A chance encounter really throws you for a loop, doesn't it? Weren't expecting you'd ever see me, were you? Are you really that blind, that blissfully ignorant? Invisibility prescriptions, secrecy indications; a failed endeavor. We found each other. So take the indication from above to assume responsibility. But no, you write off this one in 1,000 chance. What do you even expect me to believe anymore? Silence gives way to false explanations. You successfully destroyed any respect I once had for you. So save your deceitful breath, bitch Your words are meaningless to me now.

Do you ever sometimes get the urge to quote a book? Well, if not, I do. So deal with it : P "If I could tell her the truth,...I would say that I'm paralyzed, that I see things I can't reach for, have itches I can't scratch. And then there are the parts of me that I can't feel anymore at all...That I'm so in love with her that I can't breathe, and that it's become the only color in my universe, a deep blood-red, rendering everything and everyone else in black-and-white, and that I don't want to live in black-and-white, but I'm terrified that it's where I'll end up anyway. I would tell her that I love her from the core of my being, that she answers yearnings in me I never knew I had." -Everything Changes, Jonathan Tropper God I love that man. what an amazing author.

I drove down Broad street in the early morning hours today. You know, the time of day when people are just waking up and things are still surreal and suspended in an invisible ether that seems to permeate the night air? Yeah, that. Anyway, I was headed down the road in a semiconscious sort of ritualistic act I seem to perform more and more these days, when I almost run over a pair of birds. They, of course, flutter away as always, but it made me start thinking. As I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot, I pondered as people do when they've just stayed up all night reading: a kind of stupified and vaguely fake depth that, when viewed in retrospect, is almost sickening. Even through the pointless act of shovelling out bits of paper for a personalized latte that they probably knew I'd order the moment they saw me, I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful the Earth must have been, the magnificent piece of work that the universe intended it to be, when it so furiously spat out the matter that just so happened to lump into a spherical mass capable of supporting life. And I simply walked back to my car, sipping on milk-diluted espresso through the mass-produced cups manufactured from unrecycled tree pulp(the owner of said pulp, now likely to be yelping in pain in thousands of franchised Starbucks stores nation-wide). I sat in my car, with the intricate guitar lines of The Mars Volta screeching in my ears, thinking about all of that, and how supremely we've managed to fuck up this world in which we've lived for the past 4.4 million years. Or maybe it's just the mental ramblings of a sleep-deprived eightteen-year-old striving to find some kind of meaning in the general existence of anything at all. Who knows; just thought you'd like to know.

so i haven't slept since yesterday afternoon.. and i haven't updated in forever, blah blah.. i just don't feel like it in the next few days and then i don't because there'd be too much to say. that's why i wait until stuff that happened becomes irrelevant before posting on stuff i feel like talking about.. yeah.. so anyway, beachweek was fun, and about a month ago : P i have a dvd of it, just call if you wanna see it and i'll let you borrow it. thanks matt for making it even though you don't read this. anyway been hanging out with sarah a LOT in the past couple weeks or so.. so great. i kind of feel bad that i'm not hanging out with the crew much, though they haven't been calling. i guess they just kinda stopped doing stuff except the midnight movie.. and seeing bad movies *cough* jill *cough* ANYWAY, so i'm probably going to be getting a job over a friendly's with Greg and Lauren and maybe Sarah if they feel like hiring her since she's a young'un. don't worry beautiful, if i get hired i'll put in a good word for you ; ) so i REALLY need to give becca (in fresno) a call. haha i definitely told her i would like a week and a half ago but never got around too it.. haha it's so bad. oh well, i know that, like everything else i do, i'll get around to it.. eventually. haha, so yeah moving in one month.. very exciting. i can't wait to get my own place, it's going to be so.. freeing i suppose, not having parents to worry about and such. i just hope i can pay rent. greg said they pay $7.25/hr for an entry level job which is hella good.. most places i'd be lucky to get anything more than minimum wage. so yeah, done with the speaking.. check out the xanga for pics of california/oregon www.xanga.com/sytrohs87

