New year, been a over a year since I have logged on into this and wow, I'm back. All by accident, I completely forgot. I am honestly NOT the same lady I was before. I have gotten bitter and lost how gullible I used to be. I learned who my TRUE friends were and in the process figured many so called "friends" were stabbing me in the back. One must ALWAYS be careful what you say on the Net, someone's going to read it. I lost the one woman I have ever loved last year and I miss her terribly. I dream of her and I wake up thinking she's cooking breakfast or going to pop into my room to kiss me good-bye before she heads off for work. I found out that I can truly like someone so much I can't find any other kind of happiness with someone else. It's just not the same. Every other guy seemed like an ephermeral pleasure rather than what I feel for this other man. He makes me happy and I love being with him. Clearly no one else can know because you just haven't SEEN. And that's your loss... ...I have changed for both better and worse. I am called "Every parent's WORST nightmare" in my circle of friends because of this shit I have done. Clearly, it's not over for me. I know that in these next months, I'm once again going to change drastically. But it's life. The only thing permanent in life is change.

All I want to do is cry, but I find it hard to do that. Not even closest friends can make me feel as if they'll support me all the way. I've gotten great support from two unlikey people, they want me to go to there place one day and they want to listen to what i have to say, for once, I'm the one doing the talking and not the listening, and also, for once, no more interruptions of complaining for the little things. You, there are bigger things to worry about than those stupid little things, like what he said and how great his ass looks in those jeans. Maybe for once, I can show emotion, something I lost around mid-Sophomore year. I never get to talk, I was always pushed into listening to your rants. It never matters to me if you missed your favorite show! I'm in the middle of a confusing time. A very depressed time, the one woman that i will always love is at a certain point that she will be gone forever, my own Ma. All you do is ignore me and wait for my to shut-up, so you can talk some more. :/ what's so great about you? You've changed.... ....and I'm going to do the same. Good-bye. and thank you G&J. Love you both very much :) [+crit+]

As i walked, with no destination. Just admiring everything thats not important. I noticed you, and you did the same. my shoulder bumped into your bicep. were we too lazy to move? I turn, you turn. i seem to take the lead. I stumbled and fell. Into the darkness, the depths of the grounds. All turns red. Orange. Yellow. All the warm colors. Scraves with blue, violet, green. Everything is bold. Everyone is dancing. Spinning, twirling. Living. I see you, and so do you. I get surrounded with a deep purple sheet. Before i get to you. It's getter darker and darker... Who knows where ill end up next.... Ill wait for you, next to this column of stone. Its half the size of the others. i can only wait for so long. Dont make me wait.

im finding victorian stuff for my project in this class yupyup and yesterday, one found out about that one thing that this one person has this thing and now its like no longer a secret and so then now this person keeps giving this one person nasty looks and i feel bad about it, eventhough this has nothing to do with me. except that i know then all. and its sad, because this year can never be anything like last year its just boring me and giving me the worst migraines. i miss last year, its so far from me now. but anyways, this year has a feeling, an unfamiliar feeling...and i hate it! +crit+

i am angry, sad, happy, in love, curious, questionable, unsure, blank, and everything else. shake me up and drink me. angry: i dont know why. i just am. this comes and goes. sad: i miss him. happy: just the thought of him makes me like this. in love:and like this too. curious: i wonder tooo much. questionable: i can never stop. dont stop asking questions, you'll find your answers. some how. be patient. unsure: what am i going to do with my life? blank: i dont know what to say. everything else: i get lazy to put everthing down.

Today was fun. A good way to end this school night. i LOVE hanging with ya Ste! Nice Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha (I was thinking of getting hot chocolate since you mentioned it...i want the real thing though, if you know what i mean!) and a really awesome talk. I always wonder why we dont talk the way we talk at school anymore. hmm. But it's cool, i mean i can say "*******" instead of "Hot Chocolate". But yeah, I would suck if he appeared out of the bushes, if anyone did, actually. Oh but the codes RAWK! Hot Chocolate. Cheeto-Boy. W.B.G. Hot College Guy. The Narssicist. You-Know-Who. Bubble Butt...+pop+ I always thought that it was flat, i guess i was wrong. But that Cheeto-boy...you can see that ass from far away... i'm sure you agree with me, but my nonvirgin eyes noticed since last year, since...yeah. i obviously cant say, i'll give too much info away. so yeah, i just took some of that awesome drug, and it's starting to make me drowsy...yes...no insommia tonight! Look at my HOLE What SHE Said! +crit+

i feel pressured, i always have to do the cleaning around here, why? cause im the girl. and im always home, i wish i wasnt, really...i just want to hang out with my close friends and thier friends and their friends friends...thatll be cool, ill bring the food. but yeah, im clueless of this whole sitdiary thing, but i signed up my dear ste. why? i was bored..and i said i would. :) +crit+