fuck being sick is hard work being sick and on coke is worse. Honestly I was doing so good 5 days hole days with nothing. I thought about it everyday and kept my money in my pocket pat me on the back right. I slip up today not to bad just one line one bump but really that could send you into tremoil. I went to the councler man and talked for a bit. Just like things I've seen and done and all it could be the reflection of my future or not. I guess its up to me. People say they are there for me and that I will be ok. That is so nice of them but there is nothing they can do. I can cry on 30 shoulders and I can talk till my face is blue to all of these people but really in the end it is just me. I am in the most rediculuse fright its almost funny its so dumb. I am fright with a poweder something that I could just blow and it would go every where and just vacum it up, or sweep it with a broom so really why in gods name am I even frighting it if it is such a simple little pile of poweder. You think taht my brain fell out of my ears last week and I am in some kind of boxing ring, with the smallest most insugnificant thing ever. I may as well be yelling at a chair becuase its just a chair and coke is just a poweder, and I am sure that most of it is baking soda or some other stupid substance and it is all in my head for all I know I am have been taking rails of flour and convincing my self that it is some kind of stimulant. I need to smoke a bowl because I just scaerd my self with what is probibly the honest truth. weird I think I might have just fixed my self even if I am wronge leave it the fuck alone.