I'm still around. Mari, where are you? I managed to get in touch with you sometime last year, but then my email got krunked. Where are you? Hope things are ok. Anyone wants to know where I am (since all you fuckers took me off your friendslist) then drop a comment.

Whoa I'm really glad this is still here, it shouldn't be-- I haven't updated in forever. Sooooo! Okay. News time: 1. I am living in the US now. Wanna know where, drop me a comment. 2. In college, again, doing Paramedics. State exams in May. Skeeeery. 3. That's about it. I moved to the US in August last year (yes, I went through with it. No.. not about a boy) and have been battling immigration and junk ever since. Things are starting to look up. Okay so this is a mini-update since I haven't had coffee yet. I will be back! ~L

Alright, alright! I'm here. I think Mari was about to smack me round the head with a boot or something, for lack of updates. I've managed to pull myself away from my tragic and turgid existance to post! YAY! Feel blessed.. or something. What have I been doing? Getting ready to go back to school. How fucked up is that? Uni starts in about a month, doing a different course, need to find some direction or some shit.. something like that. Should be starting a new job too, should being the operative word. Other than that, I'm no more nor less pathetic than I usually am :) Very, very depraved things going on in the world, ya notice? It's only just hit me how lucky I am to be home from Iraq. It certainly didn't hit me while I was there, and I was there over a year ago.. only now it's hitting. Fuuuuuuuucked. Aw, now I'm depressed. I think Mari's background on her journal (if it's still the same) is pretty fucking accurate. The End Is Very Fucking Nigh. We're gonna end up blowing ourselves up, and we'll wonder what happened after the fact. In other news: I have white chocolate M&M's! ^_^ Okay, back later. Smooch to Mari! ~L

I. Have. Been. So. Busy. Not a good busy, or a having relations busy; the ugly kind of busy that just makes you wanna sleep all day and all night to avoid it. My teeth suck, I want to rip them out. Went to the dentist, found out that a simple 'filling' that I was told I needed, was infact two root canals and an 80% chance of a third. I had the first stage of one root canal done yesterday, which has provided me with a great amount of relief. However, this god-forsaken migrane I have that the teeth is causing, is not relieving at all. I want to rip my head out too, I think. Real Life is cleverly disguised as purpose, when really it's despair. That's my current conviction, of course -- it could be I'm just tired. And my head hurts. And so does my teeth. And whine whine bitch piss and moan. I -love- this song. Here we go, lyrics. I Miss You - Blink 182 Hello there, the angel from my nightmare The shadow in the background of the morgue The unsuspecting victim, of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally, if we want Where you can always find me We'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night, we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never ends I miss you, miss you I miss you, miss you Where are you, and I'm so sorry I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight I need somebody and always This sick strange darkness Comes creeping on so haunting every time And as I stared I counted Webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides Like indecision to call you And hear your voice of treason Will you come home and stop this pain tonight Stop this pain tonight Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you) I miss you, miss you I miss you, miss you I miss you, miss you The clip has a very Smashing Pumpkins "Tonight Tonight" feel to it. The suits, I think, are what do it for me. But ElseMU*, I based a character on one of the people in that clip -- she looked fucking awesome, and my character is the shit so there you go. Incubus' new song "Talk Shows On Mute" is very kick ass too. But their best song is still "Familiar" from the Spawn Soundtrack. Ehehehe.. fits some of my old friends -so- well. So well. Too well. Jack Johnson's "Taylor" is quite funny, with Ben Stiller in the clip. Cool song too. And there they are, Luthien's Music Picks for today. Feel educated. ~L

Now that I have your attention.. Mari! Yes, uploading bunny. I tried, but the file was too big. Gonna re-save as a web-savvy file then upload for your judgement. And dude, your friend trippy/tipsylady? He's funny. And hey everyone. :) Spent a few days up and down between good and bad and shitty. At the good bit now, save I just randomly threw up for no reason today. It was wierd. Tryyyyyying to get some finances to pay for a flight out of this shithole for a bit. Yea, I never thought NZ would be viewed as a shithole by me, but it is when it sucks like this. Really trying to go as fast as I can. Had mushrooms for dinner. The edible kind, not the seriously trippy edible kind. Bored. More later. ~L

Interesting day. Did wake up shitty and tearful, but that was okay -- message from BF on the answerphone. Yay! His internet is broken at home *cry* but at work it's okay, so just waiting for him to log on there so I can talk to him. Day seemed to get better. Not entirely sure why -- my own personal belief is it's cause I talked with BF. Am contented right now. This is good. Didn't do much else. Ate dinner, stuff, took some photos and then got on here a lil while ago. It's gonna be an early night tonight -- am positively shagged. ShatteredFaith, Frostie, Dragonfly, JustJonas.. hope y'all are doin okay :) Night Night. ~L