85 hours and 15 minutes.. ack! way too long. i'm not sure that my body can handle the stress.. such separation should be considered illegal. is it pathetic that i'm almost racked with sorrow over not seeing her for as little as five days??? i suppose that the extent of longing directly relates to the extremity to which i love her. i'm not exactly sure what to think.. i just hope my heart doesn't cave in before wednesday evening when i can be in her arms once again. my heart skips at the thought.. except then i realize that it's impossible right now, and it makes me feel like my chest is going to explode.. why can't i just fall asleep and wake up in your embrace? i'm shaking with anticipation.. i need you here to remind me why i get up in the morning.. god i miss you.. i can't wait. ... eighty-five hours, five minutes.

so i talked to becca from fresno again tonight for the first time in months.. god, i realized how much i miss my fresno friends, they're so far away.. it saddens me. oh well, perhaps i can find a way to visit them this summer. hurray! i'm slowly realizing how lonely one can feel when he's 2000 miles away from people he can talk to indefinitely. what's even more remakable is that it feels the same damn way for people who're ten minutes away.. jesus, why can't i just live with them all : P no worries though.. i'm getting my own place soon.. very exciting indeed. and becca said she might be going to college in maryland to an art institute.. perhaps then she'll get all the guys ; ) hahaha no worries becca, you'll find the right guy for you eventually, but i don't think he's gunna be in fresno : P onwards to bed.. *woosh*

So yeah, I've kind of been shying away from blogs over the past few weeks. I'm not exactly sure why, though. I guess maybe it's just because I don't feel like taking the time to sit down and write out my life story to everyone. Besides, there's barely anyone that reads this blog, and I'd tell it to most of the people that DO read this anyway. *shrugs* I guess it's just the shy person that I am not wanting to open myself up to people. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not going to be updating this regularly anymore; maybe just like once a month or something. So yeah, bye now. -Andrew

So yeah, this is most definitely the week from hell. All of my teachers (or perhaps Fate) thought the week of April the eleventh would be a good time to suffocate Andrew under this insurmountable mass of homework that's begun accumulating. I definitely have this English paper to write by thursday, two tests to take for Psychology by the end of this week, an essay and some discussion questions to do for Government by tomorrow, as well as a colored pencil project for art that's due on friday that I most likely won't finish. LOVELY! But it will all be so worth it because I'm going to be able to spend the entire weekend with Sarah at the beach. It's going to be so awesome. I'm getting this sort of tension, flushed feeling in my chest that snakes it's way up to my head and makes my heart and mind want to explode with joy. AH! I so can't wait. She's so damn amazing; I'm nowhere near good enough for her. *sigh* but alas, back to the coal mines I go.

Have you ever been involved in something for a while and you start to take it for granted? I kind of feel that way now. I mean, I know I'm not really taking it for granted, but I just don't see certain things in any way similar to how I used to. More specifically, my relationship with Sarah. Who knows, I guess I'm still in shock, still trying to believe that she actually likes me, and might even love me. I just don't know how things happened this way. All I know is that when I look back to just a month and three weeks ago or so, I would have had no clue we would end up being this close, especially in such a short amount of time. Back then, I was nervous to barely even speak to her for like five minutes. Now we talk on the phone for an hour at a time, and we spend more time together than I ever have with any other girlfriend I've had before. You'd think that when you spend that much time with a person, you'd end up getting sick of them, but still, I find myself never wanting to leave her, and going through a little depression right after she leaves and I'm left all alone again. I guess there are some things I take for granted with her. Just giving her a kiss, for one. Before I started dating her, I wouldn't have thought it could be possible, and now we kiss a heck of a lot. I need to learn to start appreciating all the little things like that, being thankful that I'm with someone as amazing as her, and that I love her and know that she loves me back. It's the best feeling in the world.

