WOW, re-reading my last entry was so weird. Me and henry? Love? Pffft, as if. Or were we? I mean, I really felt it was, but maybe it wasn't REAL love, a great big love which changes everything.... We were growing up, in the end i was glad i realized it wasn't love. Oh well, not going to speak about him. I feel so happy about my new school, I feel whole again, I really do. I feel like i'm back to myself when I did well. I don't know what it was about Balmain but I had changed and I did nothing. I don't know if it was the grey and cold colours or just....what was it? I know for sure I don't want to be going back there for a while. Maybe never, until years time when I look back and think "ah the days, drinking and being silly teens, havin' sex and not givin' a shit." There were some awesome times for sure. But I think now things are getting really good for me. I don't know where the hell I would be if I stayed in that place. I really didn't see anything coming to me. I'm doing heaps now, it's just been so great, and I FEEL great, I feel great physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Wow.

i haven't been here in ages! well what can i say relationships are so complicated but henry and i have lasted for such a long time. it's been almost 9 months. Almost. I think it's normal what we're going through but heck its tough. I don't even know if i want to have sex at the moment...I'm not sure if i'm ready. And we both feel like there's something empty in our relationship, i wonder what it is. I just don't get it. I love him, i dont know about him, he says he does but he's still confused. He's been confused for a long time... I feel furious back when we broke up for a bit. But, it felt so amazing when we happened to kiss. You could really feel it. I can't explain how amazing i felt. It was really love. I just don't get whats wrong. I might be moving schools next year. I still haven't decided and it's killing me but i think i probably should. Balmain has such a depressing atmosphere for me, too many people with totally different lives from me, bad education, and every single day of my school life i feel like time is being wasted. I don't feel like i've learnt anything. i've had so much experience i must say, with a lot of stuff. especially having almost the whole school hating you, but you know, things got better in the end. But as for me right now, i feel so invisible. I really don't feel important and i feel like no one quite understands how i'm feeling. Are people only thinking of themselves? That's how i see it right now. Why can't anyone just listen to me? I don't know the point of life, but i know there is one, or maybe a few... hehehehe, i want to be SHOT, heheheheheeeeeeeeeee

well i've been trying to make a new username but i cant remember how and quite frankly i am too angry to care. i can't believe how patheticly jealous i get. and right now i feel so ugly and insecure it's just too bloody unbelievable. why do i get like this all the time? i hate it so much how i get angry and then stress and then just cry over how angry i get i lose it all the fucking time why are you like this valentina? and i just want henry to come back from new zealand i'm dying. what makes me feel even worse is just knowing how much henry mum and stepmum hate me. it sure fucking looks like it, trying to get me and henry away from eachother all the fucking time i can't bloody relax anymore. i am so sick of this! i am losing so much respect for you two, you are just so unbelievably stupid. atleast henry's dad is a little more decent and he's smarter and just plain nicer than you. it's funny how you try and stop us having sex but i can't believe thats the only thing you think about. is that so important? oh don't you worry we'll be fucking hard like animals :) oh, valentina you ugly sad girl, stop getting so angry. just break the glass already.