I like how I've known him for a while.
I wish we could be like _____ and _____ though.
I guess we kinda are.
But we have trouble
we work
but its hard
ups
downs
HIGHS
lows
shit
i can't tell him
AACCCCCCIIIDDDDDDDDDD
DAYMMMN
I love how my [old] best friend doesn't invite me to something but invites a guy who has screwed her over and continues to do so.
Isn't life pleasently ironic?
Isn't life interestingly odd?
Yes it is.
My boyfriend is wonderful. I'm truely happy with him. I was doubting it for a while but now I realize that I'd feel like I was missing something if I didn't have him.
when I'm with you
I feel like I could die
and that would be alright
alright....
FUCK YOU
Parental unit: it's good to talk about you're feelings
Me: yeah well I think you don't really understand me. you think you do but you really don't.
(they really don't)
Parental unit: I think you need some time by yourself
FUCK YOU
"It's good to talk about your feelings"
well FUCK YOU
you never want to talk about how anything feels
FUCK YOU
I hate missing him all the time.
Especially when I shouldn't be at all.
When I should be over it.
over him
When I care about someone else now.
When I really think he was my first.
I can't take it
shit
i keep thinking about my old boyfriend
why
i don't know
it's been months since it ended and months since i've seen or talked to him
why cant i get him out of my head
why do i think about his favorite things
why when i do something i think about him and that he would have liked to do this too maybe with me
why do i compare the old boyfriend and the current
it's not fair
and i hate it
i hate thinking about the old one and thinking how i could have awesome conversations with him because we had so much in common and he was so much fun and i loved him so much
i loved him too much to say
maybe i'm just kidding myself and i didn't love him
but i'm sure i did
i must have or else it wouldn't be months and months later with me still thinking about him
i don't think about the old one when i am with my current one but after or just at random times
we were too much alike the old one and i
but that's what was so amazing
i swear
i know its incrediably corny but he was my other half
together we were complete
he felt that way too
for a while
oh well
screw it
_________________________________________
FUCK
I HATE THIS
birthdays
awkward
i hate this.
_________________________________________
I HATE THIS
I don't even have anyone to talk to
things aren't going as well as I thought I guess
shit
why does this always happen
my brother is such a spoiled shitbrained little asshole.
he only thinks about himself
he only cares about anything and wants to do anything if the attention is on him
he's way too fucking insecure to do anything
he lies all the fucking time (like i can say anything about anyone else lying)
he's so spoiled he takes everything and everyone for granted and treats people like shit who do not deserve it ESPECIALLY when they are GIVING him things and TRYING TO BE NICE and make HIM happy.
he's so fucking inconsiderate
now i remember why i hate him so much
haven't been here for a really really really long time
but people know about my other one and I think I want something that people I know don't know about.
I'll just get right to it.
I think I'm in love or something like that.
Either love or hate or guiltyness.
I hope it's the former.
I'm pretty sure I'm just scared. That's why I do the mean things that I do and say mean things about him and all of that junk.
JUNK
that's some shit I would never mess around with.
possibly speed but that'd be pretty fucking retarded....or maybe well nevermind
but I think that maybe I should tell him that he can do shit like that but not alone and nothing new unless I'm around so that it wouldn't be so sad and instead it'd be like a semi-social thing to do since I'd be with him.
But then he might think I've suddenly dropped all my morals and he's corrupting me too much. No more repect for standing up for what I think and saying no. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Maybe he'd be happy I finally want to join his side.
Besides.
I'm not going to die.
that's what everyone says....
before they do actually die.