******* pages: haha, meepy, guess what I did today? You paged ******* with: 'hihi! what's that?'. ******* pages: ok, so you know gillette, the razor company? You paged ******* with: 'yea..'. ******* pages: haha, i rang their customer services line, right? You paged ******* with: 'ok..'. ******* pages: so i say i wanna give them a compliment on that stupid crappy gillette daisy razor. the pink one. You paged ******* with: 'right..'. ******* pages: haha, guess what i said? You paged ******* with: 'no idea?'. ******* pages: i told them that their razors were the shit, and that i can shave my snatch with them and not get cut! Haha. I love that chick.

Everytime you lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet Every room they kept awake By every silent scream we make All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet Only when I stop to think about it I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? Everytime you lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet Only when I stop to think about it I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? Only when I stop to think about you I know Only when you stop to think about me do you know I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? You hate everything about me Why do you, love me? I hate, You hate, I hate, You love me I hate, everything about you Why do I love you? Kick ass song. Very cool. :D ~L

Bleh! Hi2u. Strange day today. Woke up shitty, got happy, got shitty again, am just between shitty and happy -- and am thinking I'll wake up real shitty tomorrow. Frostie is funny. Luv2 Frostie. I'll swap you your gay brother for my ass brother, kk? And hiiiiiiiii ShatteredFaith. Just hi. For no reason. How's that yummy drummer? So. Made a random decision today. Am moving to the States! Now that I've moved on the scale from full-shitty to not-so-shitty, this seems like a mint idea. I just applied to another good 33 jobs. Ranging from shit-flicking sales to IT management that I'm qualified to do. We'll see how this goes. This is the last week I'll apply for jobs, if I don't get anything -- I'm flying to the States within the next two weeks and I'm staying there. On a visa. Wait.. visa takes 4 weeks. So next 4 weeks. Ahhh fuck off. I have chapped lips, and they hurt. I use enough freakin lip balm. My fingers hurt too, I've been making stuff with fimo and it's rock hard to begin with and you have to warm it up to make it soft. I tried microwaving it and well, it stuck to the tray inside the microwave so that didn't work well. And it was harder than before. My cat's being an attention whore. I'm so tired, I should go to sleep. But, I wont. It's like I want to but can't sleep. Fuuuuucked. Watched Shrek tonight. That movie is so funny. But I didn't laugh at all. Sad. Gonna take photos of the Demonic Bunny tomorrow, so I'll post one in here and get an opinion. It's horrid, I think. But that kinda jazz doesn't float my boat so I would think that. Got a chick who wants to buy it, so I'll send them to her too. I think I'm gonna go to bed now, I think at least. Tired, half-happy-mostly-shitty mood is not good for one's self-esteem. ~L

Mmm. Coffee. I have two friends. Yay. Go me. I'm so tired. And mum's being a bitch. Like I need her reminding me of my inabilities. My dad loves me. <3 dad. My brother's just an ass. I think that's what brother's are born for. To be asses. Mmmkay, more later. ~L

..I must make ammends.. I did neglect to mention any of the nice things that said BF said. He's v. patient, and I'm trying. I am.

..your neighbour (who's lawnmower you stole) said to ask you if I can purteh pls have my diary back? I used to be ShayShay back before way when; when this place was just getting started methinks.. maybe not that far back, but it was the beginning of last year I know that much. Frostie is funny. Like Frostie. And wtf.. I think my kettle is going to explode. Oh and hey, wassup with the top_left.jpg thing? I keep trying to upload my new graphic for that, and the Attack of the Purple Eye happens; it's deleted off /my/ hard drive, and here -- but everytime I try to rename a file to top_left.jpg -- it's the EYE! Help? ~L PS: Yes I still suck, I'm just amused now. PPS: Ignore the bit about the eye.. I fixed it. Huzzah.

