hmm I don’t know what to do? or what I want :( I feel like i just walked into a wall, and ka-Bam it hurt...im shifting, that wall made me question what i really want out of life... i want happiness most of all. I want to strive to be a better person, i can change the world... most of the time im just to fucking self absorbed to look outside my little world and realize i only live one life...i need to live my life. I need to reach out ..i can change the world. i need to look at my self and evaluate what i really want. I need to not take things for granted the little things in life like the smell of the wet grass, the wind blowing through my hair... what if after we die those thing wont be there??..what if you just die and turn into atoms?..in the air, in every living thing ..just floating around ...still a conscious matter..just sense less..and a part of everything in the world... what if the dead wish they where the living again.. so many times i wish i was dead...but what if its worse then living i end up hitting walls like this every couple months or so.... i feel the most alive when i am sad today i feel like the empty space is starting to be filled i know god is there, I’ve reached out before, but i usually just lose interest....i need him in my life.. i need fulfilment..otherwise i cant live with myself -a confused soul