im shaking im trembling im crying in my arms disgusted disturbed are my thoughts visions of me with worms eating my flesh of blood dripping it keeps dripping from my wrist off of my arms i scratch i sleep it all away alone all the time suicide repeats in mind everyday my eyes they droop can barely even move im not alive but my hearts still beating episodes where i feel like someone else hidden away - no one knows i felt everything is black i cant take my own head i need i would be better off dead didnt want to exist - wanted to disappear but someone i still am standing here it was evil it was dark i was out of my head from all the things ive always thought with the tears ive never said no more, i opened my eyes and the tears washed away sorrowful years God answered prayers and i know ill be okay

bury me left underground worms inside me face upside down lying in my coffin to make sure that i fit bleeding inside from a life that is shit tangled into a greasy web spinning me to eat the dead being inside an ugly beast reaching my best is reaching your least grim reaper - remember i set the date waiting for it sometimes too late the last ride i take - cold in my hearse will the grim reaper take me - or will i first death is a full invitation to fly with the birds another lost kid trapped in the art of words

tasha rae is not here today there are many of things that she is missing the A/Cs working just great the food - well its second rate the math class missed you and the english too oh and mr.p hes soh gay how can you stand to be away in callahans you didnt do much studied the history of the brady bunch miss zerbys eyes are full of tears saying "come back to school - have no fears" the kids they sing memorial songs telling you that you belong dont you wish that you were here even though you cant smoke blunts and drink beer tasha we miss you terribly wont you come back for therapy mrs christoff will treat you oh soh well put you on that prozac pill we know that you cant smoke your wacky tobacky but we really miss you - especially private rayner and smacky macky [[smacky macky is what i was call all through high school and still am called.. and private rayner is melissa]]

Pick One: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 If You Picked: 1. youll be a mormon 2. youre gonna graduate 3. sing like hilary 4. youll choke on corn 5. you get lard in your eye 6. you choke on dick 7. you really are a boy 8. you have no pet kuala

school? it can die people? they can die? sugar plum fairies? what the hell.. why not they can die too. tasha rae says to get it all out at once

there goes that painted girl - passing by her friend neither of them i could ever stand how annoying that they are soh fucking fake sometimes i dont think id mind watching them float on a lake i shouldnt be soh cruel and hateful - theyre lost with their identity but just the same it gets to me its the one thing that gets under my skin - people filled with untrueness really its none of my business.. but i cant help but notice phoney backstabbing liars - popular oblivion - not me i dont know how anyone could act so pathetically maybe its the way they are - nah it just cant be i can not lile - i hold a plastic prejudicy

[[this came by accident one day while trying to stay awake in study hall]] Marilyn Manson - me I wish I were Marilyn Manson Instead of cool like Hanson I could sell my lower ribs off For enough money for the good stuff Then Id paint my gorgeous face As though Ive invented another race Go out on stage like this and perform No my momma.. she wont scorn cuz I love God as much as I love food I pray that my dad he wont find out soon Id sell switchblades And sing at parades Wear tight thongs As though nothings wrong Go to my school - into my class Tell them all they can kiss my ass Cause now Im rich I dont gotta be your bitch And I got the fuck outta there ALl because I wear girls underwear [[chorus]]

this diary is going to replace the old mbi thing i had with poems and quotes and just random ass shit.. which i was cheated out of it all.. soh ill start over..

i think ive got this.. now i gotta get better.. bleh... soh in about a week i can finally talk to dale and possibly go see him.. im sort of bummed with my mom.. i dont care if my dad leaves.. i hate him anyhow.. i just dont want us to leave.. this house is my home.. when i left before .. i missed it a lot.. im excited that dale will have 30 of his 90 days done.. it doesnt even feel like hes been gone.. i sort of push it out of my mind.. in hopes its not really happening... i dont know.. its what i get for being a depression whore.. bleh -- im gonna get back to the bills for the month.. got 1000 in the bank.. time to make it count..

if you can see this.. IM PISSED .. this is probably why i stayed with woohu.. this is NOT working out.. i have noh idea how to use this damn thing.. i keep fuckin up font and type... i dont know what i am doing..

im new to sit diary as of now.. ive spent the last two years loyally at woohu.com but i figure its time for newness with dale being gone and all..