GUESS WHO GOT INTO UC BERKELEY..... THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *points at self* weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. but i still don't know if i'm going to have enough money to go out there for all four years... hm.. we'll see

HURRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! yesterday was Sarah and I's one month.. *jumps all around* it was pretty cool. I bought her a half dozen roses and some other white flower that looked cool with them.. : P I hope she liked them. Anyway, so we went driving around broad street for a while until we found somewhere to stop and eat.. haha it took us a while since neither one of us make decisions at all.. : / but yeah we went to Julian's and had manicotti or some such and carried some bread home in a bag *shrugs* i told sarah she looked like a peasant with her little sack of bread.. um yeah anyway.. so then we were gunna go up to tower records and browse, but it was closed, so we drove on up to barnes and noble and perused some books cause we're cool like that. then we went and rented a family guy season dvd from hollywood video and went over to my house to watch it. we didn't get like 10 minutes into it before her mom called and was all super pissy and wanted her home.. it really sucked, and i felt really bad because sarah and her mom apparently had a fight after i dropped her off, she was kind of upset about the whole thing, which is understandable... i just don't see why her mom had to be all awpoejfpj about it, especially on that night.. *sigh* i dunno.. hopefully i'll be able to see her some more this week. we'll see how things go.

The past couple of days have been alright. Some depressing moments and some happy ones too. So yeah, the NAHS inductions were yesterday after school, so that was exciting. Also, I got faculty choice for my painting, hurrah.. yeah, but none of my family was there, one because my grandma's watch totally died while she was out so she had no clue what time it was, and then the vet called my mom/stepdad and told them that our cat might not make it past the day and if he did that he wouldn't last more than a couple of weeks. So yeah, they were all sad and my stepdad has bronchitis anyway, so they didn't come. But yeah, so then I took Sarah home, I felt bad because she was having a bad day, so I went and rented a monty python movie and took it over to her house and we watched it and played with her brother some (she was baby-sitting). Then today was ok; nothing really exciting happened. We had this thing in the library for music in our schools month, so I played my viola for that, which was exciting I guess. People liked it, so that's all that matters right? Anyway, so then we watched quite the boring movie in government about a jury and such. After school, I thought we had an art club meeting, so I went to Mrs. Masterson's room and we didn't, so Two-cents (sarah woodson) and I tried throwing a pot, but we both sucked majorly at it.. haha it was fun though because I'm definitely covered in clay splatter. haha, so yeah, now I'm home and I'm probably going to go give my gal a call, as Greg likes to say.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so definitely 18 today.. hurray! i've gotten so many cards from people today, it's lovely.. you're all awesome. I also got a bunch of coupons(: P), a flower, a long note, and a mixtape from sarah.. she's so amazing (even though i don't own a tape player i think).. thank you all so much, you've made my day so awesomely great! i can't thank you enough. But yeah, i'm sitting here in spanish now using amber's computer.. THANKS AMBER even though you don't ever read these cause you're a cool kid like that : P.. so yeah.. i'm going to go back to paying attention.. more to come after this evening.. : ) sarah's definitely taking me out for supper, but i have to do the driving.. : P like i really care.. haha just as long as i can spend time with her. :-D i can't wait

eaf;wjejfa;oeims;eklfdjnblfihvb;oeljfsajlknwifvu bhpofvgjkl;lewknalisdhgoiv;xjlkfgdmnvbsdlkfzgs;v jodguisbhvjklfnxz[fawopeutrusheiouhg;lfdjbs/rtmh j[pwaiuh;eljfsdl/xfbmvoa3w9842735093ypurao;jesd hgi782otng.jdfhbgizaow2laj23ondkfjgkianpoed9b. kn;lkfjdgaiurh;lwjagofgj;oawoilrjgsfogaj;nre29... ..... yes.. that's about how i feel.. no way else to really describe it.. *shrugs* who knows.. it'll pass, maybe

