So, a few months ago I decided to stop using this thing but... I changed my mind. I was going through my old stuff and i found this letter. It was a letter that I wrote during class the day after Jessie died and it made me cry. Sophomore year sucks. The seniors girls are straight out of a movie... all of them are sluts, all of them are superficial, some of them are anorexic/bulimic, and all of them make me feel like crap. I have a class with 10 people, 3 of those girls and 4 of the boys that adore them, then 2 other guys that talk about mexican food all of the time. It blows. Other than that, I have a bunch of friends in my other classes. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm already exhausted. I don't have any free time on weekdays, homework in 3 classes every night. I rdfghkll

my knuckles have turned to white. there's no turning back tonight... so kiss me one last time. so i've been in san antonio with tomas for the past few days. it was fun. i don't have much to say. i got no love from my friends while i was gone... no messages/calls/emails. yeah is it dumb that i care about that? i shouldn't... oh well. i'm home. yay. drowning in my sleep i'm drowning in my sleep

i've done my addition... gun + gun = bang bang bang i am so insanely bored. if anyone else is bored... talk to me.

early in the morning, wake up to a bright blue sky. the lightning comes at any time to break it down and make it ugly. i know that it's just for me...cause no one else can feel or understand. but that's alright because i can handle all that you throw down. and i hope you find a perfect place, where skies are beautiful all of the time... it's all that matters, pretty, pretty. i love this song to pieces. if you have time, check out the lyrics it's pretty, pretty by the early november i watched the andy milonakis show this morning. and last night as well. i swear, that's got to be the dumbest show EVER ..so, why do i love it so much? yeah... it makes me laugh. my room is a mess. i need to fold some laundry. and i need to shower. but noo... too busy myspacing and typing out my blog. ehhh i'm pathetic. anyways... the end.

being bored is way uncool. i'm sitting here.... freezing... drinking pink lemonade and eating candy. i decided not to get xanga... mainly because i like the way my sitdiary looks and i know how to make it pretty and such... & i don't want to learn a whole new thing.. yeah anyways, monday. i went to rachels, took lots and lots of pictures. very fun time... i love hanging w/ her she makes me feel like a little kid again. that's a good feeling haha. tuesday. went to corpus with tomas. we went to the mall, best buy, and i went to the dentist with him. oh, the excitement. ehh i didn't buy anything... i regret not getting the new all american rejects CD... catchy as hell, and hell is pretty catchy. today...! tomas came over. watched volcano high. hung out with katti and her new lovey. made multiple trips to dairy queen... yes. my life is filled with wonder and excitement. ehh.

You're just the boy all the girls wanna dance with... and I'm just the girl who's had too many chances. i'm thinking about getting a xanga... but i don't know. it does have a cooler name than sitdairy... but yeah... sitdiary is kinda dead... ehh... idk. so my question iiiiiis... how is xanga better than sitdiary?

Splintered piece of glass falls in the seat and gets caught. These broken windows, open locks... reminders of the youth we lost. In trying so hard to look away from you, we followed white lines to the sunset. I crash my car everyday the same way. I think I'm just going to make a diary to put songs in because I'm just filling this one up with lyrics haha. Anyways... today was uneventful... yeah. that's it.

Dammit. I don't know what to say right now. I think I'm depressed... honestly. I don't expect anyone to care though... *sigh* I hate being alone.

I'm very, very bored right now. One of my friends (who's name I will not mention..) sold out. I feel like she won't hang out with me anymore since I don't have a penis.... She's always talking about how I blow her off for Tomas all the time and Alyssa with Justin... but she just spent a week and a half with some guy in Leakey and now she's staying at his house till tomorrow. Whatever... hah I'm over it.... It's the 4th of July... yay. I'm gonna go out tonight a do some fireworks with Tomas... since I have nothing else to do. Oh well... the end.

Three sleepless nights, this isn't how it's supposed to be... but you're so good at taking your time to get back to me. I would wait for you . F O R E V E R . if you would just ask me. I thought that I could change you.... but you changed me. It doesn't feel right holding someone else's hand. Together on phone lines, living at two opposite ends... It scares me to think that you could find takers other than me... and better than me. But your head is elsewhere and I'm talking enough for both of us. When will you see... it's not that easy for me? Your careless, and whisper... insulting and bruising. And I thought that you said that things were improving. I fall from your eyes... your eyes I trusted. These laces are untied but my feet are still walking away. I never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening? Don't say we can still be friends. ERASE MY NAME FROM THIS PAGE. How can you take all these days and throw them away as I sit here waiting for you? I stay up nights until stars leave the sky knowing what my dreams can take away. What is inside me? What have I done? Is this the only way that you'll know me? Dead words for closed ears, all this is sung for you. If you're still pretending this is what's right... why can't you look at me? Can your only see sides...your side? Walk away from me. This night is done. That's how I feel. -Hannah

So I've been having some pretty crazy dreams lately. I won't even get started on them... they weird me out. You know what I hate? People that think I'm friends with them. For instance... there's this girl that moved away from my town and we have each other added on myspace. She seems to think we're buddies, even though she never spoke a word to me while she lived here and still doesn't talk to me... even on myspace. Anyways, I was at the movies yesterday and she was there and she was staring me down hardcore... like she wanted me to wave or something. I didn't though... I basically glanced at her and went to another room. I expect she later complained to her friends about how much of a bitch I am for dissing her like that. Pfft. Moral of the story: If you want me to wave.. it'd be a good idea to wave to me first. Staring at someone for 10 minutes isn't cool... it's more along the lines of creepy. -------------------------------------------------- Yes, so anyways... tomorrow is Warped Tour San Antonio. I'm getting up at 5 am to go wait in line for a few hours. Yay...? Ha..haha... yeah so anyone else going to that one? If I could sleep forever... would you still be in my . D R E A M S . ?

