ppl ad they dont realize it. even my sister wants me to be like her. its annoying wen ppl want u to be like someone eles. it makes me feel like im not good enough for this family. my parents have no clue how i feel but sooner or later they are going to find out. its gay. i just want somone to love me and let me be me. i hope i find that someone because im breaking inside. i want someone who will love me for who i am and not care wat i do in life. i want someone there who will support me in w/e i do in life. theres a lot more i want to say but idk how to. so heres a poem that i wrote: Trapped by: becky I'm trapped in a dark box The lid is locked tight I can seem to get out No matter how hard i fight They stand over me Watching and laughing But never knowing How much I'm hurting They think it's funny To fuck with my head They find it fun To make me wish I was dead They are supposed to love Family they are called But they fail to see That this is just me They say I'm a freak And going nowhere in life But what they dont know Is I'm contemplating the knife Maybe someday they'll know I could help them see They can't control my life This is just me.

well in 28 days im turning 15 and im so fuckin excited. i cant wait. its going to be the best day ever!!! im going to have a party and everythihg but idl wen or where. im birthday is on a friday so itll proably be that day ill have the party but idk. but the thing that sucks is that my parents arent going to be home that night so i have to make plans with my friends. not saying that i dont want to hang out with my friends but my parents r going to be gone for my birthday and here to say happy birthday to me in the morning. well i have to go and dont forget to show me some love on my birthday on the 30th ok. bye!!!!!ttugl

well today me and my dad had a bonding day. and we went to a lot of stores to buy some gifts. well this one stores called mikes i forgot th elast part but ne ways there were a lot of harely davison bikes in there. and there were leather jackets and there were 2 that i wanted well the one that i fell in love with was $370 and the other one was $150. well i asked my dad if he can get that for me for my birthday or christmas and he said no. he said that it was too expensive, and too punkish for me to wear it. i was pissed because i really wanted it and i would have only wanted that for either my birthday or for christmas but no he didnt want to buy it. it was the shit. omg i loved those jackets. today in hot topic i wanted a like 3 shirts and he didnt want to buy that for me either. it was gay. but wen i get money im going to get it for myself. i also bought black eyeliner with glitter. that it fuckin awsome. i love it. well that was my day and now i have to go and clean my room. so ttugl. bye!!!

well tomorrow i have a half day and its wonderful. yay!!!! then i have thursday and friday off too. today was a long ass day though. i couldnt stand it. me and my friend matt talked last night and now we rnt fighting ne more. he said that he was only testing me. well if u dont no wat the fight was about ill tell u. it was about him kissing another girl. i was so pissed and i still should be but i cant stay mad at him. he said that he only wanted to no how much shit i could take. so now we r talking again. but the bad thing is that we always fight over the littlest things. also me and him have the same exact attitude so that doesnt make it ne better. ok well i have to go now bye!!!!! ttugl

well last night me and my friend matt got into a fight. he told me that he kissed a girl and i told him that i had a little tiny crush on someone. but the thing is that he kissed a girl i only have a crush. it pissed me off. and i was going to ask matt out i was already to and everything but he doesnt no that and im not going to tell him. so yea me and him are fighting right now. and we agreed not to talk for like 2 weeks or so. so we get over it but im not going to getover it. he broke my heart. and i think thats the first time i ever cried that much over a guy. but this time he went too far and i dont think im gong to forgive him. i really dont want to forgive him. he didnt even think about how much it would hurt me. that pissed me off the most!!! i cant believe it. i loved him and he told me that he loved me but he kissed another girl so obvisly i didnt love me. he just wanted somthing that he can never have. well thats all for now. ttugl. bye!!! Until You, Without You Always feeling alone, until you I didn't love myself, until you I didn't care about life, until you I never held a friend's hand, until you I never told a friend that I loved her, until you No one had ever held me for no reason, until you No one had ever truly known me, until you Lying in the darkness, without you I don't know who I am, without you I don't know what to do with myself, without you How did I ever get by, without you How did I ever find comfort, without you Would I have ever seen my true self, without you Would I have ever known true friendship, without you thats for matt if hes reading this because he really hurt me really bad.

well im very lovealbe right now. lol. i have a friend that likes me and i have a little crush on him too. well hes funny and shit like that. lol. but yea im bored and lonely lol. my friend amanda left me yesturday. she moved to PA. i miss her a lot. but its not her fault she had to go. but ne ways yea i miss her. but yea i have to go now. keep in touch everyone. bye!!!

well right now im talking to friends on the computer like always.lol. well im bored. today like always was gay and dumb because school. lol. well i have no clus wat to say so im going to go now. bye!!!! here are some sayings that are funny: poke me i dare u dont fuck with me dont make me dickslap u lifes too short break some rules open yours ears jackass slap him and call him a whore im a loser but u no u love me i own ur ass girls just want to have fun i am a party chick!!!!! thats me alright.

i have no school tomorrow!!!!!!!!! yea im relly hyper right now and i cant help it. lol. well i have to go now. bye!!!!!

