Guh, I am so adgitated...Look, my friend Michelle right..Well I used to live in Mt.Clemens, and when I did, she did too. When I moved to Eastpointe she was still loving there. Well she said to me "Alyssa, your gonna make a bunch of friends and when we want to hang out or talk to you, your gonna be to 'busy'.." Of course I said no, becasue it wasnt true. I hung out woth them every fucking weekend. Then Michelle moved to Ohio, I could only call her. Everytime I called her she wasn't there, she was busy, or we wernt talking because she had nothing to talk about. So I told her about the whole thing and she started talking to me alot more often. I was happy. Well now she lives in South Carolina. Shes changed soo much since she left me. (We used to date) I mean, she does weed, as a bigger additude with me for no reason and now...she KNOWS I still like her. She knows this. She likes me too, and what not..She asks me advise about other girls, which one I am true friends with..So things turn out good. Thats not the thing tho. Today I was talking to her on the phone and she got a beep and came on.."I have a call I need to take..." I asked who it was and she said Brittney. (which is her crush and what not) Yeah I guess you could say im jealous. People like her used to be the ones that shed hang up with to talk to me...Now im being pusehed into the dirt. It hurts me...A LOT. I want her back, even though shes cheated on me..Lied to me..Broke promises. Everything. Name it. Shes done it all. And yet I still find myself crying every night over her. I miss her uber bad. UBER UBER UBER bad. I havent seen her since September in '05. I know it doesnt seem like much, but for one you love, it feel like a life time. I feel like I am slowly dying inside. I feel like everyday another part of me is being chopped off and being spit on. It hurts so bad. I want help. I know I am only 13 but I have been through more than all of you know. Ive cut. Ive overdosed on pills. Im not a virgin. I wish I could take all of it back. I was so stupid. I want to go back. But I cant. I want some help. No I dont want some...I need some. I need some help before I start doing stupid things again. But this time just worse. I need that someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to count on. Someone to live for. Someone to tell me right from wrong. Someone to help me. Someone to make me laugh. Someone who will listen. Someone to love. I have so much pain. I want to die. I want to CARVE a suicide note into my body and hang myself. I want to play "doctor" by myself. Please. Someone take this away. Please. Someone take me away from here. Please. Please. Please. Just take me away. Just kill me now. PLEASE FUCKING KILL ME! PLEASE!! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!