I can't seem to wake up lately I now have night class 3 nights a week so I can only work 4 closing shifts.. NOT 5!! 3 days off in a row will be nice. I miss life though.. i feel like I am just floating by.. not really making a difference I wrote a letter.. I cried about it. I made you cry about it. But yet you went and slept with a random person.. A person who is not only gross white trash, but has gonorrhea and chlamydia! So all of my support about you being a virgin and everything did no good. Maybe my advice meant nothing. then why did you cry....God if I only would have waited to do what I did.. I just know my choices were mistakes. And I thought by sharing my story it would help others but I just sit here so depressed about it. I hate our society. Why is sex so important? Why didn't I wait. Why why why. I used to look at her and think wow a virgin and she's my age, thats amazing. Now you are just like the rest of us.. BROKEN.. and you might even have an STD that will stick with you forever! I love you. But I cant help you. I see that now. I did what I could. But obviously you didnt care enough to take it to heart.. Maybe I held you on a pedistal and I shouldnt have done that. But I just thought it was amazing that you don't have Jesus in your heart but yet you WERE a virgin, somewhere in your soul you had made that choice. Because obviously u didnt have the moral support behind it... WHY TOM BURTE... WHY!!

So my car battery/alternator died yesterday. We are pretty sure its the alternator because we tried jumping it and it wouldnt work.. so looks like I have no car until sometime next week or maybe even later. Depending on the how fast they get around to fixing it. This means I have to get my car towed and everything YUK! I thought I was broke before. Now I am even more in the hole. . I will have to dip into savings.. Which I guess the reason it is there is to help with the bad things that happen but. Maybe it will turn out that I need a new car. Which will mean I will be money-less for an eternity. I wish I had rich parents or grandparents. Oh wait I do have rich grandparents in Florida. But doesnt look like they care enough to help any of us out. Ok I'm out. Just getting even more pissed off at everything as I write. .

You make my life easier. You send sparks up my back when we kiss. I can't sleep when you're not near. You've made ME possible! You helped me find who I want to be. You let me be myself around you! You understand when something is wrong with me. You take the time to figure it out. My Relationship with God is in the right place thanks to you and your open mind. You have shown me the kind of person I am and the kind of person I aspire to be. Thank You from the bottom of my un-broken heart!!! Loving You always..

I really didnt know I had this much potential. . Working. Living. Bills. School. A's. Sex life. Love. Friends. Family Life is just whirling by. I never knew I would be this person who has everything under control. I really am not trying to sound arrogant, seriously. But it just seems like everything is gonna work out. I had doubts. But I have just had a revelation. Today is the day! I will be successful. I have found love. I will get married. We really are going to live happily ever after (in between the fights and everyday annoyances). Nobody has a perfect happily ever after.. But everyones happiness is measured differently.. ok i kinda trailed off. I am just happy.. Today is a happy joyous day! J

I look around and don't understand people. I don't understand why we do the things we do. Why we feel the way we do. I got to know you. I didnt know you before. I just wish that you knew that it made me happy. I just wish that you cared as much as the rest of us do. All of it makes me wish I never knew the real you. Maybe I never did know the real you? I wish that I wouldnt have enjoyed your company. Before, you were like an illusion and now you are even further away. You just decide that being with them is better. Is it because they use? And we don't? Because I wish it wasnt like that? Is it because you can have sex with her or them and can't with us because we are family? I wish it wasnt that way because family should be more important but you dont seem to care. . I love you.. families love eachother. I can't help it. I sometimes wish I could. Then all of this wouldnt hurt me and I could just stop wishing that we were close. That we could have deep conversations. But you think that God isnt real. You probably think I am stupid for loving Him. And trying to follow Him. I just wish that you could see the beauty.... You're smart and God gave you that gift. But do you even care to realize any of it? I am done. Can't keep going on like this..