it actually hurts. The pictures on the wall make it worse, shaming me for not appreciating what i had before it was all over. Only the nine will ever understand, others try and fail. I tell the story and it makes me cry, i read the books and i just want to give up. Its the last thing i think of when i go to sleep, the only thing that drives me to succeed...the thought that, one day, i might return. its hard to explain, especially when i doubt i'll succeed. Most think its pathetic...they'll never understand...im burning through the sky... and those nine, i'll love like my family for the rest of my life. I owe them so much...so much... doubt me, mock me, joke and laugh but i promise you this, one day i will go home...