things are getting rough, (again?) I'm beginning to think too much and at the same time, losing my grip on reality. As absurd as that sounds. Every night I'm finding myself staring at a blank spot on the ceiling, not thinking about much.. But thinking about everything. I fall asleep on the same note every night, some psuedo fucking thought of "wow, I'm really alright. Things are okay." Every night. I fall asleep around that point. Obviously, I'm only fooling everyone else. Because I'm not buying it. There's times were I really am happy. With Ash, or with Him. I'm not giving up this time. I'm not going to just let go and want to start over again next time I'm feeling a little depressed. I won't give up. Anyways, lost about 9lbs since last week, woo. Today: Breakfast: Spoonful of peanut butter After school: red pear about 10-15 grapes. Dinner: 2 small peices of fish. salad. That's all I'll eat tonight, and writing it out seems like I ate a ton. Gross. I feel gross for acting this way. I'm a hypocrite.