well, school is starting soon. im feeling depressed here, and starting to feel depressed here. i feel distant. i guess im starting to feel replaced, which is lame i know i shouldn't. things will be normal again when i get back, but for now these are only excuses. eh still. whatever. im just being a baby, ill get over it. i just miss my friends. surprisingly i really miss my mom, i have been talking to her everyday for like ten fifteen minutes. ive really been trying to fix that relationship. i have a new goal to not have anyone be mad at me anymore from now on. i wanna be well liked. and i dont want a stressful year. so my goals are no drama, anywhere anyhow. to keep this group because i am truly so happy around them, i really love them. keep up with school and keep the leadership skills.

the only thing keeping me dry is you. i wish you could understand what that means to me. it means something. ..u saved me. <3

My cousin's dog died :(..it got hit by a car..That's the second dog this year..I feel so bad..but there is nothing I can really do or say to make her feel better. yanno? yea and..idk what else is new?..nothing really..I have to write what i really want to privatley..sorry. It's just personal stuff. <3<3<3

well..tonite was quite fun..Ant picked me up and we drove around..for a loong time..but it was fun just talking and stuff. it was a very calm night..chores are done..homework isnt though..w/e. I can't wait to drive. <3

Im bored. I wanna go shopping..and just buy everything. I need like 300 dollars between prom, Colorado, guard, and class dues..yea I have zero..its rather frustrating..I wish i didn't have to rely on my parents..I really hate doing that. Well I think Im gonna get a job after winterguard ends..which i pretty soon.I need to start looking soon..but the only places to really work for a fifteen year old is Publix..ehhhh..boring. But still I need the money badly. ::::sigh:::: <3<3<3

OH yes. it is a chillaxed morning. Nothing to do! For the first time in forever! I love it. I might spin my rifle for a bit..shower..just take it easy. I have to be at my dad's by 4ish so I have plenty of time. hmmm..ttyl <3<3<3

I think Im gonna start writing in here too. Just because. Im home right now, b/c of course another dissapointment..but Im waiting for my dad to come get me and take me to quarterdeck. Im going out tonite..The first Friday off in forever..yay. Well Im out. ttyl <3<3<3

hmm..i thought my obsession was getting better but i guess i was wrong. It seems like the more i hang out with him the more i like him. ugh! whenever he talks about another girl i get soo jealous..its stupid cuz i know he doesnt feel the same way. w/e. i guess there is this other guy but he doesn't give me butterflies like "he" does. I mean that one time at Kassie's house when he showed up and she pulled me off the couch..ack i was soooo happy. there was mad butterflies lol....but anyway. there is been so much drama lately. its all over breaking into nicoles journal. she swares im not listening but maybe she needs to take a better look at the convos. she has been such a bitch to me. she said so many hurtful things. i cant stand being around her now! it is soo uncomfortable.. it just kind of makes me furious.. i almost thought all this drama would seperate me and my true friends.. and it partly did. THAT PISSED ME OFF! w/e im over it..but i know things will never be the same which sux. ugh! i was in a good mood all day. it was odd except practice, but i dunno w/e, <3 tabby

my day starts with a carwash, that was fun. I cant be happy rite now. Its my fucking birthday party and no one is coming, My cousin was in surgery and got out last nite, he had some fluid in his lungs or something and he couldn't breath and got bad chest pains and started screaming "im dying" wow thats a scary thought. I feel so bad and I want to apoligize for all the shit I put him through. Im so scared for everything. My aunt has to deal with such a hell and it's not fair because she is such a good person. I love my fiends but one is an absolute bitch and being such a ditz, I can't stand it! She doesn't know what I do and I can't stand the fact that she can look into my eyes and tell a lie. Kelley is moving in today and when I got home my mom was crying, it had something to do with Forest but I really think that the fact that my brother won't come over. I don't know how I fell about her living with my dad, I dunno! Then my mom told me that " i should stop being a doormat" she says i do whatever makes people happy. Just a thought! I feel like she wants me to feel bad a bout losing my room so I will do something to notlet Kelley move in ..oops I guess that is a little bit late. w/e I am in a really bad mood and the fact that my best friend is not coming to my party doesn't help. She ditched me to babysit. She does whateer her parents tell her to. Which now I guess includes not coming to the party she said she could come to. I should just fucking cancel it!! ugh..there is this guy i am fucking crazy about. ENOUGH SAID! *just some thoughts* tabby

YAY! I love it! Thank you so much Kassie, it is so me! Well on the sad part I love waking up and finding out that im annoying! w/e! Ugh! BURN IN HELL--> is all that I have to say to that particular someone..lol tehe Sorry that would be me releasing anger..raar! Veronica and Kassie better come over..I feel nude! I don't want to go to Ian's by myself I will be raped lol..I had the funniest dream..just ask me lol! Well Thats All.. xoxo..RED

hi im tabby