hey well as none of u no but my uncle died monday morning. and im so sad right now and his awake is thursday. so if ur going to bug me tomorrow i sugest not to. im not in the mood. i hate talking about this so ill just put a poem that represents wat i want to say: Pain Of The Night Watch as this tear falls into empty space See it fall into life's nameless place Can you see the sparkle as it catches the light That sparkle once was happiness that is no longer in sight As it falls watch it, its color has changed From blue to bright red, it has a wide range There it goes all alone, it continues to fall With it, it takes the emotion, the emotion of all Wait, can you hear it? A sob has broke free Has shook the lungs cold, but yet it continues to be Here it comes, a force has been built between the eye A wall of shear water, it's now time to cry A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul The darkness of the night has taken its toll

hey everyone. im so fuckin bored right now and theres nothing to do at my house. tomorrow i have school and i dont want to go but i have to because i have tuseday and friday off. yes!!!! but i still dont feel like going to school tomorrow. lol. i started to clean my room but then my mom was talking to me and i started to watch a movie. and now i still dont feel like cleaning but i have to. i hate cleaning!!!! well im going to go and clean now. eventhough i dont want to but i have to. so ttugl bye!!!

Change Can you solve for me a mystery Of why things have to change Why is life so complicated Why can't things stay the same I understand that people grow And often grow apart But why did it have to be you When I had given you my heart I held inside my feelings Never told you how I feel But I need to tell you somehow That I know this could be real You have a special something I just can't figure out But I know that it could work That's what love's about I'll keep inside my feelings I just can't let you know Because of what will happen You'll change and then you'll go

well im in school right now and its stupid. lol. i feel lost but idk y. im not in a good mood really. amanda, my friend isnt here today and immad about that but thats ok. last night i didnt get a chance to talk to matt, my friend. i was lost without him lost night. i missed him like crazy. but yea im going to have to go now because my teacher is gay. lol. and shes yelling at me so bye!!!

well how the hell r u? im fine. but im bored as hell. im really bored but im really hyper. lol. idk how that can happen but its happening. i was so pissed at my friend today she wouldnt leave me the fuck alone. is u like my backgorund comment me. lol. if it hurts ur eyes then tell me other than that i wont no weather to change it again or not. so tell me. i like it. it has my favorite colors in it. well im in love now!! ull never guess who.lol. if u no me then ull no but if u dont no me then u wont. but yea im bored. and my friend amanda is leaving me shes movine back to PA and i dont want her too but she is. she leaving me!!! and all wat she had to say was haha. ur stuck with loosers. lol. but yea me and her r good friends now. shes so funny. u guys have to meet her but u cant. lol. but yea now im going to go because i want to. bye!!!

heres some poems!!! lonely life My life is just a single star, All alone in the pitch black sky, Through life I travel, not getting very far, I think it's time for me to die. I argue with my "dad", I argue with my mom, He lies about what I said, She blows up like a bomb. I'm tired of all the crap in my life, I want to break loose, Shall I use this sharp knife? Or rather use a noose? I disregard the knife, I just want to end my life. I disregard the noose, All I want is to break loose. I continue to search by moon and sun, Until finally, I find a gun. I check the rounds, It's as full as it can be, My heart begins to pound, My life in front of my eyes, is all I see. I put the gun to my head, Say a quick prayer to calm me down, I wish my family well after I'm dead, Make them feel guilty for treating me like a clown. Here it comes, The trigger I pull, Rid my life of all those chums, My life, my body, is no longer full. A lonely life, now free as a dove, Now I no longer have to worry about... "love." ANGER Feelings of fury, Rumbles of rage, Burning deep inside, Trying to find a way to escape. You punch your pillow, But that doesn't help. So you just sit there and cry, Wishing things could be different, But knowing they never will be. You feel like your life is worse than anyones. You curse and scream, Saying things you might not mean. You hurt peoples feelings, But you don't even care. It's all out of anger. Wishing you could be anywhere but here. Wanting to run away. But you're still stuck, In this place you call, A living hell and u better no wat the hell they mean. i worte them by the way. i g2g. bye!!!

well last night me and matt were talking and i realized that im in love with him. whenever he would tell me that he loved me or something like that i would blush and be like awww. lol. it was so sweet. but yea last night tonya my sister came home and it wasnt a good thing. today we gopt into a fight already. lol. but oh well. she was being abitch so i put her in her place. lol. that was the first time i ever did that to her before. lol. well i have to go and do h/w so ill ttugl. bye!!!!

hey everyone. today was the most boring day and longest day i have ever had. today i just got this cool picture for korn its my background. i love it. my friend amanda helped me get it. but yea soccer is over and im mad abaout that because now i have to be bored all the time at home half of the week. but some days ill be going to help out wth the little kids. i found out that the kid that i like went to my old school in 1st or 2nd grade. i dont even remeber that far back.lol. i like him so much!!!! hes hott. omg u have to see him. lol. i need a boyfriend now because i havent had one since 8th grade in the end of 8th. like 1 month before i graduated. thats sad to me.lol. but oh well. me and my friend melissa might be hanging out for halloween. it all depends on if we can and if its not cold out. if its cold out we rnt going to go trick or treating. lol. thatll suck if it is cold out. but yea halloween is going to be the best ever!!!!1 i cant wait. lol. but i have to go now ttugl. bye!!!!