I feel real crampy, whatever that means.... Thank God for these Aleve pills, they work wonders, I wish Dr. Roles could prescribe me some real good pills to take care of the pain..ummmmm..... like....perks, loretabs, T4s. Gimmie, gimmie! But I guess the shot will take care of that stuff. :) Umm what else...... Nick went to court and they dissmissed him, b/c whoever was charging him Jaimie's dad's lawyer didn't know how to word anything, dumb people.... oh well he gets away with it. What else is new.... I guess Timmy MGathy is getting married to some girl Amanda, lol, I wanna see this. Ummmm..... Diane wants Bj to marry Shree....WOW Mom is being a real pain in the butt, she won't give me $25.... that sucks.... On with better news..... ..... ....... ......... ............ .............. ................ yeah i guess there arn't any except..... it's snowing!!!!!! *you know you want to..... *Whisper to me...

I feel so crappy... I got paid today, but it's like i just got paid just to get broke agian in one day, i need a car! How can i save money for a car if i have all this other shit to pay for.I'm just never happy when I'm at work everything is just so depressing and just so tiring. All I want to do is just get off work take care of all the bills and shit and see my babe! *I love you Robert Blake Beattie!* He makes me so happy, no matter how shitty my day has been giong, when I'm with him, everything turns upside down:o) I have 3 1/2 more hours, then i get to see my babe, hopefully he isn't late today, i hate it when he's late. Well... i gotta get back to this shitty depressing job of mine, so yeah.... i need to sell something a system or something so that my day will get better, all i've been getting is bitch cusotmers all they want to so is complain complain complain.... bleh! bleh......

"I want to share my tears with you; I want to share my love with you; I want to share my happiness with you. I want to share my strength with you, My smiles, my frowns, my joy, my loss, My good days, my bad days, the rain, The sunshine, hot cocoa, snowflakes... I want to share my life with you." *Much Love* ~whisper to me~ ....tell me you love me and wil never let me go....

True Love is the Greatest Expierence in life* The one thing that everybody wants more then anything else. ~True Love is a spirtual expirence... ~Which cannot be bought for any price... ~It can only be attained by giving it away... ~and expecting nothing in return... *** True love isn't something you go look for, it's something that just happens. It's something that makes you feel as if your the happiest person in the world. It's when you'll do anything for that one person, it's patient, it's kind, it doesn't eny, it doesn't boast, it's not selfish, it's not easily angered, it does not dleight in the evil, it rejoices in the heart, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always preseves.... True love never fails.... Love can be the greatest feeling inthe world, and it also can be the most hurtful thing in the world, so when you have true love charish it, so when there's a disagreement, work it out... when your not happy talk it out... it's not worth loosing the most presious thing over silly things. *LOVE..... charish it* ~love is the glue that holds everything together in the world~ Whisper to me.....

Everything is going well for me right now, i'm feeling shitybut that's just because of the shitty weather we've been havin, weather changes suck alot. Other then that the day has been going fairly well.... i'm not grouchy and bitchy today. been pretty calm. me and Robert got into a fight the other day, I was just tripping, he knows when he's gone for hours i get pretty mad, because i didn't get a call from him and I told that I didn't like him going over to certain person's house and to go there and then come right back. I didn't have a cell phone to call him my brother's is shut of for some reason and he had mine, so i got upset and walked around in the rain and now..... i'm sick. bleh! I know I can trust him, it's not that, it's just I don't trust other girls, espeacially with this one, who does alot of things (bad things) that I don't want him to be around, I don't want him to be in a house like that.... i'm sorry but i was tripping out, and i have so much emotions that i hid for a long long time from the past, and yes Robert, he helped me to open up and let it all out and he's someone I can let it all out to, and when I "trip out" and start to get all emotional all those things from the past start to come out, and let me tell you... it;s not good at all. I have a serious break down from that... I learned something though.... "if you keep one eye on the past and one eye on the future, your gonna end up cross eyed" ....that's how this whole life thing works, look at the future the past can't change anything, it's what you do now that matters not the past, it jus brings you down. *It's amazing the way God helps me see things* thank you.....

Same shit, different day... *bleh* I definitly need to find a new job, this job blows ass! I mean the only thing keeping me here is that I make alot of money here, and i know what i'm doing.... but the thing is I'm not happy here, no matter how much commission i can make working here, i'm not happy, this place is just so boring it brings me down. All i get are pissed off customer's who's pissed off at somebody else that fuck'd the over from the sales department not calling them back and tech support screwing up there computers and then everybody gets thrown into cusotmer service for cusotmer support... complaints to fix whatever sales fuck'd up and to resolve how to make people happy from tech support screwingup there computers... The trainer that we have is just so boring and I just can't stay awake in class, i wold try so hard to stay up.... but i keep dozing off.... we need a new trainer. *I wish i was a butterfly, don't have to work, just try to stay alive and sitting on top of pretty flowers and flying around the precious sky* ~whisper to me~

I'm going to tear up all my notebooks. Paintings. Letters. Everything. I'm going to burn and tear it all up. As of this week, I never want to remember anything of my past.... Last night was horrible I hate havng that feeling.... it hurts, feeling lost, confused and alone... Depressions...... SOme people have depression of being fat..... ugly..... stupid.... slow......loser...... No... not me, i have depression of the past..... i really never had depression like this in past before, i would usually hide it.... but it just got to the point where i can no longer hide it an dit's all coming out at the same time..... for what happened in the past, for what steps i should've taking to handle my situations that I came across, basically of what i should've done and shouldn't have done. And it i took a different path... where would i be standing now? I love you, but i don't know where i stand anymore..... i love you, your family..... and you hate me for being me.... ..... i don't even know me anymore....... .........the feeling of being broken down........ the worst depressions ever! I love you all, goodbye.