wow this hasnt been written in in a long time people are being mean to me as usual this is nothing new i threw up yesterday and i still feel sick i just watched gossip girls it gave me insight into my life and how i hate people in this area sometimes i wish i lived in an area where we all had nothing and people would appreciate everything so much more

so this is my problem my bf has always been attracted to other people and he just doesnt keep that to himself o no! he actually tells me and its not as if they are imaginary you never have a chance with them women because they are fake movie star people but they are actually real people that i know and those fake movie stars and not only does this make me feel like the ugliest piece of crap in the world it makes me wonder as to why he just doesnt find another girl that lets say is better looking than me like today he was saying in class how he thinks jessica alba is soooo hott blah blah but o wait what about all the other girls that he thinks are hott and that are also skinny and weight 20 pounds less than me i mean sure if he wants a 90 pound gf i can go do some cocaine and starve myself and smoke a ton of cigarettes...but sorry thats just not me and ok ive been in a relationship for almost two years now and so ya thats a long time and i guess its ok to be attracted to someone else once and a while but NO this happens allll the time with him and let me just say within those past two years i have not been attracted to anyone else thank you very much sorry for loving my bf so much that i dont check out other guys and that i dont care thats hes not perfect and doesnt look like the people in the movies my bad men are pigs and i totally agree with kamis quote she put in her entry

so ive decided this diary needs a revamp so im giving it one im also going to start writing in it too watch out

so the backstreet boys have a new song out i just hear it actually on the radio personally i was never a fan...but nsync on the other hand i def digged their music i think its time that they should make a comeback and not backstreet boys because bsb just was never cool sorry to all you lovers out there i made a smoothie today i think its one of the best smoothies ive ever made in my life i want to be in a movie or a tv show i think that would be fun it just seems that way i need to get tanner im almost becoming white its scary lol the sun is def my friend im sick of looking at all the girls at my school they make me laugh just looking at them and what they are wearing and all that stuff its rediculous if only their mom would tell them they look ugly that would solve everyones problems but yeah

i hate my family i hate my life i hate how everything is

ok im back from church camp um i survived it was a crazy week glad to be back ok bye

so yeah not much has been happening lately basically a whole bunch of nothing im making cookies right now if that counts for anything i have soccer tomorrow and work and then i get to get up at five on sunday morning and thats when i leave and go to church camp for a week then when i get back i get to go to a wedding two hours later then i get to get up early the next morning so i can play in a tournament my teams in i really cant wait i think im going to die in the process of all this bucky called last night from new york it made me happy hearing his voice i miss him and i cant wait till i can see him when we both get back ummmmmmm theres not really much to say but yeah i miss andrew i wish he didnt have to go and i even miss scott but i didnt really get to see him much and i hope they both will come back out here soon!!!!

went to irvine pants shopping stupid asb kids once again proved our point hit on again by a boy in tillys (stupid boys!) we played yatzee (alison wins justin loses ha) got a cool watch from her mom found a house!!! went on holbrook street phone magically died ate asian food phone magically comes back to life painted justins nails (pink and black with polka dots) danielle left :( watched sweet home alabama gel got her braces off!!!!! yeah for her

(Don't go) You said you wouldn't, You said you wouldn't i said my last goodbye it hurts real bad i will forever remember you

i wish it was winter i thrive for that cold weather where you buddle up and wear pants everyday and you dont have to care what you look like cause itll probably rain anyways when i watch tv the people are wearing long sleeves and im jealous i just wish it would rain or be cold for just one that would make me happy i also love that amazing feeling when you go outside and its all cold and stuff and you can see your breath and you just go for a walk and its the nicest feeling last night it was really nice weather it was kind of cooler than it has been and i could just lay outside forever but i didnt i had to go to sleep i just wish it was cold or winter which ever

why would someone go through all that trouble and not even mean it i just dont get it