It's very foggy outside today. People are still on the beach though. I love watching them, the people that is. It's like, with enough persons, you can get the full spectrum of human emotion in as little as five minutes. The love, the anger, the patience, the sadness, the joy. Sometimes, it makes you wonder what's going through their mind, how long it will last, if they dropped their entire lives back at their homes to spend a weekend free from worry and stress only to have it hit them head on when they return. They know it will happen, but they sacrifice their time to escape reality anyway, even for only a few days. I go outside and the sun warms my face, reminding me of her kisses. The wind whips through my hair, and I feel her breath. The cool sand between my toes is soothing, but I still can feel her hands on my back. She's over a hundred miles away, but where ever I go, it's like she's right there with me. It tortures me, but it will keep me alive until I can breathe easily in her embrace once again. I miss you.

waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! i miss sarah so freaking much.. haha, i'm so pathetic, it'd definitely only been 29 hours since i last saw her, but it feels like my chest is going to cave in.. : P *shrugs* But anyway, yeah i'm at the beach for the RSYO concert on sunday.. which would be cool in all, if it weren't for the fact that the water's freezing, we don't even get the time to go on the beach anyway, and i can't see sarah until sunday evening.. haha i so made her think i was going to get in my car and drive all the way back to richmond tonight.. : P sowwie!!! haha she got all mad for like 10 seconds.. she's so awesome.. but yeah, my parents definitely decided they weren't coming down today, so that means i have the house completely to myself yet again, weeeeeeeeee.. ok maybe not, it's quite lonely down here. I rented donnie darko and watched it this afternoon.. i hadn't ever seen it before and it was really awesome.. and to whoever said that it was filmed in richmond, you're so freaking off because it said in the credits.. "filmed on location in Los Angeles." OH!!! take it! ok maybe not.. grrrr sunday night needs to get here now so me sarah, lauren and greg can all go see anillo dos.. yes spanish, bitches.. look it up.. : P wow, i don't know why i'm in such a good mood.. maybe because i just got off the phone with sarah like thirty minutes ago.. :-D god she makes me so damn happy, i LOVE IT *jumps up and down* i think i'll go watch some tv and call sarah *goes off*

I'm quite excited about my trip up to the gallery openning in Baltimore tomorrow. The thing is, I'm trying to figure out how we're going to work it. I mean, I think both Matt and I decided that we're going to leave from school at like 9 or 10 and hit Baltimore by 12 or 1, grab some lunch and check out the Baltimore museum of fine art. It should be fun, except that I don't know Matt's phone number so I don't know how we're going to work out where we're going to meet/leave from and such. I'll just try and find him tomorrow morning at school I guess. We'll see. It should be enjoyably hectic.. In any case, Sarah's been feeling intermittently bad.. : ( I've been surprising her with different things every day, so I think I may have to keep with the pattern tomorrow.. haha.. yeah not much else going on, except for the RSYO concert this weekend.. bleh.. bye now!

Hurray! you can post at school using this.. what do you know! Except i don't have a computer.. yeah so i'm using danielle's THANKS DANIELLE!! not much going on, getting bored with drawing my pic of Bush with a donkey's head.. muahaha.. i get to break out my prismacolors later.. yeah, that's all for now.. more postingness to come.. a la casa!

So yeah, I got a sitdiary. Let's see how this goes. Not much going on right now, except for just getting home from RSYO practice like an hour and a half ago. Sarah was sick for the past couple of day.. : ( to the max!.. but yeah, so I brought her flowers on monday and got her a get well soon card today. I hope they made her feel at least slightly better. That's all I really want at the moment. Hurray for being able to start on my next painting. I'm definitely going to be doing a portrait of my cat. It'll be crazy awesome.. : P maybe not, but who cares.. haha yeah that's about all. Time to go read more of this book for english that was due yesterday.