I've been feeling really down and close to tears since yesterday morning when I woke up after a horrible dream (one horrible dream too many recently) and everything seemed to be going wrong. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to think that it was just angst but I seem to be getting worse the older I get not better. The only thing that gets better is that I know how to cope with my emotions better. I got so down a few weeks ago I even considered talking to the doctor about it; but I decided I didn't need to because I was feeling so much happier. I wonder whether I've been undervaluing or overvaluing my feelings. It's so hard to tell. I don't want to make something out of nothing. I always think I am and it just makes me feel worse when I get into my stupid moods. I make myself feel worse by punishing myself. But I don't want to convince myself that I am somehow allowed to waste my life because it is beyond my contol to moderate my feelings when really I am just being a twat. But I can't tell. Anyway, in the past few minutes I have cheered up slightly by thinking of other things. I've seemed to reach a new level of acceptance with my body, and although this too goes up and down I'm glad I've got to this point. I watched a thing the other day called "Obsessed with Boob Jobs" and it made me convinced that I don't want to do that to my body. So I have to start to love or at least accept what little I have in that area. I shouldn't be disheartened because I can see that until you get below my waist I am pretty thin at the moment and what I have seems to be in proportion. And even though they're very small they are not too bad a shape really. And at least they won't go as saggy as big ones when I get older. When I get fixated on my boobs and how much I hate them it takes the whole issue out of all proportion; needless to say it takes the whole issue of how attractive I am out of proportion to how important it is in actual fact. So... yes... anyway, as I said the other day I want to tone up my legs and my bum and then I will feel very lithe and sexy I hope. End of topic. On Thursday I'm going to the gig in Manchester, Friday I will be coming home and going to Burnley at night, Saturday nothing, Sunday Jak is arriving and then... I dunno. Hoping to have some people over at some point while my mum and dad are away. I think that'll be fun. I just have to try to avoid getting down again. Every little thing sets me off and it sets me on edge to have it at the back of my mind all the time.