i take it back

i wish i could understand people and why they do certain things and i would also like for people to understand me ive never met one person that could do that and it kind of makes me think am i difficult or something what makes people not understand me and what causes people to change and this is not necessarily for the good what makes a person change for the bad and why would they want to be something they arent sometimes i just think about people and how they used to be and how mine and their life was totally different and then i think about why would we want to change when we had everything going good for us it just doesnt connect together but whatever i like to think i change for the good i know i get caught up sometimes trying to fit in but its not on purpose its not as if i try to be something that im not everyday in my life cause people that do that well i dont know what they are thinking why dont they just be themselves but maybe they just dont realize how awesome they could be and so thats why they try to be like someone else i dunno the world makes me wonder why i just dont get people and i know they sure dont get me "Whats done can't be undone"-Macbeth

uuggghhh hot damn that boy makes me freaking happy

i really like this song You came and cuddled next to me, baby yeah yeah yeah Our noses brushed so close I wished it was our souls Drifting off to sleep I could hear the little snores you made watching eyes shut tight Like doors to something sweeter where you rest Tear me off a piece of blanket keep me warm and we can make it Here's my heart, I'll let you break it Touched your skin and I can't take it Light will creep in soon And I still haven't slept a wink, baby yeah yeah yeah I wish the sun would hide its head So I could watch you dream some more Wished the sun would hide its head So I could watch you dream some more

last night was terribly difficult i had to choose between degrassi and road rules it was horrible so i watched kind of a little bit of both those are great shows

I am a girl I laugh I try not to cry but i do Im happy when everyone else is happy I love talking on the phone I have a sister Being with my friends makes me happy Pepsi is good I like to fix peoples problems Im weird Im confusing Pink is my favorite color I try not to care about what people think I have strong opinions I like the beach but not the sand and waves I listen to music alot Hardcore isnt that wonderful I like meeting new people I like having friends I dont lie i swear I cant stand to be talked about I never know what i want I love to sleep Soccer makes me happy only if im in the mood to play it I want to go to Italy I want to be loved I want to love someone I want to spend my life with someone special People may be pretty on the outside but they sure are ugly on the inside I want to live in the country I want a penguin I dont do well with change I like the cold weather I hate fake people I hate how people are constantly changing I want the best for everyone and everything People are self absorbed I like to talk I want to be a talkshow host I want a pair of those fancy shoes even if i never wear them I hate my hair and how its dyed I dont want to be fake My ears are pierced I like to cuddle I love to sing even though im horrible at it I wear glasses .....this is me

just the two of us we can make it if we try, just the two of us, you and i (better with the macarena, right rach?) me and rach = bf

ok so today was fun tiring boring at times yeah along that sort ok so yeah i went to la today omg! there were sooooo many mexicans i swear im not racist but honestly they were attacking me and wtf who wants to buy some of that stuff i was like wow and those asian shoes they can all die they have platforms now WOW! asb central watchout i got some cool stuff there i was like wow what a deal ok get home home and go to souplantation with jimmy gel and andrew omg i almost forgot we went to this place in la by like where the people have their hands in the ground and their names and stuff but yeah it was sooooo good it was this japanese place it was great i ate with chopsticks and everything and i also think i was on asian tv but yeah so we went to blah blah then we went to andrew kims house that was way boring there were a bunch of winners there way to go them so yeah we leave andrew gets mad cause me and gel wont sit in the front and he blows everything out of proportion way to go so yeah so hes mad we watch tv sit there talk you know blah blah then talk to bucky go with him and scotty back to andrews and as the asb kids say 123 uncomfortable yeah they were all in the backyard "having fun" well good for them so yeah then we leave and we walk around east lake and me and gel have a nice convo about stuff it was grrrreat then we go to 7-11 and i get a slurpee with one of the cool straws you can eat it was cool but i couldnt drink all of it and so i went home and here i am now bucky makes me happy even when i am weird lol im jk and i never want to see tommy again in my life hes a loser yep

i really dont like being thrown in the pool