Things are so much better! I had a fantastic Christmas but went right from that to having a serious mental breakdown. For some reason I targeted my relationship with Jak as the thing that was holding me back but I was so wrong. It took less than 24 hours of us being broken up for me to remember why we were together. I'm really glad he's so understanding and wonderful because I nearly fucked up everything together. I never thought I wanted to get with someone else, I just wasn't happy where I was. But now I realise it's not my relationship that's stopping me having the freedom, fun and social life that I want: it's me. I'm the one who holds myself back and I need to stop doing that. I need to just love myself, love my life, love who I am and then more people will love me.

I've joined the gym as well and I'm hoping to get fitter and tone up my arms and then I'll feel much more positive about the way I look. I don't see why I get down about it really because I look fine. I'm alright. I'm never going to be the best looking girl in the room but that's okay. Why should I have to be the best to be content? It's ridiculous. I have to stop competing against this imaginary picture of what my ideal life would be like and start enjoying what I have. I feel so positive about everything, things with Jak have almost been like when we first got together and I can't wait for summer - fun all the time!

I'm a little bit worried about my revision and dissertation because I haven't done enough work the past few days but I know if I knuckle down I'll be fine. I just need to organise my time and stick to the plan =)