You call me in the middle of the night Saying that you just got home You're lucky I'm even still awake Awake enough to answer the phone But I knew it would be you 'cause I was _H O P I N G_ that you'd call Hoping you'd say that you were sorry But you don't apologize at all And it's not ok and it's not alright What have you been doing with those guys all night? You call me in the middle of the night So _D R U N K_ you're ready to pass out Tellin' me you had a great time Except for that hour you blacked out Now you're surprised that I'm pissed you think I'm acting all tough Well I think you're acting like a BITCH And I swear this time I've had enough Thats how I feel each time my boyfriend blows me off for his friends each night. Especially the first few lines... I always end up waiting up until 2 am, just so I can talk to him. He can't understand why it drives me crazy... It's just because I hatemiss him when he leaves me alone like that.

I hate the way it looks when you write out "I love you, too" because the comma after "you" makes it seem like there should be a hesitation between the two words.... so instead of hearing I-love-you-too you are supposed to hear I-love-you-................too Yeah... that just always irritated me.

Man, I'm happy right now. It finally feels like summer to me. It took a month... but it finally hit me ^_^ I'm listening to Brand New, today is 11 months with Tomas. We saw Batman Begins (totally romantic, I know.)... it was fun though. I need to charge up some batteries cause I have the urge to go take some pictures of something... All of my friends are leaving... Rachel is going to Dallas to see her brother for a week... Katti is going to Leaky (i can't spell...) with John for 10 days... Maggie and Loni are going to start their cross-country road trip on Saturday. Tyler comes back on Saturday... which means, after Warped Tour... Tomas is going to be all about the band. Wow. I just made myself feel depressed by thinking about all of that. I've never though about being alone... if Katti left, I'd have Rachel; If Rachel leaves... there's Maggie; Tomas is always there for me as well... But now I won't have that. Man... I'm such a loser. I think I'm going to go find something to do now... -Hannah

There's a . D R E A M . in my brain that just won’t go away. It's been stuck there since it came a few nights ago... I’m standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and I’m standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like a [star], FUCKING GLOW IN THE DARK For all their starving eyes to see. Like the ones we’ve wished on... but now I’m confused, Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? I love music. Warped Tour this Sunday... I hope it doesn't blow. -Hannah

I'm bored and cold. That stupid Simple Plan song is on the radio. I hate Simple Plan with a passion. The singer's voice is so whiny and the lyrics... ugh. I swear, their lyrics piss the hell out of me. In "Welcome to My Life" they have- 'You don't know what it's like to be like me... to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like.... welcome to my life.' That song is just shit, everyone has felt all of those things at some point in their life. All of their songs are just *wannabe teen angst*. I'm so sick of them. ---------------------------------------------- Ok I'll shut up about that, I'm getting mad just thinking about that. Anyways, today was a nice day. I'm going crazy waiting for the new Brand New CD to come out. It was supposedly coming out late April or early May. Their site is "Under construction" and it was supposed to be done in a few days... but it's been about a month. That site better be awesome once it is finished. Anyways.... I'm out.

This years love had better last. Heaven knows it's high time, and I've been waiting on my own too long. But when you hold me like you do it feels so right... I start to forget how my heart gets torn when that hurt gets thrown, feeling like you can't go on. Turning circles when time again it cuts like a knife. If you love me got to know for sure cause it takes something more this time than sweet, sweet lies before I open up my arms and fall. Losing all control, every dream inside my soul. And when you kiss me on that midnight street... sweep me off my feet. Singing 'ain't this life so sweet?'. This years love had better last... So who's to worry if our hearts get torn? When that hurt gets thrown... don't you know this life goes on? And won't you kiss me on that midnight street, sweep me off my feet. Singing 'ain't this life so sweet?'. This year's love had better last.

The beach was awesome !!! Katti and I talked alot, ate alot, got burned pretty hardcore, and it was just a kick ass time. We took a lot of pictures.... here are some ^Our hotel ^Sunset on our first night there ^Sunset again... different view...yeah ...self explanatory I guess... Palm tree shadow (obviously) Yeah... it was fun. I didn't want to leave. It's nice to be home though, but anyways... The end

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So last night I talked to Preston and pointed out a few things to him: Derick is a complete dumbass/dick. Therefore... don't believe anything coming out of his manpleaser. Katti has a fucking conscience (meh I don't care about spelling right now...), she wouldn't cheat on anyone. ...but, I sign on today and see my *wonderful* friend Monica's screen name is "OMG! You try to tell ppl the truth and they don't believe you!!"... but later changed it to "Some people just won't BELIEVE the truth!" Hence my subject for this entry... doubleyou tee eff. what the fuck?? The story goes that she was telling Preston that Katti DID in fact cheat on him with Deryck... the great part of this all is how Monica has like Preston for the past, oh I don't know.... 7 months maybe? Why do people fucking do that? I don't get it, it makes no sense... that's just a fucking low move. She's such a flake... all she talks about it guys and now she's proved that the only people that matter to her are the ones that have penises. Ugh. I'm done.