I've decided I suck. Last night, I spent a little while reading through some diaries here. I wondered, how do people get so angry (no offence intended at all) and shit. I think it's just that life goes out of it's way to fuck people off so bad that they just scream. I'm screaming. I've decided that my life sucks. I decided this the second I considered a job option that I will not repeat for my own self-respect. I've been trying for six weeks to get a job. I'm not a stupid person, I've been to University. I've been in the military. I've done a load of other shit (granted, years ago) but it's not good enough for any fuckpig bastard employer down this side of the fucking globe. Why? No idea. So instead of bottling it up like I have been over the last.. wait, no, seven or eight weeks now.. I decided to /talk/ about it. Sure, I've been a whiney pissy bitch lately -- and I think I'm getting close to the monthly delight that is my rag, but still. Turned out I made shit worse with my bf than it already was, and it was this way already because of my shitty attitude. WHAT THE FUCK? Yes, I can't blame anyone here save me. Heh, he said that sitting in front of a "box" all day smoking ciggies wasn't going to help. I had told him that I'd been looking and busting my ass -- but I don't think that registered or summin. Anyways, that hurt. I thought heh. Nice. He says perservere. I'm sick of perservering to be treated like a fucking has-been or a been-and-done. Fuck it all. I'm so numb right now. He told me to grow up and act like an adult. Maybe he's right. However, he has a good-paying job, a purpose; I have barely half of one of those things. He didn't even say goodnight. I really just wanna scream, all this pressure can't be good for one's mental stability. It's a bunch of other shit too, but that's the nuts of it. Ever felt so worthless that you just do not give a flying fuck about anything? Yep, hi! I've taken a number, and I'm in line. I dunno what to do. I don't wanna go back to school. But what did I just do? Enroll in another university course that starts in July. I could go back to the military, yea. Then I'd get bitched at no doubt for having to go away for 3-6mths at a time. You have no life in the military, until they say you can have a life -- which is on discharge. I could always go to the police force. But really, do I wanna be a cop? It's like the military, except we're not fighting against other countries or protecting people from mass genocide. We're snagging school-kids for knicking bracelets from Glassons. Relleh. *sigh* I'm really bummed that MorbidDread isn't here anymore. And I'm really bummed that my last diary got deleted even though I begged and pleaded for it not to be deleted. I'm even more bummed that my bank closed my account. Fucking wankers. I think I'm just bummed in general, yea?