I've decided I suck. Last night, I spent a little while reading through some diaries here. I wondered, how do people get so angry (no offence intended at all) and shit. I think it's just that life goes out of it's way to fuck people off so bad that they just scream. I'm screaming. I've decided that my life sucks. I decided this the second I considered a job option that I will not repeat for my own self-respect. I've been trying for six weeks to get a job. I'm not a stupid person, I've been to University. I've been in the military. I've done a load of other shit (granted, years ago) but it's not good enough for any fuckpig bastard employer down this side of the fucking globe. Why? No idea. So instead of bottling it up like I have been over the last.. wait, no, seven or eight weeks now.. I decided to /talk/ about it. Sure, I've been a whiney pissy bitch lately -- and I think I'm getting close to the monthly delight that is my rag, but still. Turned out I made shit worse with my bf than it already was, and it was this way already because of my shitty attitude. WHAT THE FUCK? Yes, I can't blame anyone here save me. Heh, he said that sitting in front of a "box" all day smoking ciggies wasn't going to help. I had told him that I'd been looking and busting my ass -- but I don't think that registered or summin. Anyways, that hurt. I thought heh. Nice. He says perservere. I'm sick of perservering to be treated like a fucking has-been or a been-and-done. Fuck it all. I'm so numb right now. He told me to grow up and act like an adult. Maybe he's right. However, he has a good-paying job, a purpose; I have barely half of one of those things. He didn't even say goodnight. I really just wanna scream, all this pressure can't be good for one's mental stability. It's a bunch of other shit too, but that's the nuts of it. Ever felt so worthless that you just do not give a flying fuck about anything? Yep, hi! I've taken a number, and I'm in line. I dunno what to do. I don't wanna go back to school. But what did I just do? Enroll in another university course that starts in July. I could go back to the military, yea. Then I'd get bitched at no doubt for having to go away for 3-6mths at a time. You have no life in the military, until they say you can have a life -- which is on discharge. I could always go to the police force. But really, do I wanna be a cop? It's like the military, except we're not fighting against other countries or protecting people from mass genocide. We're snagging school-kids for knicking bracelets from Glassons. Relleh. *sigh* I'm really bummed that MorbidDread isn't here anymore. And I'm really bummed that my last diary got deleted even though I begged and pleaded for it not to be deleted. I'm even more bummed that my bank closed my account. Fucking wankers. I think I'm just bummed in general, yea?

I am a goddess. I got the digital camera I was sent, to work, without having the software. I hate P&P devices with no softwear; but 18MG later and some installation -- systems are go bebeh. I'm tired today, because it's Saturday I guess. And I'm bored. I spose I should take photos of this demonic bunny. Some chick wants to buy it -- so that's cool. I'll have to post an icon or something with demonic bunny in it. That'd be skeery. More later. When I can be arsed. ~Me

..I pilfered this off of someone's LiveJournal. It's funny, so I want to immortalize it in mine own. Any Tolkien fans? If you've read The Silmarillion, you'll get this. If you haven't, here's a basic run down. Buwaha. ~L PS: Kudos to Camwyn @ LiveJournal. THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS. AINULINDALE: ILUVATAR: Ahem. AINUR: Wow! Existence! ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA! AINUR: LA LA LA! ILUVATAR: LA LA! AINUR: LA LA! MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM! AINUR: Um. . . la? ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA! MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop! ILUVATAR: LA, dammit. MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom. AINUR: . . . ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band. MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway. AINUR: . . . ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for? AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy! ILUVATAR: Yeesh. VALAQUENTA: MANWE: I'm in charge! VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And the queen of the stars! NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos. VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things. IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien. ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens. YAVANNA: I make things grow. NIENNA: I'm sad. ULMO: I live in the ocean. AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves. NESSA: I dance. OROME: I hunt! VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy. TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last. MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA- TULKAS: Grar. MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now. QUENTA SILMARILLION: VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone! MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps* VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west* MELKOR: Hu hu hu. VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees! YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty? MELKOR: Want shiny. VALAR: Nope. MELKOR: Why not? VALAR: Because you're a jerk. ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny! MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock. ELVES: AUGH! UNGOLIANT: Want shiny. MELKOR: Let's go get shiny. FEANOR: I've made more shiny! VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours? FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE! VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&. MELKOR: Got the shinies! UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny! MELKOR: You can't have 'em. UNGOLIANT: Grar. MELKOR: Eeek! *runs away* FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar! MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death* BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady! THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY! BEREN: Worth a shot. LUTHIEN: La la la MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz* BEREN: Got your shiny! MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square! CARCHAROTH: Grar. BEREN: Ow! THINGOL: Got the shiny? BEREN: 's in my hand. THINGOL: And? BEREN: Hand's not here. THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny. CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!! BEREN: *dies* LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la. MANDOS: ... oh all right. LUTHIEN: *returns to life* BEREN: *returns to life* LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter* LUTHIEN: *dies again* BEREN: *dies again* DIOR: Look! It's Mom's shiny! FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY! DIOR: *dies* ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs* FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!. EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar! VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp* EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit! MORGOTH: Eek! VALAR: Got your shinies! MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies! VALAR: Oh *!&(!&). MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies! MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm* MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off* VALAR: Well... um... okay. AKALLABETH: VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge! EDAIN: Cool! VALAR: Don't come looking for us. EDAIN: Okay. ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff! NUMENOREANS: Neat! Oh hey, Middle-Earth! GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you. NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on? GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly. MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay! NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom. MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3 NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die? ELVES: You're human? NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that? VALAR: No. NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away. ELVES: Fine. ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you! MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely. NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children. MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay. ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it? ELVES: No. TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry? GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not. AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude. TAR-MIRIEL: Hey! AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00! SAURON: Okay. AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal. SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree. AR-PHARAZON: Um. . . ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit! SAURON: *makes chicken noises* AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty! ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats. AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor! VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM* AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek! ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee! NUMENOREANS: Arrgh! NUMENOR: SPLOOSH. SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body? ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now? NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap. OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE: ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though! DWARVES: Yeah, seriously. ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff? ELVES: Okay! SAURON: They fell for it. SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MORE GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD! NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago? CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap? SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL? ELVES: AUGH! SAURON: Bwa ha ha! LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off. SAURON: Make me. ISILDUR: Whack. SAURON: Ow. ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it. ISILDUR: No. ELROND: This sucks. ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies* GONDORIANS: *change calendar* CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch! SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur. SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea. RING: No I'm not. THE WISE: Augh. THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you! RING: *melts* SAURON: AUGH! MORDOR: BOOM. GONDORIANS: *change calendar* ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip! GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring! CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!

