So, I'm at my dad's house. I've been here since...a week or so after finals. I've been working as a server at IHOP and a server at the Pinnacle Dinner Theatre. I'm making pretty good money, I worked all day Monday at IHOP and walked with 94 bucks. Of course, it's all going into savings and onto my credit card for next semester. It's amazing how my sisters never seem to run out of things to fight about. Rebecca's actually started cursing and it's weirding me out because she's always been the good little church girl and hearing her lately is a real trip. Caitlyn seems to be able to hold her ground though. Makes me sick to listen to it though. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm just so freaking sick of people being mean to each other in general, I've been the victim of it for years so yeah. Getting back to the point of why I started this entry in the first place, since I haven't written in forever...I just got dumped. I've never been dumped before in my life. It's a weird feeling. Usually I either do the dumping or drive the guy to a mutual breakup. And the worst part is, he really likes me. Okay, I met this guy named Pat about...3 weeks ago and...well, he was standing to my manager, Gail, and I asked her a question and then later on that night, she told me that Pat said I was hot. Well the next afternoon, Ty, Anne, Bonnie and I all decided to go to Souper Salad for our lunch break and I asked Pat to come along since he was just standing around. That evening after my night shift (it was one of those rare days where I work a double at Pinnacle, usually I'm at IHOP in the mornings) he was telling me that his friends had changed their plans to go get food so I said that I'd probably be hungry by the time I was done doing resetting my tables and I'd love to join him. He actually helped me reset my tables and told Gail that it was because he wanted to learn that side of the business. She out and told him it was because I worked in that side of the business. (Pat is the marketing manager.) So after we finished, we sat in Denny's for two hours just talking. We talked about shows we'd done, his past girlfriends, we brushed over the fact that I'd had past relationships...then when he walked me out to my car we hugged and almost kissed but he pulled away. I was kinda bummed. (I found out later that he thought I wasn't interested!)(I had thought the same thing!) So we saw each other every day or night after that up until this last week...the night after Denny's, I went over to his apartment and we ended up having sex. It was amazing. He is so sweet and charming and caring and OMG one of those RARE guys who likes to talk about things. He's handsome and smart and a theatre guy! He's 26 and got his degree in theatre...*sigh* Well, he dumped me last night. I really thought we were clicking. I mean everything about it felt right, even the fact that we slept together after knowing each other all of like 48 hours. If it hadn't felt absolutely right I wouldn't have done it. He keeps saying it's the past hurt and work and him being busy and his not being fair to me. I'm sorry but I'm just so freaking sick of getting close to a guy and things falling apart. I'm even more sick of sleeping with them once and that being it. If being physical and intimate with a guy is going to be part of our relationship, and I have no problem with it being so, it has to be a constant thing. I mean granted we played and made out but that's different. We haven't even done that in over a week. I know I'm making it sound like we've known each other longer than that but...it feels like it. Maybe I'm crazy for falling so quickly but you know you can't control who you love, you can't choose where you will love or how fast it will happen. I hate it when people put a time limit on affections. Freaking society seems to put a time limit that standardizes when you can love someone. And I'm not even saying that I'm in love with the man but I was starting to. And now, he doesn't even want to date anymore. And he keeps giving me the "it's not you it's me" line and I believe him. Normally I don't but it's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been around us ya know? But I believe him. I just really miss him. Seeing him at work tonight was almost unbearable. I promised him I wouldn't make work awkward. That was the whole reason we couldn't really make a big deal of us dating because we work in the same building ya know? But I saw him several times around this afternoon/evening and it just wrenched my heart everytime I saw him. He keeps saying he still cares about me and nothing will change that but I don't see why we can't just date over the summer ya know? Maybe he's gotten closer to me than he expected and just isn't as vocal about it as I am and it's just scaring him. He kept telling me how amazing he thinks I am and how incredible it is that he found me when he did. He dated Seana for nine years then didn't even have a typical breakup, it was more a cross over into Catherine. And these women must have been amazing for him to been with them for so long. I'm actually jealous of what they got to have with him. And not jealous in a stalker way, just envious of...like the line from Aida, "I shall not envy lovers but long for what they share." I really care about him and I can't seem to get through to him that I'm okay with just dating this summer. I don't need an actual relationship right now. I was happy just seeing him when he got a few minutes, just hanging out at his place watching Family Guy petting the dog. (He's got the cutest black lab/blue heeler/ Rotty mix named Max.) I was happier than I've been in a LONG time. I'm going to either send him this entry or just tell him when I actually get a chance to talk to him without him falling asleep or running to do something for work. He's such a workaholic. It's crazy that for the first time I'm feeling totally unselfish with a guy. I actually care about what he's doing with his life and his work and I love hearing about what he's doing and what he's done. Admittedly, I haven't always been that way with the guy I'm seeing. Alot of the time I just tune them out or change the subject. Course, I admit that's a bad thing. But it's different with Pat. I love hearing what he's up to and what he wants with his life. I love letting him talk about everything. I understand that his work comes first and I'd never do anything to stand in the way of that. I wish things could go back to the way they were. But I guess...he told his friends that if it weren't for the work thing and his past thing that we would be pretty much perfect for each other and that I have several of the qualities he wants in a woman. I've got this ache that's just missing him. We're both picking at each other with rude little snaps and it's driving me crazy. I know he cares about me more than he's willing to let himself admit but that's probably the Taurus in him talking. We both believe in the horoscope thing so I got bored and we decided to look up our compatibility: Taurus & Pisces They get along perfectly! The poetic, sensitive Fish seeks ways to make the Taurean happy, in exchange for the tenderness and security he needs. They enjoy going out together as well as the intimacy of their home. Their physical love is alchemical, spiritual, and intense. The Bull's practical side helps the Pisces to accomplish the projects bubbling up in his or her imagination; a quality which the stolid Taurus needs to lighten his sometimes monotonous life. The outlook for love is promising. Wild huh? We've read each other's profiles and agree with them pretty much completely. It's amazing how quickly we clicked and it just blows my mind...how happy I've been with him. He can be a total slob sometimes and I love him for it. He belches and can be just a typical guy in that respect and I'm okay with it. Normally that kind of stuff sends me for the hills faster than anything but I'm okay with it. I'm realizing more about myself and just wow ya know? I feel myself growing as a person. I'm going to go try to get some sleep but I'm going to go ahead and send this. Not like it will make a whole lot of difference but I didn't write it for him, I wrote it for me. @---)(-----