do people even read this shit anymore, i forgot about this diary! wow, this is insane, like everyone went to myspace! lol.

merry christmas to the ones i hate, merry christmas even if its to late, merry christmas for the ones who cry, merry christmas to the ones who died, merry christmas to the ones all alone, im hope you will find a mind of your own. merry christmas to the ones i love, say hello to the ones above, dont forget im still waiting for you, waiting for death, waiting for truth. fuck this shity world its not worth living for, and fuck you all i wont hurt anymore.

lost in this shadow i reach for your hand, i can't understand, i can't see your face you lost without a trace like the never ending space, inbetween our hearts forever torn apart,the pieces of me dieing with disease ache for the love that will set me free, scremaing from the pain from all the fear in shame that hold me here to you, makes me so confused,witherd roses wilt at my feet as i take in this ugly defeat thats captivated me into your imbrace...im lost without a trace.

"the world will burn tonight, and you will be my only worry." -kyle

"i promise to love you for rich or poor, i love you." -ture loves kiss would break the spell, she has a secret that she wont tell, and as the tears fall down her face, she feels so lost and out of place. Nothing seemed right as she stumbled down the hall, trying her best not to fall. "i swear my love to you for better or worse." -she wants to break free from this curse. He's taken her soul she wont get it back, he beat her that day until her vision went black. The bruises mya fade but the memory stays, she almost died on her wedding day. "i promise to love you for all of my life" "i now pronounce you, husband and wife."

i just dont know what i feel about anyting anymore and i just write and cut and cry and i dont get any closer to my happieness....love is something everyone should expreience but i dont think im getting closer i cant stand this day after day im slowly dying.....but will no one save me?

someties its like i dont matter and others he loves me i mean whats the deal ben makes me so mad sometimes and when ever he says all this mean stuff to me it just makes me mad he brings up all this stuff about how i got raped and makes fun of me i mean how heartless can you get? i dont understand him i really want to knoe what his deal is....

you know, it seems like every time i get sumthin goin with a guy i screw it up-by the way josh and i are no longer together! im sad...my friend lauren (adair) told me he didn't like me and told him i didn't like him and he was like all mad at me and lauren started like hangin all over him! it was GAY! and so now every flippin day i have to watch them make out and it just makes me want to cry...but i have this friend ryan and he is really sweet and i like him alot and lauren and other poeople keep sayin that he likes me to and i think it's true cause he keeps huggin me it's really sweet! but i don't know if he wants to "be with me" but i dont know i'll get back to ya! -stupid gurl! aka-Laur!!

sometimes i sit and think about all the things wrong with the world, and it often takes the whole day. with every birth there is a death, with every first breath there is a last. We are all dying into nothing captivated in the hatred that has cradeled us for so long, we never stop to think about the people we step over to climb to the top or take atvantage of to make a quick dollar...with every first kiss there is a love lost, and the others sit alone unwanted and weak they cry for all the wishes ungranted, all the prayers unanswered, all dreams are just dreams they can't come true and all of our lives we have been manipulated into believing that we can make a difference but we can't we have nothing to lose nothing to gain our souls are slowly shrinking but in a strange way this isn't that big of a deal...because we all end up the same,... eaqual.

OMG PEOPLE AARE JUST SO MEAN!!...GOSH WHOEVER WROTE THAT MEAN COMMENT ON MY THING THAT WAS JUST NOT COOL AND I WULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO KNOW WHO SAID IT OKAY!?!!?? YEAH THAD BE GREAT! AND FOR YOUR INFO I DO HAVE A LIFE AND JUST BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO SHARE MY POEMS WITH PEOPLE BECAUSE I HAVE SOME TALENT UNLIKE THE RETARDED PERSON WHO SAID THAT I DONT YOU SHOULDN'T BITCH ON ME! SO YEAH KISS MY CUTE LITTLE ASS!

when im lying in the dark and im all alone, i can't help but notice that your not home.. im dying slowly im teary eyed and lonley.. can you hear my screaming out your name? im crying for you to be with me, im here in front of you but you can't see, please come to rescue me..... nothing means anything anymore, i wait for you to walk through the door, im nothing when you not here, you take away all my fear...im crying for you. this was never easy, did you ever see me... i was always there for you, there to pull you through ...and im crying for you to be with me, im here in front of you but you can't see, please come to rescue me......

HEY!! today josh was sooo sweet to me! OMG it was so great...LoL he was holding my hand every chance he got, and after every class he came up behind me and hugged me...he is like the nicest any guy has ever been to me!!...i love him! but the only thing is he didnt ask me out, it's not that big of a deal ya know but it would be nice....i cant wait to see him tommorrow, mabybe he will ask me then. his friends keep asking me if we are going out and freak out when i say no and are like "uhhh he was supposed to ask you today!" LoL but i dont wanna rush him, if he will he will and if he doesnt then it's not meant to be....right?

OMG! I JUST WANNA SCREAM!! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! I JUST WANNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING! AHHH! *SCREAMS IN A MAD FIT!!* GOSH THIS IS GAY!

i cant stand sitting here each day and watch my heart turn into dust, i want to fly...last night i had a dream i could fly over the clouds i saw so many things that just took my breath away and somtimes i just dont want to wake up...

Yeah-maybe i should make the first move...but he knows that i like him though i mean we act like we are going out, i like hug him before all our classes and we always hang out with eachother...i know he knows i like him because i have told him, i just feel weird asking him out cause i normaly dont go up to guys and be like lets go out, then they think im like a control freak! LoL i dont know.

hey-im sorrda with this guy josh, he is sooo sweet i HEART him! LOL but the thing is he wont ask me out...he tells my friends that he wants to but he cant bring himself to do it...i dont know what to do...but i love him he's so sweet i mean we might as well be "GOING OUT" because we act like it...yea im listening to only one- i reminds me of him! -Laur!