Poem said: Hello, Mamma! I come to you from o'er the sea, I'm not much good at verse -- but seeing's I can't hold a pen it could be so much worse! The one who sent me loves you so with all his evil heart, and hopes my company will do while you must be appart

I had such a good entry lined up.. Then I went and did something else and forgot all what the fuck I was gonna write. I got something mad in the mail a few days ago. Haven't had a good place to rant about it, no one wants to hear. So I look out the window, and in the mailbox there's this parcel thing. I'm like wooo! I was expecting a different parcel, definitely not the one I got. Anyhow, I trot my ass out to get it; bounce back inside and proceed to unwrap it. Red pokadot material wrapped around something, barbie doll arms (where's the rest of barbie?) and a stylie black card with gold writing. I'm like mmmkay.. Open and read the card, am now thinking wtf? Then open up the pressie. It seemed nice, from like the little glance I took. I untied an aptly placed ribbon and MY GOD. It's a bunny, right? Purple (fave color, obviously) but it has a full set of what I learned to be, die-cast Wolverine's teeth in it's face. Did I scream? Yes, I did. I shoved it back in it's bag and haven't looked since. Funny thing is, I told some friends about it.. they want to buy it. Rock on! I'm not into demonic bunnies myself, but it appears other's are. I'll be glad to get rid of it. If anyone's interested in it, leave me a comment. Highest bidder for purple-pastel Demonic Bunny, wins. Anyways, tired. My arse hurts, I wanna sleep.. talkin to mah baby. Three mths with him.. now three mths without him is going to be tooooooo long. Fuck. I miss my old diary here. That had some funny shit in it. Le sigh. ~Me

Most miffed.. no MorbidDread. *sigh* Anyhow, proper entry. Just spent three months in the United States. Nice country you got there, I enjoyed it. It made me appreciate home though. Where I used to think it was too small -- it's now bigger than I realized it to be. Bored. I tell you, trying to get a job with a medical qualification and 4 years military experience either makes you one of two things: 1. Over qualified/under experienced. 2. Over experienced/under qualified. How the fuck? I'm going to make myself a graphic for my header, it looks gay just like that. Also, if anyone can tell me how to make my page look awesome -- please drop me a note. It's been a long while since I was last here, and I don't know if you gotta pay summin to be all cool. That's not a problem, if so. But still. More later, I think. Tired right now. ~Me

..they DID delete her!.. Anyone knows where MorbidDread has gone? Please leave me a comment. *morose*

Well what do you know.. I came to logon to my diary here, I used to be ShayShay.. and it's been deleted. D: But that's okay, the username I wanted was available so here I am. First and foremost: MORBID ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?! Secondly: Hi everyone. :) Just a short entry to re-introduce myself to sitDiaries. I'm ShayShay, or Luthien now. Have turned 21 since I was here last, living in Paradice -- AKA: New Zealand. Former Medic for the New Zealand Defence Force; am now a civillian. Huzzah! Qualified in the medical industry, and living it up after an extended period of time in Iraq. Drop me a note! And Morbid, I'm searching for yah bebeh. I hope she wasn't deleted too.. ~Me