So..Had another strange dream last night..And..this dream..Was.....disturbing..It frightened me, and I don't know why. All I know, is that I dreamt I was giving head to someone, but I had to stop because the bus was coming and I was going to miss it. The dream kind of scared me for some reason, even though I woke up touching myself. Had an........interesting....morning. After waking up from that dream, I rolled over, and smacked the Snooze button about four times..I finally got up at like 6:30..Got dressed really fast, and made myself something for breakfast..Then I ran out the door..At school, I went up to Legal Issues for my exam..And..I was sitting there for maybe..a minute..Before my stomach started acting up again..And has to run to the bathroom REALLY fast..And I ended up spending like, five minutes in there..And when I came back, everyone stared at me..As if I had...Done something...bad..As if they..knew...What I'd been doing that whole time in the bathroom.. I sat down, and took my exam (Which was pretty easy)..And then I went down to break..And when I found Cara in the cafeteria..And as we were leaving I went.. "Hey Cara." -"What?" "Y'know what's really funny?" -"What?" "Getting laid when you're only partially awake." She stopped, dead in her tracks..And turned slowly, and STARED at me for at least a half a minute.. "I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" Amusing. I went to gym, wrote a poem, slept some. Went to lunch after, it was alright. Watched Troy in English after, it didn't really interest me. But the music was starting to make me FREAK out. I don't know why. And then Ari took me home after B period. I got home around..12:45. I have things in my head that I don't feel like I can say..But I need to say them, I NEED TO GET IT OUT BEFORE I EXPLODE. Anyways. I found some little bells today, and I put them on a string and they amuse me. Sad, yeah, but oh well. Maybe I'll start carrying one around with me for the day he decides to collar me. But, whatever. I'm not expecting it, I'm not holding my breath for it. I think doing that would cross a line he's not...comfortable...with. But, not expecting it. Not expecting anything, from anyone anymore. I don't expect people to be nice to me, I don't expect the Parental Neglect to end, I don't expect my own feelings of inadaquecy to end. I expect nothing, I hope for nothing. .. And yet, I'm still dissapointed by things. I still think that something was set into motion by the two of us having sex, but Kei doesn't seem to think so. I have my vague, sneaking suspicions that..maybe..just maybe..He'll..become..attached to me...Instead of the other way around. I KNOW he said he doesn't fall in love easily, but he also did say he feels himself getting close to Kei and I. But, then again, I'm probably just being...conceited...(?)..again. I KNOW I need to be more honest with the two of them, and posting this to my SitDiary instead of my LJ or my DJ, it's not being open and honest with them. At all. And that thing in Kei's reading about moving forward fearlessly and doing things and being reckless..yeah, I'm almost positive it's about me. I mean, come on. Trusting someone enough to let them blindfold me, and take off all of my clothes? Yeah, I'd call that moving forward fearlessly. All that other stuff, I don't know. I need to do a reading of my own, and get laid again soon. Because getting laid makes me happy. And stupidly giggly. Which is good.